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Original poster

DH wants me to have a boob job.

78 replies

BillieGi · 01/06/2025 21:39

Sounds bad but let me explain.

He keeps offering to pay for a boob job for me next year when he recieves a sum of money.

I'm early 40s and we have been together over 15 years.

When we first got together I was a little B cup and he loved my figure. I had my children and with my first pregnancy I grew to a DD cup and never went back down. He loved my figure.
With breast feeding and pregnancy things went a little south but I still liked my big boobs and felt confident.

I gained 100lbs due to pregnancies, illness and MH issues. My breasts went to an F cup. He loved my figure and whilst I hated being so overweight I still felt confident and sexy because of my breast, I felt in proportion still.

I have now lost 120lbs and i have very little breast tissue and am extremely saggy in the chest area. HE STILL LOVES MY FIGURE.

He has never, ever made a negative comment about my body or weight.

But I do not love my figure. I hate it. I cannot bear to be naked in front of him for the first time in my life. I cover myself up. I insist on a bra at all times. Even whilst I sleep because if I wear a tshirt or vest my nipples almost touch the bottom of my ribcage.

Our sex life is suffering because of my breasts. He still reacts to me the same way as when i was 25, or 30 or 35 but its ME that can't accept my new body.

So he wants me to get a boobjob so I feel confident and sexy again because I really have just shut down, I know he fancies me just as much as ever but I can't relax during sex at all. I can't take my bra off. He can't touch me there or anything. Its not just emotional but physical, the feeling of having my bra off and the way they feel during sex is off putting.

My question is, is it too late at 40 for this?

I would 100% need an uplift which is putting me off as it seems like a big surgery with a lot that could go wrong. Also general anesthetic etc.. and the money! That could be a big chunk of money in the kids savings or put towards a car etc.

Has anyone had an uplift and implants at this age and been happy with the results?

OP posts:
MinorRSole · 01/06/2025 21:45

I haven’t had one but if I had the money I would. The effect of hating your body and the discomfort sounds exactly how I feel and for me the surgery would be worth it. I don’t even have anyone to do it for but it would be for me.

I think you are the perfect age, if I get the money when I’m 60 I’d still want it!

MeganM3 · 01/06/2025 21:48

To me it sounds like he’s trying to be supportive and fix a problem because he wants you to be happy. And if you had come to the conclusion by yourself that you wanted a boob job and he was happy to pay for it that would be a nice thing.

There’s nothing wrong with spending money on yourself and something that would make a big difference to your happiness, I know I am guilty of always thinking ‘oh but the kids would benefit more from that money for something they could need in the future’ … but actually you being confident and happy is a good use of that cash.

Personally I would do it. My breasts after breastfeeding were unrecognisable and I didn’t feel like myself. Probably more people that you would guess have had breast augmentation.

Tiswa · 01/06/2025 21:49

No your DH doesn’t want you to have a boob job he wants you to feel happy and comfortable in your own skin and see yourself how he sees you.

I think it is important distinction because unless you come to terms with why you want it it isn’t going to be a success.

If you can do that and recognise the reasoning behind it and it will give you body confidence again then yes do it and be successful.

but don’t hinge it on him

ComplexSatsuma · 01/06/2025 21:50

Sounds like you are looking for justification from him or someone else. If you want to do it and you think it will make you happier just go for it!

yeesh · 01/06/2025 21:51

You sound so unhappy, if a boob job would make you happy then go for it. Kids need a happy mum more than savings. Be kind to your self

feelingbleh · 01/06/2025 21:53

Your title is very misleading

GlutesthatSalute · 01/06/2025 21:55

I would advise not.

Your problem is mental and emotional. It has nothing to do with the objective reality of your appearance.

So many people lose a fuckton of weight, or get a boob job or nose job, or veneers, or whatever it is, and they STILL feel self-conscious and dreadful about themselves afterwards. Because it was never the fat or boobs or nose or teeth that was the problem, it was what was going on inside their head.

You have to address the psychological side of things before you go under the knife.

Original poster
BillieGi · 01/06/2025 21:57

I am unhappy. I thought losing the weight would make me so confident but its absolutely killed any confidence I had.

He has loved me and wanted me at every weight Ive been and never commented on my appearance, breasts or size.

Part of me feels like I'm 40 though and maybe its just better to accept this is my body now. I feel like I'm older and maybe its not that important to have a 'good' body. But the issue is more the barrier or being able to be intimate again. We always had a good sex life but that has definitely changed since I've lost weight.
The lose skin on my thighs/belly etc doesnt bother me but my boobs are just gone. If they were just small again that would be fine but they are completely flat and my nipples face down at the ends of them. Its extremely hard to feel sexy when he has to pick my breast up to find my nipple 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
BillieGi · 01/06/2025 21:59

GlutesthatSalute · 01/06/2025 21:55

I would advise not.

