I've just spent a few days at new man's parents' house

[Curlybook]

They've been lovely, nothing too much trouble and the house is beautiful, spotless, but soo uncomfortable.

Nothing is there to be nice to use. The beds are nice looking wooden frames with saggy mattresses, the sofa has wooden arms and is impossible to sit on unless you sit up straight, even garden furniture has no cushions and the shower doesn't have a handheld bit so is awkward to use.

I've come home to my slightly shabby and untidy house glad to be able to curl up on the sofa.

Do you think they find it uncomfortable too?

I'm guessing not since they live with it! Are they quite 'victorian' in the way they live? Always sat up straight rather than lying on sofas, sagging mattresses because they paid £500 in 1980 to see them to the end of their lives?
It's probably just a personality difference.

We never use the handheld bit in our shower! Just the overhead bit.

They’re probably used to it now. I cannot sit on metal garden furniture- so uncomfortable!!

His mum, I her 70s is beautifully turned out herself and definitely not dressed for comfort. It's a shoes off house, but every evening she was in gold heels that she saves for indoors.

Why would they decorate their house in a way that they found uncomfortable?

In laws can be odd. My ex DH’s parents used to serve up weird tasteless small portions of food. My family is Greek so it was a culture shock. When mil ate with my family she actually swooned at the table and had to go lie down as the food was ‘too much’.

Other households’ ‘normal’ is often odd — going to a new boyfriend’s parents’ house is a bit like how weird it felt when you went on a sleepover and encountered families that said an elaborate grace before meals, or where ketchup was served from a jar on a special side plate using a small spoon, or the younger children dressed themselves from a large trunk that contained all the junior clothes!

I know my SIL can’t bear staying in my parents’ house — it’s tiny and overheated, all the rooms lead out of one another, so you can’t go to the bathroom without passing through either the kitchen or the living room, and there’s no privacy at all.

DH’s parents’ living room is set up for two people in armchairs watching tv, and they shut the blinds and never turn on the lights (the better to watch tv), so if you’re there, you’re peering fuzzily at their faces lit by tv light. And their only loo/bathroom is downstairs, just inside the front door, across from the living room, and it has frosted glass panels which allow anyone passing to look straight at a flight ly frosted, but entirely visible picture of you sitting in full view on the loo.

My 'in-laws' offered me Elmlea.

I find visiting some extended family - younger generation - a bit weird because there are no curtains or blinds downstairs. It's like being in a goldfish bowl. There aren't neighbours looking in directly or passersby. But because there are bare vinly wood floors, bright orange sofas, and plain white walls - nothing in the way of plants, ornaments, pictures etc, no plants in the garden just an artificial grass lawn - the overall environment just feels uncomfortable. Even though the sofas are fine to sit on.

Apart from the garden furniture which I think is normal, It just sounds a bit old fashioned.

Garden furniture with no cushions is no big deal - plenty of places have wrought iron furniture or wood furniture to sit on with no cushions - homes and commercial places. I wouldn't think that was particularly uncomfortable or think it's a big deal. A lot of wooden garden furniture if it's good quality is fine to sit in without cushions to me - ones with nice curving backs and curving arms.

A sofa with wooden arms sounds very 60s/70s. Having to sit straight up is probably generational. Younger people are used to a much more casual lifestyle. Just compare work dress 30 years ago with today. Hardly anyone wears suits and ties now. Previously men would be suit and tie all the time - not even coming home and changing into more casual. Suit and tie for dinner and then just take it off before bed. Now we are all pull on tracksuit bottoms, fleeces and slobbing about on the sofa. Older generations just didn't do that and still don't.

Why are you posting though? To get it off your chest or for 'what can I do about it advice?'

Just chatting really. I've had a lovely few days, they really are very kind people and I can see why they have such a lovely son 🙂I'm just not in a hurry to sleep there again, my back might never be the same....

My dad refused to replace the guest room mattress as he didn’t want to encourage visitors ! God, it was uncomfortable.

His own bed was memory foam, latest model , huge. Yet he couldn’t understand why I would not sleep over in his guest room if he needed some help . ( he lived close by)

MIL was similar, come to think of it, but she truly thought her guest room was fab.

