Surely every school isn't like this?

[SchoolIssues25]

I supervised a school disco as a favour at my 7 year old child's school. The school does have issues although has a good ofsted. Ideally I would like to move him but he's happy there.
I was shocked when supervising. I know kids aren't perfect as they're kids but ffs. Kids were pushing, spitting, one lad lay on top of another so he went red and had to be pulled off more or less. The kids were so rough. I was shocked. Surely this isn't normal ?

I never said there weren’t child free people on here, I said the majority of people on here will have children, because in real
life the majority of woman are mothers.

I agree with above, that's absolutely "Gentle Parenting".

AND the entitled attitude of the parents. When you see comments about a specific school, or even on forum like this one, where parents have no respect for schools and teachers, wouldn't lift a finger to help, but have an awful amount of time to find offense in everything and complain non-stop.

that's what you get.

It is honestly better when you have a firm headteacher who doesn't take nonsense from the parents and who is stricter with the kids. It makes it safer and more pleasant for every child, instead of a few bullies who are creating an awful environment for everyone else.

Even if we excuse the rough and tumble play (I’m not saying we should) the spitting is disgusting and can’t be excused by that argument.

Parents should have been called to pick up the offending kids and take them home early rather than letting them ruin it for everyone else.

Yes and? Are we to poll everyone on MN as to their parental status and equivalent take on gentle parenting to see the statistical trend? Nope. So I will just keep on with my opinion that most people who bang on about the horrors of gentle parenting are not parents.

It's nothing like that at my DC's school but your post and the replies make me realise it's not the norm and appreciate it all the more.

and? And I think that it’s nonsense to assume that most people who comment to say that gentle parenting isn’t great, don’t have children. Why the heck would you think that…

Yeah. But not at the school disco

Do you mean actual spitting / did you see it or did one of the children just tell you X spat? I'm a TA and some children say another child spat on them when really its that the child clearly had a bit too much saliva in their mouth and 'spat' accidentally when talking. Also, were there any teachers supervising, cos kids will play up more in that environment when they don't know the people supervising and think they can get away with stuff. Also, if there were teachers / TAs, were they able to properly supervise or did they have to do other tasks as well (eg deal with normal school business, organise the food and drink / work the music system cos the parent supervisors weren't able to do those tasks?

Basically, the school disco is not representative of normal behaviour at school and no, school isn't always like that.

That's bollocks then.

Replies saying 'kids always go nuts at a disco' - yes, there's running around madly/shouting; and there's pushing (an act of violence) and spitting (also a type of assault if you did it at someone in the street). Kids who are doing this at a disco should be taken home immediately and given a stern talking to. I doubt they are though.

Also, I think a lot of parents have no idea what the discos at school are like.

Our school is in a nice area, good school, good Ofsted etc etc. kids on the whole are great kids.

But the disco sends them into a frenzy! There are some teachers and maybe 10-12 parents there….. all the other parents are likely oblivious to the absolute chaos inside!

And I’m not condoning fighting and spitting at all, far from it. But I suspect most parents are unaware when it happens unless it involves their kids and they’ve had the phone calls.

Kids go nuts at school discos.
Even ordinarily well behaved ones, however they've been parented!
Hyped up with their friends makes children behave completely differently.

It is hard if, say, it's a PTA event run and mostly manned by parents.
At school kids have strict boundaries, they know where they stand. All of a sudden it's different adults in charge, sugary snacks provided, a party vibe and a DJ egging things on.
Kids push boundaries when they are not sure where the boundaries lie.

Our school requests that at least two members of staff are present for crowd control if things get out of hand and first aid. Ideally though it's a supporting role with PTA members doing most of supervising.

We don't get paid overtime and know it'll be a lie down in a dark room with a couple of paracetamol as a reward afterwards!

Would you be ok with all of this behaviour?

As much as I think gentle parenting is a load of nonsense, I don’t think this sort of behaviour is the result of it. I used to live somewhere that you'd very often see children screamed and shouted at and sometimes smacked. Shockingly this did not seem to produce the perfectly behaved children that apparently could be expected according to this thread.

There are many ways to define bad parenting. What gets to the core of the issue for me is how clear or unclear parents are about what they will and will not tolerate. On that basis, the boys the OP describes are either the victims of parents who haven't thought clearly about the boundaries they will set for their own child (so effectively there are no boundaries) or the parents have set boundaries that the boys have ignored. Either way, parents need to know from school about spitting and hitting, as they would for this behaviour in formal school time.