Your problem is mental and emotional. It has nothing to do with the objective reality of your appearance.

So many people lose a fuckton of weight, or get a boob job or nose job, or veneers, or whatever it is, and they STILL feel self-conscious and dreadful about themselves afterwards. Because it was never the fat or boobs or nose or teeth that was the problem, it was what was going on inside their head.

You have to address the psychological side of things before you go under the knife.

No its definitely my boobs
I have saggy skin on my thighs, i wear shorts still. I have saggy skin on my upper arms. Still wear vests. I have a saggy belly/mum tum/large aprin of skin and I can stand there in front of him and let him see that but i cannot take my bra off.

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 21:59

I haven't but plan and hope to if I ever lose this weight

40L boobs here though!

Do it, i doubt you'll regret it! 💕

Also, sounds like you've done alright in the husband department! x

Original poster
BillieGi · 01/06/2025 22:04

feelingbleh · 01/06/2025 21:53

Your title is very misleading

It is and it isn't. Because he does keep talking about it.

I haven't said no. I haven't said yes. But he does want me to have it done.

OP posts:
IberianBlackout · 01/06/2025 22:19

Why would it be too late? I think it makes more sense later in life than when you’re young and you likely don’t actually have any physical “need” for it, for lack of better wording. I know someone who got a gastric sleeve in her early 30s and I find it insane considering she wasn’t even that obese.

I would love to have a little lift down the road, probably in my mid to late 40s. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to feel good about your body.

Readytohealnow · 01/06/2025 22:36

If you want to have a boob job, have one. But to feel better in YOURSELF, not for what DH wants.
This current negative body image is not healthy though. You can't go through the next however many years covering up, hating yourself and feeling ashamed. Your body is yours, it is healthy and strong, and you have done so well losing that weight.

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/06/2025 22:40

You’re only 40? Why would it be too late, that’s still young, you’ve likely got decades more in this body. If it’ll make you feel more confident and you also want that then go for it. I’m not sure I understand your issue?

roseymoira · 01/06/2025 22:44

BillieGi · 01/06/2025 22:04

It is and it isn't. Because he does keep talking about it.

I haven't said no. I haven't said yes. But he does want me to have it done.

Show quote history

It is.

Pyjamatimenow · 01/06/2025 22:46

Don’t do this. I’ve had one and absolutely regret it. Mine were done 7 years ago by a leading breast surgeon and the implants have been recalled because of links with lymphoma. I’m stuck with them and I worry I can’t feel any lumps should they occur. I’ve got body issues myself and breast implants have not helped my self esteem whatsoever. Yes dh likes them but All they’ve done is give me anxiety. Not worth it

Worried8263839 · 01/06/2025 22:46

You’re 40, not 80. Go for it or continue being unhappy for the next 40 years! It’s a no brainer for me

shallishanti · 01/06/2025 22:51

please spend the money instead on some therapy
honestly you deserve to feel content with your body, which has done an amazing job and still does

Yellowlab34 · 01/06/2025 22:52

If you decide to go ahead with it, please don't try to save money by going to Turkey, get it done in the UK by a properly qualified surgeon.

Deebee90 · 01/06/2025 22:53

Your DH doesn’t want you to have a boob job he wants his beautiful wife back. He can tell this is bothering you and wants to help the best he can. At 40 you are still alive and could have another 50 years yet if not more why not live with your body the way you want it. If you don’t want the surgery then don’t but you need therapy to get over your issues. Covering yourself up and hiding away isn’t Normal and needs sorting.

girljulian · 01/06/2025 22:55

Do it!

Trendyname · 01/06/2025 22:59

Pyjamatimenow · 01/06/2025 22:46

Don’t do this. I’ve had one and absolutely regret it. Mine were done 7 years ago by a leading breast surgeon and the implants have been recalled because of links with lymphoma. I’m stuck with them and I worry I can’t feel any lumps should they occur. I’ve got body issues myself and breast implants have not helped my self esteem whatsoever. Yes dh likes them but All they’ve done is give me anxiety. Not worth it

Can you get them removed if they are causing anxiety?

For op, maybe it’s better she gets lift job done rather than implant.

S0j0urn4r · 01/06/2025 23:01

Your situation is making you unhappy. I'm squeamish about surgery but in your case I can understand how you'd consider it.
Would therapy to help you accept your current body work?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 01/06/2025 23:02

I had one at 39.Best decision ever.Do your research though.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 01/06/2025 23:06

If you would like one, have one.

He's wanting your confidence back for you.

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