DH wants me to have a boob job.

[BillieGi]

Sounds bad but let me explain.

He keeps offering to pay for a boob job for me next year when he recieves a sum of money.

I'm early 40s and we have been together over 15 years.

When we first got together I was a little B cup and he loved my figure. I had my children and with my first pregnancy I grew to a DD cup and never went back down. He loved my figure.
With breast feeding and pregnancy things went a little south but I still liked my big boobs and felt confident.

I gained 100lbs due to pregnancies, illness and MH issues. My breasts went to an F cup. He loved my figure and whilst I hated being so overweight I still felt confident and sexy because of my breast, I felt in proportion still.

I have now lost 120lbs and i have very little breast tissue and am extremely saggy in the chest area. HE STILL LOVES MY FIGURE.

He has never, ever made a negative comment about my body or weight.

But I do not love my figure. I hate it. I cannot bear to be naked in front of him for the first time in my life. I cover myself up. I insist on a bra at all times. Even whilst I sleep because if I wear a tshirt or vest my nipples almost touch the bottom of my ribcage.

Our sex life is suffering because of my breasts. He still reacts to me the same way as when i was 25, or 30 or 35 but its ME that can't accept my new body.

So he wants me to get a boobjob so I feel confident and sexy again because I really have just shut down, I know he fancies me just as much as ever but I can't relax during sex at all. I can't take my bra off. He can't touch me there or anything. Its not just emotional but physical, the feeling of having my bra off and the way they feel during sex is off putting.

My question is, is it too late at 40 for this?

I would 100% need an uplift which is putting me off as it seems like a big surgery with a lot that could go wrong. Also general anesthetic etc.. and the money! That could be a big chunk of money in the kids savings or put towards a car etc.

Has anyone had an uplift and implants at this age and been happy with the results?

I had one at 48, I don’t regret it. I had to wear a bra to bed and hated how they looked after kids. I feel good about myself now!

If you want to get them done then do it. I had a tummy tuck about 8 years ago (at the age you are now) because I hated my apron tummy. It wasn’t a psychological thing it was a case of hating a bit of me that didn’t feel part of me. So I had it cut off and literally never think about my stomach now, I just got on with my life and my only regret was waiting so long to get it done.

I can feel your quandry OP. It’s like you’ve been offered the magic wand - the offer of surgery that will solve all your problems & yet you’re not biting off his hand to get them done. It is on paper a completely rational suggestion given the way you feel about your boobs. But I wonder if your reluctance is about deeper things. Don’t mean to pry but what’s your sex life like with your DH? You say your boobs are a barrier to being intimate or sexual with him but if given the option to remove that barrier you’re not feeling that excited at the prospect. So is the real issue a difference in your views & appetites for sex? Are you ok with having less sex (bcos of your boobs?) Are you quite happy if you don’t have sex as much as your DH would like? When you say should you be accepting your body & at 40 not be trying to hold onto the sexiness of youth do your boobs give you an excuse & an out from having more sex than you really want now as a 40 something? If they’re returned to those of a perky 20/30 something will you feel like you’re going to have to perform sexually or act like a perky 20 or 30 something when you don’t really feel like one any more (bcos you’re not!) I don’t blame you.

I think if you’ve got mixed feelings about it then you’re not fully in & it would be the wrong decision. I think you might be more hyper aware & sensitive to the whole thing & not maybe prepared for your body being modified & changed (even if it makes it aesthetically on paper more pleasing). I mean it might not - you might be like why the hell did I worry this is great! But I think you need to examine & also share honestly your fears & feelings with your DH who sounds like a gem & able to cope with whatever you feel & decide to do. Although his offer is in the nicest possible way a form of a pressure even if it’s not meant that way. Also because it’s not come from you you’re having to make yourself feel like you want to when it’s completely ok to not want to. And it’s also completely ok to not like or even hate your boobs AND equally not want to change or modify them. It is a form of mutilation & a surgical risk. All just to have boobs of a younger woman. They may also be very different from the way your boobs ever were before kids etc.

It may be hard to express a differing attitude to sex & the need or appetite for it & your feelings of maturing & ageing in general with your DH. But he needs to hear them I think & then learn how to love & have intimacy with you as you are now - not just physically but emotionally too. Also are your boobs solely to blame for the loss of body confidence? Could your hormones be playing a part too making you not want sex as much (ie possible perimenopause although you are only 40 it could be playing a part).