Other households’ ‘normal’ is often odd

Absolutely! Every single one of us will be weird to other people

Doubt you'll be invited back in a hurry, if they get wind of you being so critical of someone else's home.

It might be that the 'upright' wooden armed furniture is just easier to get out of. When my mum got older she had a very straight backed armchair because she struggled to get off the (soft and very comfortable) sofa.

How very rude.

Omg this made me lol
Bless them 😂

I have two sets of in-laws (my husbands parents remarried), they both live in houses virtually identical to one another, only have polycotton bed linen that makes you sweat whether it’s warm or cold, and the mattresses aren’t saggy (if only), the are hard as boards and the springs are busted. I’ve told DH he needs to tell them all they need new beds, has he? Nope.

You’ve won. A frosted panel displaying the seated loo user. What happens if someone needs a number two, or has a dicky tummy? Do you all stand in the garden?

I'm just going to dump 25 years of resentment here.
In-laws have three kids, each with partners and two grand children. We all live far enough away that an over night is required.
They have their own spacious master bedroom with en suite.
The office is offered with a very small child's blow up mattress. It also has a large portrait of SIL that gives nightmare vibes
There's a small double room with a lumpy double bed that was second hand 20 years ago, this room is also stuffed with furniture around the perimeter.

There's a large bedroom, this has a very ancient 30 plus years second hand pull out sofa with a topper that no one can touch because it has a knack. There's also a 'daybed' stuffed with horse hair that DH occasionally slept on in the 1970s

The conservatory has a tiny sofa under some propped up, unfixed glass panels this is available for grandchildren. A 1950s camp bed can also be brought up from the shed.

The garden office has a second hand pull out sofa, this is also a mess of toppers and cheap mattress and springs.

All the grand children are at least 5ft 4in now. So four available rooms for sleeping and not one decent bed. The sheets also don't always get changed because we are all family. Fun times.

The PIL are rightly really proud of their house and garden, they have poured huge amounts of love and time into it but staying over night is just ridiculous and not one of their actual kids ever say anything. The whole guest bed thing just rumbles on like there's no money in the bank and no one minds.

I've found a spa for the next time we visit.

In any situation like this, if you are in a serious relationship or married and it is likely you will need to be staying there regularly over the years, just deal with it. Not you @Curlybook at this stage as sounds you are early days but for people who are going to be going back and back again.

No one wants someone to suffer. Just address it - tell them it hurts you back and offer to buy a new matress tell them you are going to buy it

I remember my aunty going on for years about rock hard pillows at her inlaws and then one year she had a revelation that she could buy her own pillows and take them there. It was all fine and she was happy but she still goes on about the decade of wasted time before she dealt with it - and this must now be about 40 years ago!

Yeah I had this! PIL’s lovely but their house was so uncomfy and they smoked. But DH was a keeper and they had strong family values.

I sucked it up ! Was worth it but eurgh

I dread to think. I notice my 13 year old never goes to the loo there! The entire family used to convene for a takeaway on Saturday evenings, and whoever had just come in through the front door and was greeting everyone would routinely include anyone who happened to be on the loo because you could see who it was through the glass!

My in laws don’t have a dining table and all sit round on the sofa/ chairs with their Xmas dinner on their laps. No starters or napkins of anything! Where as my mum does a full 3 course meal and sets the table all nice for the occasion. I e been with my husband for 11yrs and only eaten there once lol

My parents have wrought iron garden furniture, no cushions but it is very comfy. You just can’t slouch about on it. They have sofas with soft arms, but I have never, ever seen either of them sideways with their feet up like my generation and my DCs tend to. So if they had wooden arms t wouldnt be a problem at all. We have an Ikea sofa with wooden arms in a small space and it is ever so comfy, you can pop a cushion against the arm if you do want to turn sideways.

I hate showers without a handheld head though, especially those overhead waterfall ones, horrible things. And as for uncomfy mattresses, no, that’s just not on. DFIL’s spare bed is rock hard and I don’t like sleeping there.