Bored with everything and need a new lease of life, is it due to perimenopause or just realising you aren't young anymore? Any ideas for making the most of life?

[Beached8]

Mid 40s, lucky enough to have lovely DH and primary aged kids who are getting out of needing you every two minutes stage after years of fertility issues.

I feel like one minute I was 30 and now I've woken up and I'm "old". I know I'm not really old and could live to 90, and that I should appreciate as I'll never be this young again 😂.

I'm also worried about the future for our kids as everything is so much harder than it was 20/30 years ago - housing is so expensive, school is more intense, cost of living has skyrocketed and it's harder to get jobs. I don't think that helps add to a feeling of existential dread.

I'm bored of my job, need to be less frazzled to progress. DH and I haven't done many things since the kids and the years of fertility issues/losses were so overwhelming that everything else slipped away. Lots of friends have moved away, so that hasn't helped. I also need to work on exercise/makeup/clothes as that has taken a backseat over the years. Going to work on reading more/learning about new subjects and doing more fun things with the kids and/or DH.

Does anyone else feel like this and want to join? Or is it just me? I think this is the point were middle aged men want a Ferrari😂

Friendships have changed a lot. Most of mine never went back to how they were after covid.

I would always see friends a few times in the evenings after work but now nobody is ever around. We’re all too tired after work or fitting in food shop/gym/making dinner and prepping for the next day. Life has become so dull.

Solo trips. Solo trips . Solo trips.
They are the answer to nearly everything.
I will keep repeating this like a parrot 🙂

OP and PPs - I feel you!

I've turned 45 and have been informed that I'm at risk of redundancy. I've lost motivation for my employers but I need to find a new job, as bills still need to be paid and 2DC still need to be fed and clothed.

I had contemplated possibly doing some training as I would like to move into DE&I or Higher Education (or something that pivots across both areas) but DH didn't seem keen and felt that the my package should just be put into savings. Plus with more employers getting rid of DE&I initiatives, I'm not sure if there is still a 'market' for it even though such initiatives are needed imo.

I'm perimenopausal and am on HRT. I know i should be eating better and drinking less in order lose weight but I just can't be bothered plus sometimes a glass of wine (or a couple) at the end of a crap day when the kids are trying to knock bells out of each other is required!

I forgot to add that friendships have dwindled due to DC getting old and close friends moving away. The only close friends I have are two of my SILs and an ex-colleague, who are absolutely fabulous, but we're all so busy so trying to arrange get-togethers isn't always easy.

when I see younger groups of friends out and about i do get twinges of envy.

I think you have to become very proactive in actually doing things as it is so easy to say I am tired, I lack motivation. Youngest ds about to go to uni and dh and I are now actively planning things to enjoy, so booking a cheap night away somewhere new, lunch out and planning things with friends. I realised that I was loafing about at weekends and letting time slip by so I now really try to have something to look forward to. I swim 4 times a week and make myself go as I could easily stay in bed!

Wow it's like some of you are writing about my life. I'm 52, divorced and recently kid-free as my lovely DD has left home. I should be having the time of my life but I've never felt so flat and unmotivated - but at the same time terrified of wasting the time I've got left.

Thank you, it's helpful to read everyone's experiences and realise that we are not alone in feeling like this. I'm getting lots of ideas about what to do next and think it's going to be a combination of things. I read ages ago that if all you do is drudge work with no fun, it makes you depressed and I do feel that life has turned into all work (work/house/herding kids) and none of the things which are enjoyable.

I'm struggling to know what to wear now, everything seems to be either aimed at teenagers or it is frumpy, any ideas?

I struggle with that too - I don’t want to dress like my daughter or my mum! And the fact I’ve gained weight means most things look frumpy anyway 😫 S&B on here can be helpful but don’t use the f word as it doesn’t go down well!

The weight gain pisses me off. I mean suddenly (no change in diet) I have literally thickened up around my arms and waist. What is this? I might understand this if I were eating hordes of takeaways and chocolate but I am not.

