Bored with everything and need a new lease of life, is it due to perimenopause or just realising you aren't young anymore? Any ideas for making the most of life?

[Beached8]

Mid 40s, lucky enough to have lovely DH and primary aged kids who are getting out of needing you every two minutes stage after years of fertility issues.

I feel like one minute I was 30 and now I've woken up and I'm "old". I know I'm not really old and could live to 90, and that I should appreciate as I'll never be this young again 😂.

I'm also worried about the future for our kids as everything is so much harder than it was 20/30 years ago - housing is so expensive, school is more intense, cost of living has skyrocketed and it's harder to get jobs. I don't think that helps add to a feeling of existential dread.

I'm bored of my job, need to be less frazzled to progress. DH and I haven't done many things since the kids and the years of fertility issues/losses were so overwhelming that everything else slipped away. Lots of friends have moved away, so that hasn't helped. I also need to work on exercise/makeup/clothes as that has taken a backseat over the years. Going to work on reading more/learning about new subjects and doing more fun things with the kids and/or DH.

Does anyone else feel like this and want to join? Or is it just me? I think this is the point were middle aged men want a Ferrari😂

I don’t know OP but I am very like you. Children now in secondary, I feel very “now what”, I’m bored at work (unreasonably so), I’m a dress size too big, can’t drink as much wine as I used to, and everything feels rather meh. Jogging and taking HRT. Still meh

Feel similar TBH though kids are older.

Feel the same too and same age but minus the children. Which I am not sure if makes it worse.

I feel similar. Now my children are a bit older I’ve started feeling unfulfilled in a job I took because it fitted around young kids. I’ve recently tried getting back in touch with old friends but they’re not interested after years of sporadic contact and it’s all just making me feel rather sad and useless. I’ve been struggling with perimenopause symptoms and just general listlessness. I’m not sure what the answer is. I’m early 40s and don’t know what lies ahead but I don’t want it to look like this.

Perhaps it’s just a phase, let’s hope so!

Totally agree

Started a similar post at the weekend

No answers, just solidarity 😊

Exact same here. Wondering if volunteering may be good idea. And possibly going to gym/group exercise class . I put a lot of effort at one point in to socialising for coffees with friends of dc parents. And feel quite hurt now that they seemed to have dropped me like a stone now dc are teenagers. So hoping to forge friendships elsewhere and do new things

I was just about to post something similar, so totally with you. Was so bored at work (admin, no prospect for advancement, current recruitment freeze in a field generally in difficulty) that I took on a second job, so now I'm bored AND stressed and just feeling really stuck. Plus I don't feel I really have time for hobbies. I keep wondering lately how I got here, although I absolutely know (stayed at home with kids too long, partly as it seemed less stressful than the workplace, even though I often found it pretty boring, and partly as it suited my husband at the time). On top of this, DH is very successful and fulfilled in a really interesting job, which just makes me feel worrse. Is this it?

Following.

It seems there are so many of us in this position, such a waste of talent 🤔

Early 30s but feeling bored too.
Nothing is fun
I can’t be bothered
Sex drive is dead

I don’t know what’s wrong as I am not depressed

Yep, can completely relate. Been feeling like this for a couple years. Kids at uni, work not challenging and I'm thinking "Now what?"

I'm quite busy looking after elderly father and now need something for me.

Turned 50 this year, firmly in perimenopause, on HRT, DCs both at uni, working full time but from home, DH working full time and often away with work, recently lost my gorgeous mum.
Needed to fill in the silence and give myself a new lease of life, so joined the gym again (had been working out at home since the pandemic but it's not very sociable) and joined a community choir, condensed hours so I have one full day off a week for life admin, chores and fun - feel like I've found myself again! And HRT - game changer in terms of levelling out mood and finding joy in stuff again.

@Manoodledo i think it’s partly time of life/peri regardless of work - I have a career job and took only 6 months of mat leave per child - and I still feel like this!

Yes I agree with everyone! I have a challenging job and I’ve always loved it, up until about four months ago when I just lost interest (I’m 44). Outside of work I’ve found myself really uninterested in doing anything beyond necessary stuff. I also feel so much lonelier than I did before, feeling as if no one wants to spend any time with me. I know that’s not true though and part of the issue is that I can’t be bothered arranging anything. The single thing that seems to make me feel a bit better is exercise (plenty of dog walks and getting back to a gym routine). I’d really like this phase to be over though! 😔

I'm older and totally recognise that feeling. Honestly, enjoy just now, your always going to feel knackered, more so than now. I imagine a good exercise regime, eating better, sleeping better now will really help.

You know I think that’s what I find so annoying. How much I have to do to feel okay. Go to bed early, drink water not wine, eat balanced diet, exercise. Herbal tea and a paperback. Condition hair to ensure frizz is not so awful. Run to prevent waist getting bigger, not to lose weight.

I do fun things too - other people are great and so socially doing more is key I think.

But actually being middle aged is rather boring. The maintenance feels like painting the Forth Bridge.

@SheilaFentiman Yes, I can appreciate that people can feel this way whaterver they do work-wise. It's reassuring to know I'm certainly not alone. I just feel an added sense of embarassment to my discontent. I did well at school and ok at uni but haven't managed to translate it into anything. It puts me off seeing old friends, who all have good professional careers, which doesn't help.

Oh you’re so not alone – I had a full-on identity crisis the other day because I couldn’t figure out if I was peri-menopausal or just overdue a haircut and a night out. One minute I’m 30 with a lip gloss collection, next minute I’m Googling “best magnesium for sleep” and getting emotional over garden centre loyalty cards.

Totally get what you mean about the kids growing up too – it’s like, yay they’re more independent… and also, who even am I now?

Forget the Ferrari – I’d settle for a weekend away where no one asks me to wipe anything. Count me in for the midlife club. Let’s bring back joy, jeans that fit, and eyeliner that hasn’t expired.

I know how you all feel, it's not just me then.

I have to do so much to feel OK too. I can't drink much anymore and losing weight takes 10x the effort it did before my late 30s.

Planning to continue to exercise more and eat better. I'm trying to find new things to learn about as I think that might help.

Friendships at this point are tricky, friends you meet through DC often drift off and friendships with other friends have struggled through distance etc. We found after Covid that the friendships were you saw each other every 6 months or so didn't really recover.

Volunteering is a good shout and I think I need to get more involved in community with people of a broader age group.

"Was so bored at work (admin, no prospect for advancement, current recruitment freeze in a field generally in difficulty) that I took on a second job, so now I'm bored AND stressed"

Sorry, but this made me laugh. Got a boring job? Get another boring job lol.
I feel the same when people suggest volunteering. One boring job isn't enough, you've also got to go and get ordered about for free! Make your weekends as shit as your week...

My dream is a week in a flat with a nice view in a big city on my own where no one asks me anything and I can drink coffee in peace 😂. I feel bad saying that as I know people with more exciting lives who've always wanted a long term partner and DC would love to swap places.

Not to hijack but if anyone can recommend jeans that look okay rather than cutting you in two like pricked sausage and eyeliner that actually stay on perimenopausal lids that would be v nice thanks

I have to pretend to be soooo nice at work.

NYDJ, get them on John Lewis but usually vinted. Remember they’re American sizes so a US 10 is a UK 14

I feel the same. 47, youngest about to start secondary school so will need me less plus I'll lose contact with a lot of primary school mums.

Am reading a lot, Duolingo, going to gym but doesn't feel enough. Want to do a course in September towards a new/extra job/career.

I heard this the other day, throwback to the early 00s