When you're out with someone, how much phone use is OK?

[Squarepuffin]

Newish BF. We do spend a lot of time together and he has a lot of friends and interests who are important to him, which is good.

So, when we're together he is often replying to or sending messages. Some will be a checkin on someone he either speaks to regularly or hasn't heard from for a while, some will be banter in a group chat, some will be plans and arrangements for something he's going to or something he's trying to gather a group together to go to.

I love all this about him, he 's proactive in friendships and in making thins happen/finding things to do, but I do find it rude when e.g. we're sat in a restaurant and he's on his phone. He'd say he's with me so.much that if he didn't do it when he's with me he'd never do it, which does have an event of truth.

It's not possible to have the (commonly held) view that it's rude to be on the phone when you're with someone, at the same time as appreciating that working to maintain friendships and being good at organising social things is a good thing?

Exactly. I would not find this acceptable.
Why set the bar so low?

Yeah, I think we've all fallen for a slow and steady here.

🎣🐟

He has 20 mins to shower and eat. Even ifhe can check his phone while eating, that's not time to deal with the kinds of messages he's sending, where there'll be back and forth to agree plans etc.

Unless you are literally glued to one another, 24/7surely he can ‘organise things’ at other times? I mean, I ‘work at maintaining friendships’ and organise things too, but I don’t do it when I’m out with someone else.

Also, I think sending someone a series of emojis or a thumbs up ‘working at maintaining friendships’ is a bit aggrandising.

Depends what he does for work and if he can check during breaks so it doesn't all build up. My job is full on so the only chance I get to properly read anything is when I get home. If I was going out though I would just wait until after or next day, we did used to survive before immediate responses! Xxx

let me put this in a really simple way: yes, it’s nice that he has friends, but it’s still rude to contact them when he is out with someone else.
why leant he have his phone at work? Presumably because his employer wants him to focus on his job? Perhaps you should explain to his employer that he needs to have his phone at work to maintain all his friendships and that it’s a good thing that he is so popular and has all the relationships…

I don't think he is. I was married for 30 years and this man is far more attentive than DH ever was.

He will find every sliver of time possible to see me, but that means he sometimes needs to deal with other things while he's with me.

He has these messages to respond to because hes a good man who cares.

I messaged him earlier with some slightly bad news I've had today, and he called me the first opportunity he had (his journey home), despite the fact that I'll see him later. He'd do similar for his friends, but that means sometimes responding when he's with me.

OK, and you'd like your child's teacher to be doing that? OK and you'd like your child's teacher to be doing that? 😂

So what exactly are you complaining about?

We went to a lovely hotel recently. It was expensive and a treat.
there was a young couple at the next table two nights running and the woman literally stared at her phone the whole evening. Her husband looked miserable. He didn’t have his phone with him. I heard her telling him something about the children, so imagine they had children at home and parents were babysitting. Why on earth would someone behave like that ? It’s just so unbelievably rude.

I was being facetious

Then what's the problem then?

I really don't get why you've started this thread, if you're then going to stick up for him at every opportunity. It's more annoying than someone looking at their phone constantly, that's for sure.

I’d say virtually none

It's hard to answer because you started by saying he's on the phone when you go out together to eat on a date (this is not ok) then you changed it to hes been at work all day then goes for a run then showers so doesn't look at his phone until 9pm so needs to catch up with people this is completely acceptable in my opinion if its about 10 minutes replying to msg etc if hes on his phone from the moment he walks in your house to the moment he leaves and he's just ignoring you then that's not ok. It's hard to tell whether he's rude or your controlling as your comments are all over the place

Was I complaining? I was asking a question. I find it rude for all the reasons others have said. I also see his point.

Fwiw he's just called to say he finished work earlier than expected can he come for 8pm. He could have taken the time for himself....

Maybe to check for messages about two or three times at most incase its urgent and only respond if time sensitive/urgent

Fuck knows.

Anyway, I thought Mark Zuckerberg was already married.

Why would he do that? He’ll just reply to all the messages when he’s with you!

I know 😂He's keen to get here I guess.

It's going to be a great evening.

One of you sat there winding up Mumsnet, and the other thinking he's Britain's biggest influencer.

The only acceptable amount is none. Unless you go to the loo - then he can use his phone, but only is he puts it away as soon as you return.
It's just very rude for anyone to be checking their phone when they are in a face to face situation with someone else.

I have absolutely no idea what the point of this thread is
It's rude but it's good? Righto

I think it may be to kill time until mr incredibly popular arrives at her house.

OK. I thought it was good to consider someone else's POV, rather than doggedly sticking to your own.

It is good that he's active socially. It might be better if he found other time to do it and perhaps I should tell him we should see less of each other to allow that, but he's taking care of people and making plans that I benefit from too.