Surely every school isn't like this?

[SchoolIssues25]

I supervised a school disco as a favour at my 7 year old child's school. The school does have issues although has a good ofsted. Ideally I would like to move him but he's happy there.
I was shocked when supervising. I know kids aren't perfect as they're kids but ffs. Kids were pushing, spitting, one lad lay on top of another so he went red and had to be pulled off more or less. The kids were so rough. I was shocked. Surely this isn't normal ?

Sadly this is increasingly becoming the norm these days. Gentle parenting fails leading to feral entitled kids. Not all of them, obviously, but a significant enough minority to disrupt the whole.

1st replay nailed it.

7 yr old boys can be very ummm rough and tumble. They love to play fight and shove. Indoor disco when most 7 yr olds don’t know how to “dance” is really a silly idea. So yes I’m not surprised.

Who pulled him off? I’m surprised they didn’t have to gently talk to him and persuade him to make good choices instead.

No, gentle parenting done properly does not fail. It is the best way to bring up a child . It encourages respect and self confidence .
I was at school in the 70s and most people had a very authoritarian upbringing, corporal punishment was used at school and school discos were exact as described in the OP. Children especially boys were very, very rough. It's nothing at all to do with gentle parenting which wasn't even heard of then!

Teacher here of20 years. Behaviour today is about one billion times worse than it was a decade ago. I’m very glad I’m at the retirement end.

Actually rough and tumble has been found to be essential to boys development - it helps them learn what hurts, what someone’s limits are etc. Boys who miss out on this physical rough housing are more likely to end up as sexual offenders, as they do not learn physical/emotional boundaries etc.

Gentle parenting done right does not fail. The fail happens when people think gentle parenting means never saying no or not setting boundaries. They are not the same.

@SchoolIssues25 Actually I don’t think it’s normal. Obviously it’s a minority. They are not all rough. It’s difficult if it’s a parent event to exclude dc but if it’s a school event, and not part of the curriculum, it’s possible to stop dc going I believe. Were teachers present?

Yes I agree it disrupts everyone but I bet parents would say they are sen. They get over excited at discos and when I’ve been present it’s been very full on with energy and fun. I would talk to the school about how the worst dc can be prevented from going but it’s always the case the few spoil things for the many. Gentle parenting is to blame when parents don’t recognise dc are not responding. It then descends to lazy parenting!

Studies please.

That’s what I was going to say! Those posters seem to mean permissive parenting. Permissive parenting is VERY different to gentle parenting.

Also OP this is very much not normal IME (2 sons in primary school, many a disco!)

School discos are not the place to see good behaviour!

Not all dc have respect and self confidence via gentle parenting. Not all dc are responsive. Also the 70s was pretty easy going parenting! Punishment by force not used in state schools I knew. Teachers were not stooping to this.

Like puppies

https://parents.highlights.com/6-reasons-roughhousing-good-children

there are so many studies on the benefits of roughhousing it’s insane to narrow down one “best”.
But yes it’s developmentally important.
A pool party with pool noodles and balls would be a much better idea than a “disco” for 7yr old boys.

I’ve attend numerous primary school disco and not witnessed anything like this.

And I guess our parenting style is “gentle” in so far as it is based on consideration of the child’s needs and feelings but we absolutely expect our children to model that consideration to others. Thry are absolutely not children who would push fight and spit at a school disco.

Please stop repeating this sexist nonsense!! I've raised 3 boys who never felt the need for shoving /wresting /fighting! All 3 have developed into emotionally intelligent, gentle, kind guys. And as someone who has worked in schools for years I notice that aggressive behaviour, or the habit of forcing unwanted physical contact onto other children, does not do any kids any favours.

You might want to read the comment by @arethereanyleftatall who has 20 years teaching experience. Kind of contradicts what you say. I think gentle parenting definitely contributes to the worsening behaviour.

Gentle parenting requires very active parenting. It means being involved and knowing what is going on with your children so that you can help them understand their mistakes and help them face the natural consequences of their choices. It is wildly different than permissive parenting. If done properly, it is much more work than authoritarian parenting. Gentle parenting can raise empathetic, confident adults

your description does not sound anything like my DD’s primary school, but she is about a decade ahead. Her cohort went through the normal rough blip during ages 11-13 when the boys especially do tend to go off the rails a bit, but they recovered once they got used to their new hormones.

I volunteer at our school disco. Lovely school. Lovely children. Great area. Excellent ofsted report. The kids turn into demons at the discos. Particularly the boys. They run around so fast it's like being in a large Hadron Partical Colider. They wrestle, roll around the floor, try to climb onto furniture. It's bedlam.

What utter horseshit. Boys who are kind, sensitive, gentle and respectful will grow up to be nonces? Bollocks.

You can be all those things and engage in rough and tumble.

I don't know whether this is 'gentle parenting' or not, but I definitely supervise my children closely when out and about, remind them of their manners and ensure that they are considerate of others. If they need reminding I do so and pull them aside discreetly. You can actively parent in a quiet way. Or as I like to call it, just 'parenting'. What amazes me is just how many parents pay so little attention to what their kids are up to.