I have found my people 😂

My issue is that I have an extremely vivid memory (can remember the name of everyone in my class when I was 10 ffs). So in my mind the fun days of my 20s when it was all spontaneous nights out after work in town, house parties, lastminute.com European city breaks, no mortgage, not giving much of a shit about your job as you could just get another etc seem very recent. But of course that was actually over two decades ago and I'm now middle aged, grow vegetables, make my own kimchi and regularly fall asleep before the end of Gardeners' World on Friday nights.

I think you need to find an exercise/activity that you actually like, rather than just going to the gym because that's what you're supposed to do. I also recommend volunteering if you can make time for it. My partner and I did a challenge where we each made the other read 3 books per year that we wouldn't normally choose. He reads mostly non-fiction so it was an interesting way to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I now wear what might formerly have been "going out" type clothes to the office or during the day at weekends (fun dresses, more interesting tops etc), as it's not like I have banging nights out anymore. This feels like a little win each day.

I eat pretty well, swim regularly and have taken up riding again, however I also accept that I struggle with late nights. So I don't bother and just go to bed with a book and the radio at 19.45 if I feel like it.

Don't try and change everything at once OP; focus on one manageable thing first.

For all the people who say they love their jobs, please can you share what you do? I am a lawyer in a big city law firm, very bored and demotivated and I really want to do something that I could love!

Tell us more @CharlotteRumpling - what sort of trips?

All kinds depending on taste, budget and annual leave. I go away at least twice a year entirely on my own.

Went to Athens last year solo. Walked around museums, did a couple of day trips. Have also done other city breaks on my own. Going to Bath this week just for an overnight. I also go away sometimes with a hobby club for day trips.

I assume most posters have teen or adult DC so dont need childcare.

At this time of life, I need to feed my soul.
On so many threads I see women say, like Garbo " I just want to be alone". What's stopping you? Unless it's a possessive husband or unnecessary guilt. Nothing to be guilty about.

Same here, 2 teens and one at primary school. 50 gulp. Too tired/ busy to make big changes, but unsatisfied somehow despite being v fortunate.

Scared of the big ones moving on, as I will miss them.

I hear you. I’m just turned 49, have a little one starting reception and a big one about to start secondary. Definitely perimenopause, life just feels so blah all the time. No joy, even when sat on holiday atm and just feeling like I’m going through the motions. Feel like both my husband and kids deserve so much better than this…me

A lot of this resonates with me.

I know that I need both more achievement and fun in life. I don't feel I achieve a lot, as daily chores all need repeating every day, and big projects I want to do eg redecorate, sort house etc, I never seem to have time or energy for.
There's not much time for fun it seems, between work, caring for dc and elderly parents, chores etc. The dc are late primary/ early secondary age, and time with them seems less fun than it was when they were young and I was their world. Now it seems to be mainly lifts, nagging them to do homework/ get off screens etc.

I am planning to make small changes eg restart a hobby, see more of friends, but I feel tired. It also feels small changes when I think what I'm feeling is an existential angst - like the first half of life is the exciting, 'potential' bits, and now the second half feels a bit bleak- dc growing up and away, parents iller and dying, my health eventually worsening. I have lots of little things to look forward to (and I know I'm very lucky in that), but can't shake the feeling I'm on the downhill slope.

I'm not sure What I can do except hope small changes help, maybe try hrt, and I know statistically late 40s are meant to be the low point, so fingers crossed this mindset passes soon!

But then you come back to your life.

That applies to everything! Every hobby or pleasure you may have.

I feel like you think once the dc get older you’ll jump back into your old life but your brain forgets you’re 10-15 years older so need to pace yourself a bit more 😁

I’m the same and feel that something is missing. I feel lucky to be in good health and my dc are doing well. I have a good job but I don’t really enjoy it. I have a hobby job I enjoy more but it doesn’t pay the bills sadly.

