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Original poster

When you're out with someone, how much phone use is OK?

80 replies

Squarepuffin · 27/05/2025 18:24

Newish BF. We do spend a lot of time together and he has a lot of friends and interests who are important to him, which is good.

So, when we're together he is often replying to or sending messages. Some will be a checkin on someone he either speaks to regularly or hasn't heard from for a while, some will be banter in a group chat, some will be plans and arrangements for something he's going to or something he's trying to gather a group together to go to.

I love all this about him, he 's proactive in friendships and in making thins happen/finding things to do, but I do find it rude when e.g. we're sat in a restaurant and he's on his phone. He'd say he's with me so.much that if he didn't do it when he's with me he'd never do it, which does have an event of truth.

OP posts:

feelingbleh · 27/05/2025 20:03

Squarepuffin · 27/05/2025 20:02

OK. I thought it was good to consider someone else's POV, rather than doggedly sticking to your own.

It is good that he's active socially. It might be better if he found other time to do it and perhaps I should tell him we should see less of each other to allow that, but he's taking care of people and making plans that I benefit from too.

OK so what's the problem 🤔

CatsLikeBoxes · 27/05/2025 20:14

Can you have some boundaries so it's not a blanket yes or no? For example, I wouldn't like someone to message or phone someone when we're having a meal unless it's something that needs a quick / immediate response (eg query from my / his teens) but if we're together for a longer period of time I wouldn't mind a few short conversations if he was organising something. But I wouldn't expect him to spend ages on his phone unless we were spending all our time together.

Are there times when you're together that you mind more or less if he makes some calls / messages? Also can he not call friends on his drive home / drive to you?
Does he contact you to make plans when he's with other people?

Original poster

Squarepuffin · 27/05/2025 20:15

feelingbleh · 27/05/2025 20:03

OK so what's the problem 🤔

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I don't know if there is one, I was just aiming for a discussion

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ViciousCurrentBun · 27/05/2025 20:20

At the dinner table never, out all day maybe every couple of hours. Unless you are making life or death decisions or are moving stuff about on the stock market then it’s unnecessary. People are self obsessed, we are but an insignificant speck.

I was there at the very start of social media, had access to the internet back in 1994 when only 5% of the world did. What was an amazing and useful tool has ruined society more than it has enhanced it now. I’m writing more about the sort of SM that plays your life out in real time not the anonymous stuff.

Hallywally · 27/05/2025 20:34

I’d always reply to my kids if I was out with friends/partner but other than that, it’s rude x

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