DD came home from a Y6 residential relating the tale of a pupil who lay down in the middle of a pedestrian crossing in a national park village and refused the teachers' repeated urging to stand up and walk back to the pavement. Eventually, two teachers had to carry him to the pavement. When phoned to collect their son and take him home, the parents thought it quite unreasonable that they should do so. Years ago, I did a PGCE which taught me that teaching wasn't for me because I didn't want to spend my working hours on crowd control. Now, the behaviour of some parents would be at the top of my list for not going into teaching.

That’s such rubbish 🤣 gentle parenting doesn’t mean no discipline.

The kids hurting each other are more likely to have abusive parents actually.

quite the opposite

Childfree people might have theories about gentle parenting, but actual parents have to deal with the effects! As a parent, you are put in environments typically child-friendly, and you find the little darlings in the same classrooms as your own kids, in softplays, holidays, everywhere.

Not only that, but you can also see first hand that it's perfectly possible to say "no" to your own children without anyone being traumatised.

It's very true that everyone is a perfect parent until they have children, but it's also true that you can see first hand how far a bit of discipline can go

Teacher here. It doesn’t sound normal for a disco that I attend, because I have strong boundaries and don’t allow it. I manage to do that in a way that is fun, engaging and therefore probably ‘gentle’. I’m one of these aforementioned people that don’t have children, but I don’t bitch about ‘gentle parenting’. I agree with a lot of the principles and I think my teaching style has definitely become more ‘gentle’ over the years as I’ve become more skilled in my profession. ‘Gentle’ done correctly requires lots of presence, energy, and firm boundaries.

Whatever the reason, we have definitely seen a huge change in behaviour in schools, particularly since covid. I believe the cause is more screen time, less face to face social engagement, less structure, less expectations, and less boundaries. Children often have every need and whim met immediately now, which is not conducive to being in a class of 30; nor being expected to be considerate of everyone else in the room. It’s interesting because the challenges are present, albeit in slightly different ways, in lots of children with lots of different social and cultural backgrounds.

I’m generalising here as well, but I’m seeing that younger, less experienced teachers that are coming up are particularly struggling with behaviour in ways that new teachers never did previously. They are much more permissive of antisocial behaviours and don’t seem to develop the same presence and strategies that older generations of teachers have. Their classes can quickly get out of hand it’s horrendous for everyone, these teachers seem to think its mean to enforce rules, but don’t realise all children are much happier when there are routines, structures, and boundaries.

Say what you want, but I leave the definition here:

Gentle parenting is a parenting approach that encourages a partnership between you and your child to make choices based on an internal willingness instead of external pressures. 😂

Bonus points for the lazy posters who will then exclaim that parents who don't believe in that "gentle parenting" fad can only be abusive bullies who treat their kids as robots.

Agree!

I wouldn’t be on Mumsnet i. your shoes Op

id be researching alternative schools because your son is at a crap school where the kids don’t give fig about behaving like this on school premises

what you describe… not something I have ever seen at any of my children’s schools.

Gentle Parenting:

Little Johnny squashing his friend Kyle by lying on top of him. Kyle becoming progressively redder in the face and obviously very uncomfortable.

Adult: Johnny, would you like to come over to the quiet corner so we can talk about how squashing someone might not be kind and could be making them feel a bit uncomfortable?

Johnny: Fuck off!......Miss

Adult: That's not very kind. Could you use your nice mouth words to describe how you're feeling about me asking you to come over to the quiet corner?

Johnny: No! Fuck off!

Kyle: incomprehensible sounds

Adult: Now Johnny, you know how we don't touch others if they don't want you to do that, please come off Kyle and we'll play a nice game.

Johnny: headbutts Kyle who immediately starts with a nosebleed.

Adult: Johnny, poor Kyle is bleeding now. I really think things have gone too far, please stand up and let me help Kyle.

Johnny: Obviously traumatised because his game has been thwarted and is feeling rejected because Kyle is now receiving attention instead of him 🙄

Not Gentle Parenting:

Kyle's dad walks in, firmly removes Johnny from Kyle, "touch him again and you'll have me to deal with you little blighter!"

Johnny: Shocked, doesn't go near Kyle again.

Read up a bit on gentle parenting before making assumptions

it's more a testimonial than an assumption, it's quite accurate 😂