When you're out with someone, how much phone use is OK?

[Squarepuffin]

Newish BF. We do spend a lot of time together and he has a lot of friends and interests who are important to him, which is good.

So, when we're together he is often replying to or sending messages. Some will be a checkin on someone he either speaks to regularly or hasn't heard from for a while, some will be banter in a group chat, some will be plans and arrangements for something he's going to or something he's trying to gather a group together to go to.

I love all this about him, he 's proactive in friendships and in making thins happen/finding things to do, but I do find it rude when e.g. we're sat in a restaurant and he's on his phone. He'd say he's with me so.much that if he didn't do it when he's with me he'd never do it, which does have an event of truth.

None. None at all is acceptable unless an emergency.

Fwiw he's more than happy to have me see the messages and/or will discuss who he's talking to and what about with me.

So if you're with someone all day, you wouldn't expect them to look at their phone at all?

but I do find it rude when e.g. we're sat in a restaurant and he's on his phone. He'd say he's with me so.much that if he didn't do it when he's with me he'd never do it, which does have an event of truth.

Yeah but he's talking bollocks about the restaurant because there's absolutely no excuse for that.

If you were just sitting round each other's houses, then fine to use your phone for a little while, as long as you're not in the middle of anything.

A meal with a friend, I have my phone out but only incase DD messages, and i’ll apologise to my friend if I need to reply. They don’t mind of course. Spending a lot of time with someone is different, of course depending what a lot of time is. But assume he wants to keep up with messages and if you’re out all day then i’d expect some time spent on it, but not loads.

I wouldn’t continue dating him if he isn’t present and involved in the moments with you because he is constantly on his phone.

Not when you're out for a meal, no, thats just rude

This is weird. Why do you want to see the messages/why does he offer you this option?

This.

And also if he's like this whilst your relationship is still quite new, imagine what he's going to be like when it isn't?

None. You only answer your phone if it rings and it’s an emergency.

Completely rude, otherwise.

None. Phones should stay out of sight. Digital addiction destroys human interaction.

Being on the phone in a restaurant is downright rude.

More or less agree with this. We all managed it in the days before mobile phones were ubiquitous.

Your in a restaurant

Msgs / replies / organising events can wait until atleast your back at home

I'm not sure if that's true actually. We live in a digital age and he is very much using it to maintain human relationships.

When someone spends more time on their phone than talking to you, it is giving a clear indication that they think the person messaging them is more important than you are.

And very much showing you where you come in his order of importance.

But he’s using the phone when out with you and should be focusing on the human relationship he has with the person sat opposite him.

He's really not spending "more" time on the phone. He's finding time to reply to a few messages during the course of a day with me. Having dinner is the time we're sitting rather than active.

All day, for several days in a row? When does he get to speak to his friends or reply to their messages?

I have 2 young people with extra needs and I am their sole Carer.
So, I'd explain that, have my phone in reach so I could see if emergency msgs. Apart from that, No. Unless we were talking, needed to check a fact / weather etc and one of us Googled it. But otherwise, no, it's telling you that their phone is more important than you are. Not a compliment.

No. Not if you are newish to dating. Maybe it’s an age thing, I’m 50, but we just don’t do it at all.

Together all day - check the phone eg when your date has gone to get food, go to the loo etc or in an emergency (child is ill, friend needs a yes/no on booking tickets by 5pm etc). Maybe when you are both relaxing somewhere but not in the middle of a conversation.

Out for a few hours in the evening - very rude to be looking at your phone. Maybe when date has gone to the loo but it gets put away when they return.

If he is more interested in chatting to friends who aren't there and you haven't known each other very long then he's not that invested in the relationship...

Yes, or an unignorable work email or call that needs dealing with instantly to forestall some disaster. Otherwise none at all.