Bored with everything and need a new lease of life, is it due to perimenopause or just realising you aren't young anymore? Any ideas for making the most of life?

[Beached8]

Mid 40s, lucky enough to have lovely DH and primary aged kids who are getting out of needing you every two minutes stage after years of fertility issues.

I feel like one minute I was 30 and now I've woken up and I'm "old". I know I'm not really old and could live to 90, and that I should appreciate as I'll never be this young again 😂.

I'm also worried about the future for our kids as everything is so much harder than it was 20/30 years ago - housing is so expensive, school is more intense, cost of living has skyrocketed and it's harder to get jobs. I don't think that helps add to a feeling of existential dread.

I'm bored of my job, need to be less frazzled to progress. DH and I haven't done many things since the kids and the years of fertility issues/losses were so overwhelming that everything else slipped away. Lots of friends have moved away, so that hasn't helped. I also need to work on exercise/makeup/clothes as that has taken a backseat over the years. Going to work on reading more/learning about new subjects and doing more fun things with the kids and/or DH.

Does anyone else feel like this and want to join? Or is it just me? I think this is the point were middle aged men want a Ferrari😂

Why cant you do this? A number of similar threads recently and I always ask the same question
Do it!

Agree. It’s not like you have a choice about kids becoming the centre of your lives that everything else has to work around. They just do, whether you like it or not.

It feels like ennui - every monotonous day.

Also cutting out alcohol, which is really revealing how stale and melancholy the days have become.

A weekend away on your own- at a bare minimum- is possible for many.

Halará wide leg

Yep. Have felt exactly this for at least 5 years, if not 10, and I’m 47. Busy and bored - lethal combination. Can’t seem to find any joy in anything any more. Sometimes I can catch it again by dancing but don’t have the tribe to do that regularly.

OMG... when I hit 42 I hit 'round 2' of life.i was sick of my job, sick of being bored sick of getting older and plodding along My single similar age friends were on dating sites looking for a bloke I was like 'nope I'm not having any of that' my kids are now mostly/nearly grown up now it's my time and off I went and joined the prison service 🤣which people close to me found hilarious not only that 2 years later I started a law degree with open University I'm literally in my element and while work is heavy I'm genuinely happy and content in my life. My outlook on life is quite young humour and laughter are definitely part of the daily routine I'm determined to squish as much into my life as I can now and I encourage every woman to follow their dreams were only here once and our only restriction s sometimes is fear and ourselves - find something you really wanna do and just do it❤️❤️❤️

Joining in. Early 40s.
I'm mostly knackered. Work has taken off in a terrifying way at exactly the same time the kids social lives did. 2 kids. 2 hobbies = 4 nights out of the house a week, plus homework, school admin and keeping on top of housework.

Plus I'm trying to lose weight by cutting out alcohol (ugh!). If I am lucky, I get to sit down by 10pm.

I don't have any solutions. I write when I get insomnia and I'm trying out paddleboarding this weekend. Used to do drumming, so may look for a band once kids are less dependent.

Nodding away at lots of these posts...

I'm 50, oldest about to go to uni, youngest starting secondary. Others at ages where they need me less. I do enjoy my work, and am starting further training in a related area and developing research, sk looking g forward to a new challenge and meeting new people.

Also went back to a music hobby from my when I was a teen. Was terrifying at first playing in front of people again. But so amazing too. And learning all the new music is keeping my brain nimble I hope. I've also met some interesting new people through it.

Age 47 I finally found a way to exercise that totally suits me! Lost a lot of weight and am reasonably happy with how I look now. But I completely understand the feeling of not knowing what clothes to buy, what to wear that isn't too young, too old.

I have a handful of really good friends and a wider group of acquaintances so happy with that and going to try and invest some time in these over the summer.

Next up is getting back to reading fiction. Started a new Sarah Moss over the weekend. Oh, and I'm separated. Get along well actually with my kids dad, just weren't good at living together any more. Don't want to be alone for ever, but also don't want to date or do any of the online stuff. So just going to see how that plays out over the next few years.

I literally came on here in the hope of finding someone who was feeling the same as me and there appears to be a whole load of women.

My kids are all secondary age now and in some ways that makes things easier but also harder too as there’s an expectation that I’ll now do more with my life. Worked hard in my job but yet overlooked and now feeling pretty hopeless about it. I don’t actually want the responsibility of progression right now as I struggle enough to get out of bed and into work in this role. Just makes me feel like a number that I’m overlooked though and had added to the feelings of why bother working hard. I spend hours thinking about retirement, when I’ll finally have time for myself and be able to live how I want to, yet I’m decades away.

Struggling for money as kids get older and we’ve got cars, uni etc to pay for. I literally get in from my day job and open my laptop to start again, earning as much as I can. Never feel this is good enough as unexpected bills and things crop up which eats back into it. I feel like this is life for me for at least 10 years now. I know I can’t go off sick yet struggle so much with keeping going with it all each day.

I took up a sport after years of doing nothing but had to end it to concentrate on my second job. This has really knocked me as I feel like a big failure. I had plans of entering things related to this hobby in July but now too unfit again and seeing adverts for it, makes me sad.

