DH wants me to have a boob job.

[BillieGi]

Sounds bad but let me explain.

He keeps offering to pay for a boob job for me next year when he recieves a sum of money.

I'm early 40s and we have been together over 15 years.

When we first got together I was a little B cup and he loved my figure. I had my children and with my first pregnancy I grew to a DD cup and never went back down. He loved my figure.
With breast feeding and pregnancy things went a little south but I still liked my big boobs and felt confident.

I gained 100lbs due to pregnancies, illness and MH issues. My breasts went to an F cup. He loved my figure and whilst I hated being so overweight I still felt confident and sexy because of my breast, I felt in proportion still.

I have now lost 120lbs and i have very little breast tissue and am extremely saggy in the chest area. HE STILL LOVES MY FIGURE.

He has never, ever made a negative comment about my body or weight.

But I do not love my figure. I hate it. I cannot bear to be naked in front of him for the first time in my life. I cover myself up. I insist on a bra at all times. Even whilst I sleep because if I wear a tshirt or vest my nipples almost touch the bottom of my ribcage.

Our sex life is suffering because of my breasts. He still reacts to me the same way as when i was 25, or 30 or 35 but its ME that can't accept my new body.

So he wants me to get a boobjob so I feel confident and sexy again because I really have just shut down, I know he fancies me just as much as ever but I can't relax during sex at all. I can't take my bra off. He can't touch me there or anything. Its not just emotional but physical, the feeling of having my bra off and the way they feel during sex is off putting.

My question is, is it too late at 40 for this?

I would 100% need an uplift which is putting me off as it seems like a big surgery with a lot that could go wrong. Also general anesthetic etc.. and the money! That could be a big chunk of money in the kids savings or put towards a car etc.

Has anyone had an uplift and implants at this age and been happy with the results?

Do you have any recommendations?

I have no idea where to start, I've looked at Instagram but I don't think what I'm seeing is geared towards my own needs.

You sound very conflicted and I get it. I agree with you that aging happens and it’s good to lean into it. But if your sex life has taken this much of a hit that is a problem that’s worth addressing. I don’t know exactly how, but a boon job is worth considering.

I had a boob job over ten years ago.
for the first year - they looked AWFUL… literally like rock hard Barbie boobs that were so high up.
they drooped a little after 12-18m, but actually only now that I’ve breast fed three babies, and they’ve sagged a lot am I happy with them.
I now forget they are implants really.

I went back to my surgeon and asked but was told that to remove he’d have to take out the capsule that forms around the implant and that I was more at risk from lung problems from that than the cancer associated with these particular implants. They don’t tell you these things

Your body, your choice. Make sure you have enough money saved for corrective surgery if it goes wrong. They don’t last forever and you need money to have them removed / replaced.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm178Njiu_I

If there is any way on earth to avoid implants, I implore you to avoid implants!

You might love them for a year but I'm going to guarantee you a lifetime of huge trouble because of them. I don't have implants but my boobs did upset me and I researched alot some years ago.

Is there a way any exercise can help? I'd look at chest exercises. I'd look at fat transfer and research the impact of that with possibly a breast lift.

You can have a lift that just has an incision from nipple down without the anchor under boob incision and scar. It's a lollipop lift.

The implants will drop down and there's a phenomenon where the nipple will be disproportionately high and look higher and higher over time. It looks awful. It's probably why celebs like KPrice have endless boob jobs.

You have contracture complications, you have dropping almost guaranteed with boobs that have sagged and stretched. You have links to autoimmunity and illness. You don't want this shit.

Look at the research and data on fat transfer from your own body. I don't know how far we've progressed with this. I don't know risks and long term data but I'd be leaning towards that over implants.

If possible, I would have a reduction / lift instead of implants, to get rid of the bagginess, but I'm no breast expert.

I'd pay for therapy, instead. Learning to accept ourselves is priceless. Sending love 💐

I definitely wouldn't. There's risk with any operation, and as you said its money that could be spent on the DC.
Instead, just remind yourself DH loves your figure. Also remember that a boob job longer term may end up looking far more odd on an aging body than just naturally aging.

I had a boob job at 44. I had always wanted one, but more so after breast feeding. I love them and its definitely boosted my confidence in the bedroom. I feel womanly and in proportion. Only my very eagle-eyed friends noticed.

I had a bonus from work. My partner went halves with me, or we bought one each I guess! He knew how it made me feel. He didn't pressure me, we'd already been together 10 years. I think we both enjoy the investment in different ways!

If you are London-based and what a recommendation DM me. I didn't need an uplift but I have seen plenty of examples of my surgeon's work that includes uplifts and the man is a genius.

So you think he will only love you if you do this, i would assume therapy is more help going by that thinking

I just had my last child 2 years ago. I have massive boobs always have. They have gotten bigger and smaller through weight gain, multiple pregnancies.