I’m considering monjaro because I’ve put on 2 stone doing the things that got 2 stone off a couple of years ago and I’m hoping that will give me a bit of an energy boost. I do have a couple of good friends but I really struggle to make any new acquaintances and I’m not sure why. I see the same people everyday cheerily chatting to each other but I get a begrudging hello. I think I’m fairly friendly and pleasant 😁

I can relate with so much of this thread.

I might be a bit further along though, I’m 50 and my dses are both just finishing university this year.

I’ve already made lots of changes and I do feel so much better but it is hard work! I’ve lost 2 stone, joined a gym, making much more effort with friends. I love the gym but it really is effort.

We try to go away on holiday 3 times a year and mini breaks as well. We are fortunate to be able to do that but I have had a really brutal year and lost my dbro in an accident so I am living life for today and not taking my tomorrows for granted.

One of my reasons for joining the gym was to improve my strength and mobility for the future. I could see me heading in to my 50’s overweight, unfit with bad knees, looking at a knee replacement sooner rather than later and struggling to get on and off the floor. I was determined to change that and have worked really hard. Long way to go but I can walk further and I look so much better.

I hear you too.
I'm early 50s with a lovely DH & DD and a wonderful family (parents & sister etc). I left an intense job last year & my current role is less stressful but I'm a bit bored & can't be arsed! The staff I work with are kind but needy & since the menopause I don't have the tolerance or inclination to prop them up. I'm far more outspoken and just can't tolerate nonsense or inefficiency.
I'm on HRT which has relieved some symptoms & I've got my libido back which is a nice surprise.
I'm good at saying what I want & need and now have a yearly solo holiday which is coming up soon. I love it - highlight of my year. Didn't think I'd be brave enough to go on my own but I am. I walk on the beach, read & stop off in cafes for lunch. It's amazing to just please myself. I listen to podcasts & journal to work out my plans.
I know my job isn't quite right but pay is ok for what I do. I've looked at a change of direction & have exploded retraining in counselling but it will take 6 years & thousands of pounds & I'm not convinced I've got the motivation. 😞

I'm annoyed that I haven't been better with savings over the years as I would love to retire at 55 but know I need to work to 60. I'm tired & lack energy & enthusiasm, so it's a struggle.

In recent months I've really been questioning my "why." I've zoomed out on life & keep coming back to the question "what's all this about" and (wo)man's search for meaning. Anyone else feel like this of have any wise insights?

I'm sorry that so many of us feel like this but the solidarity in numbers is also comforting.

I have many things to be grateful for but feel something is missing in my life.

Snap. I'm 48, kids left/at/off to university, mortgage is paid off but can't retire anywhere near yet.

My job sounds quite good in theory/on paper/to others but is actually hideous and I absolutely hate it. I'm not qualified to do anything else and it would be a massive pay drop to move, but it's making me really miserable, so when I'm not there, I'm just dreading the next time I will be, am not enjoying my time away and end up doom scrolling. I feel stuck and trapped :(

I can't sleep properly , have palpitations, general fear, anxiety and stress-mainly about work as have tried HRT (various types) and it's still there.

Hello my people. I’m SO fed up right now. It seems like I’m stuck at work, pigeon holed into my role, possibly due to my expertise and the need of the (large) organisation. I wfh mainly so barely see people in real life. I’m bored in the evenings and weekends, I have found some exercise I enjoy - but can’t do that all the time. Dp has always been a bit boring, bit of a homebody. I struggle with finding/keeping friends too.

I’m the same. 43, youngest starts year 6 soon and eldest at high school, been at same job for nearly 10 years and am the only middle manager, and only line manager in the business not on SLT and no hope of progress. They seem very happy to wedge me in the middle as the “person who fixes things”.

Anyway, I’ve taken the plunge and have a job interview in a couple of weeks (first one in almost 20 years) for another manager role but with the police in one of their civilian staff teams. I’m crossing fingers! It’ll be a slightly worse salary but better pension if I get it. I’ll also get to be in an office a couple of days a week and see humans which I think will be good for me.

Hope we all find the things to get us out of our ruts!