I have no time for myself, I’ve gained weight and gone are the days where the pounds would drop off. When I’ve managed to stick at it for a month or so, I’ve lost nothing and then fallen back into bad habits. Currently the heaviest I’ve ever been, feel crap in myself and a let down to my kids and husband. Sex life has dwindled and I feel lousy about that but also don’t want to do it as I feel so disgusting. I’ve only got years old work clothes or unfashionable jeans/wide leg trousers for home. Don’t want to spend money buying stuff as I’ll have to earn the money back again, but I feel so embarrassed about how I look and pretty rotten in myself. Nothing seems worth bothering with in terms of my appearance as it either costs money or would be wasted without me losing a lot of weight. I can’t seem to want to try to lose weight again, despite being so down about it.

I try not to burden others with how I feel but life just feels so hard and that there are many years ahead of just this. I only fantasise about disappearing and living by myself on a shoestring budget and being able to walk all day. In my head, I’d be able to give up all this work that I despise and I’d be more relaxed, I’d sleep better, I’d be thinner. Of course it’s all a dream and I don’t actually want to be apart from my family.

Wow, that became a much longer message than I anticipated. If nothing else, it was cathartic to write it all down and I totally get how everyone else is feeling.

OP and all, I can relate to so much of the above. So, I have asked my best friend about how men and women cope with this blah feeling in mid 40s. I am F46 but my coping strategy aligns a lot more to male. I am spending more money on my appearance, exercise more to stay fit, push for more seniority at work.

This is the response

This was exactly me at 40. Retrained in horticulture alongside my work, thinking I might make my gardening hobby into a side hustle, but chucked my job after 6 months of the course to do gardening full time. Been running my own business since and I have a whole new lease of life. It's made me less stressed and nicer to my kids, more appreciative of DH, fitter, and just generally happier. And now I have time to do volunteering because I don't do so much gardening in my time off!

Same

What a brilliant move. I love hearing stress like this. So impressive.

As a kind of a side issue to this, or maybe part of it, does anybody else feel like they have lost or are losing most of their friends?

I thought I had lots of friends & I have always been very sociable, but atm I'm finding it hard to keep friendships going. I seem, more often than not, to be the one to suggest get togethers, and these quite often don't happen! People say they are too busy - with work, kids' activities - but they seem to have time to see other people. I have various groups of friends in theory, but in practice I'm not sure. And I see this being exacerbated once DS3 leaves primary school. I am making some reconnections, with people I haven't seen for years, but these are still very tenuous.

I don't know if it is a me thing or an age thing, but I am really struggling with it. I would love, for example, to go on a 'girls' weekend' away, but it has never happened. I could arrange something, but I have no reason to (no big birthday etc) & I fear it would look weird & I would get rejected, because most of my friends can't even agree on a night out locally 😔

@changedmyname24, its not just you. However, if they are going through the sane things as us, it's a genuine lack of time/lack of mental energy to maintain friendships.

What I am taking away from this is a) more self care and b) higher earnings to enable the self-care! Easier said than done, especially with things like uni fees that would not have been a consideration in the past (I'm still paying off mine).

Going back to the friends things, just arrange something because you deserve. Call it your cheat weekend where you get to opt out of the drudgery and tell them: this is what I am planning; who wants to come? Agree with one person ahead if time to avoid rejection. Most people will be pleased to be asked even if they can't make it.

2 kids. 2 hobbies = 4 nights out of the house a week

This shows how different everyone is. I’d love to have a reason to be out of the house four nights a week, I’d feel I had purpose. But my day is over by 7pm and we’re slumped on the sofa looking for something to watch on Netflix. Passing the time til bedtime. Every night!

But I suppose the point is, it’s doing the same thing over and over, whether that’s in or out.

This is also me. I’m about to start a masters is something ive also wanted to do (and it’s a paid one with a good job at the end of it so quite sought after). I can’t be bothered. I’m not nervous. I just feel like I can’t be arsed. This is not me at all.
i know I need HRT but I can be bothered going through the absolute faff of trying to get a gp appointment.

Same!! Which is why this brilliant woman is hoovering up fans with her We Do Not Care club: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJojgFxuxJy/?igsh=NWR4Nm1vNHB5N2R3

For those of you who think they might be perimenopausal, please get yourself a GP appointment and see if you’re ready to start HRT.
Its such a game changer for many people and it could well have a domino effect through the rest of your life… in a positive way.

It’s not a miracle drug, and won’t give you an overnight career change, size 8 body and a five star all inclusive holiday for 2 weeks but you’ll possibly sleep better, loose some of the brain fog, and feel a bit more ’you’.

I kind of feel like this too. My kids do have hobbies most nights of the week between & both weekend days too, but all it means is I'm either sitting waiting for them or at home on my own as the others are in bed 😏

In terms of friends @Deafnotdumb, I kind of see what you are saying, but they seem to be able to make & keep plans with other people! Which makes me think it's a me thing.

I’m exactly the same I’m 50
with a teenager and a primary aged kid . I’ve started taking supplements for high cortisol as I work nightshift and I feel in the last year lifeless. I’ve delayed most social media apps as well, I felt instead of getting things done I was doom scrolling all
the time . I wish I felt like me again

What was the exercise? I'm trying to find something but have a prolapse so can't do anything that puts pressure on my pelvis and I can't swim as I get recurrent cystitis. So I'm really limited, other than walking. Always looking for ideas...

She’s brilliant. I found her on Instagram last week and have cried and laughed watching her posts and reading the comments. It’s such a relief to hear other women saying that they’re going through the same things.