I told my dh if they sagged massively when they went down after my last I was 100% getting a lift done. I don't expect or want them to be like in my 20s but I know that I would feel how you do looking at myself naked if they dropped massively due to skin stretching and shrinkage. I'm 41.

I don't expect them to look like this in my 60s or 70s. But I won't spend 30 or 40 years feeling absolutely shit at what is reflected back to me in a mirror.

He doesn't want you to get them done for his benefit physically he wants you to get them done so you stop feeling so awful in yourself.

And sorry but personally there is not enough therapy in the world that would change the fact I know I would absolutely hate to see myself in the mirror with my nipples down to my belly button. I don't care about the stretch marks, the stomach that isn't a bit flat or my cellulite. But my boob's have always been so much more affected by the changes in my body over the years.

Get some theapry first to work through how you feel about it but I would also research consultants and have consultations to find out what it would involve and what options you have.

@Renabrook I think it is about expressing how you feel to your partner without judgement. If my partner was bothered about thinning hair for example. I wouldn't care about thinning hair. If he wanted to do something about it and it would look natural I would support him. It is his body. If he wanted turkey teeth, I'd defo run for the hills and never look back!! We are all different but I feel like my partner making an effort with his appearance is nice he and wants to stay fit and healthy for his family.

People will always judge others choices when it comes to making changes to your body. That's OK, we can all have our opinions. I certainly said all the things others say to myself before having surgery. It's unnecessary surgery, I could use the money for the family, it shouldn't matter how I looked etc. However, it's made me feel great.

Large breasts that have deflated and sagged are not going to have the same outcomes as breasts that had an implant without a lift.

Those that are requiring a lift with implants are going to have significantly more issues with durability ( implant dropping and making nipple look higher), tissue strength will be compromised in this situation and skin will be weaker.

The surgeon will undoubtedly have impressive images at a 6 week follow up but before recommending I'd be wanting to see his 5 year follow up pictures. Available anywhere I wonder?

I understand some surgeons and their lackeys financially incentivise former patients to refer others for surgery. Not good.

Hey OP 👋 …
Absolutely do this !
Why should you have to feel so unhappy in yourself when you don’t have to ..
You also seem to have a really nice husband who just wants you to be happy again ..😊 …
X

@BillieGi you are ONLY 40 . Loads of life left in you . Go for it . These guys know what they are doing they do it like we brush our teeth . Don’t think . Can’t out a price on happiness . I wouldn’t think it’s much of a risk. .the usual for any op .

I had a very similar story, I had this done for my 40th Birthday 2 years ago—it’s the BEST thing I have ever done for myself! I am so much happier, confident and feel closer than ever to my DH, I myself had closed myself off also. Some people wouldn’t understand but it’s how I felt inside, it didn’t matter how much he fancied me and constantly reassured me, nothing made me feel better. You can always earn more money, but you cannot put a price on feeling this happy! Life begins at 40 (so they say)

Just make sure you do your research and find the best surgeon to get the results you want.

Good Luck

Maybe try paying for therapy first and see if that fixes your confidence?

Your title is very misleading
he’s supporting you in something you want for yourself

tbh sounds like you want someone to make the decision for you

@Pleaseshutthefuckup great point. I would say my surgeon was incredibly conservative. For multiple reasons he avoided overly large implants for this reason, given my age. I appreciate I didn't need that lift so it is not a direct comparison. He mainly focuses on reconstructive surgery, hence his conservative and honest appraisal.

Your title is incorrect. It should be ‘Am I too old for a boob job’, which of course is no as I imagine many women have them after having children. Your husband is just the one paying for it.

FFS why are people getting hung up on the title. You read the OP, so you know what her story is.

OP, can you try and find some Facebook groups to join where you can speak with women who have had this procedure? It might help to hear from women who felt the same as you going into surgery, and whether they feel it "fixed" their issues around body confidence? I understand what people are saying about self esteem being a mental issue, not a physical one, however it seems that you have very specific issues with a very specific body part. You aren't describing any kind of generalised unhappiness with your body. That makes me wonder if actually the breast surgery could help in your case.

A Facebook group may also may be able to give you a more accurate idea of what to expect results-wise in your specific position, as opposed to just looking at generic post-surgery pictures on Instagram.

My late mum had a boob job in her late 50’s do to a similar reason as you and she was very happy with them and said she wished she did it sooner. If you want one do it for you, 40’s isn’t old at all, yes we are approaching menopause but that doesn’t me we stop being sexy or womanly and in terms of average life expectancy it’s still young. If you think it will boost your confidence then go for it! X

I'm 21 and have always had awful saggy boobs. I hate my husband seeing them. I've been breastfeeding for 7 months now and they've only gotten worse. I'm 1000% getting a boob lift when I'm done having kids/breastfeeding.

Do it! 40 is young!

Do not forget that your insecurities are part of you. The fact that you cannot accept that you are still attractive is an internal problem with you. Why not find a way of addressing those insecurities rather than spending megabucks on a boob job that could be better spent on.having fun?