Surely every school isn't like this?

[SchoolIssues25]

I supervised a school disco as a favour at my 7 year old child's school. The school does have issues although has a good ofsted. Ideally I would like to move him but he's happy there.
I was shocked when supervising. I know kids aren't perfect as they're kids but ffs. Kids were pushing, spitting, one lad lay on top of another so he went red and had to be pulled off more or less. The kids were so rough. I was shocked. Surely this isn't normal ?

No part of it is accurate.

that's exactly what I had the misfortune to experience or witness far too often.

That, and a parent lecturing about "gentle parenting" smugly smiling at little Jimmy very busy destroying the place and being a menace to children around him.

I can’t pass comment about how children are parented as I’m not in their homes, but I can tell you that behaviour has taken a nosedive in my 17 years teaching experience.

Why do you think that is?

The issue here is possibly because school discos are PTFA events and there were not enough school staff present. Whilst I'd quickly wade in and sort out unruly behaviour as a teacher, I would not do so as a parent at a school. I would not expect parents to manage behaviour and it would not be appropriate for them to do so. This is the big issue with school events.

At my old school, we insisted parents attend with their children, with a ratio of 1 adult to 4 children (so one parents with child and a few friends or similar). This worked really well; more adults to supervise and more money raised from selling adults alcohol. Sadly, it would seem this particular disco had insufficient school staff on site to tell these boys to stop.

Oh lordy, school discos don't really work at this age, the children don't actually want to dance , as you have observed. So the options are a party games type set up with a couple of best dancer competitions or an hour of over stimulated, sweaty feral children. Worse if it's fancy dress and they are all wearing tight fitting polyester and they over heat.

It's interesting that you say this, because of something that happened in my extended family. Do you think it can lead to a boy becoming a physical abuser rather than a sexual abuser?

I was someone who was very anti gentle parenting and the reason is down to a single family member. When I was pregnant she had a shall we say strong willed 3 year old. One example of many is below

3 year old throw a cup of juice at mum and scream hysterically

Mum " what's wrong? What's wrong? Are you OK? " in a panicked voice

3 yo: "I wanted the blue straw"

Mum: "OK, OK, I get it for you now" - runs off and get a new drink with straw. "Are you OK to eat now?"

3 yo: instantly calms and eats his lunch.

Mum to us" he's a bit tired" 🙄

I have now had to completly distance myself as their son is a bully who targets my son so we have to avoid alot of family stuff if they are there. They have now realised that their approach is not ideal and tried to enforce boundaries but he is 9.

I avoided gentle parenting like the fucking plague. But when I looked into it a few years later I realised alot of the concepts I do naturally and its just terminology. Punishment is taboo but natural consequence is OK. In my head the "punishment " in this case would be losing any straw which is also a natural consequence.

In short gentle parenting done well works on the majority of kids. The real little shits I see in the around are actually not parented at all.

@mugglewump I agree that’s an issue. Parents just don’t have authority.

@ChompandaGrazia Schools see parents though. As a teacher you meet parents. Aren’t the parents called in if dc behave badly? They are here if the dc is heading towards exclusion.

But they do? because they are adults?

I’d have a queue out the door if I called in every parent of a badly behaved child.
And yes I see the parenting that happens in the 30 seconds when they pick them up but nothing more than that.

I don’t have children head towards exclusion but I honestly don’t know you’d have to do to get that.

Yeah that’s absolutely not a GP way of dealing with that situation. GP absolutely advocates intervening physically when someone is at risk of being hurt. That is just bad parenting. GP way of handling it would be completely different. Amusing though!

Its not rubbish. Its a lack of discipline and boundaries from parents.

Blimey no not normal at my DDs school, although behaviour is generally worse than it was when I was at school in the 80s/90s

@ChompandaGrazia How long have you been teaching? Of course primary DCs are excluded!

Plenty long enough thanks. Yes I know they are excluded but I’ve known children physically attack teachers and not be excluded. It’s a lengthy and difficult process and schools don’t like to do it.

Brilliant!!

Absolutely spot on as well! 😂

Gentle parenting is not that though.

On what planet @Caffeineneedednow is that “gentle parenting”? And not just a lazy assed appalling parent who couldn’t be bothered to talk to her child, and actually bitterly failing said child by setting them up for a life of poor relationships and unpopular

I think one thing that gentle parenting fails at is teaching children the natural consequences and normal human reactions to unpleasant behaviour. No one except for a parent or a very patient teacher is going to sit down and explain to them about wrong choices. It is a fake response to someone being foul or violent, so it is confusing. I also think it creates an impression that the rest of world will always be happy and willing to accommodate their needs over others and that might foster a rather entitled attitude.

To be honest, I think both sides of this debate on here at the moment are a bit mad.

Gentle parenting is purportedly having firm boundaries whilst also recognising that some things are hard for children and being empathetic about that. I’ve no problem with that in theory but the problem is it doesn’t really work. A toddler screaming in frustration because they want to walk and you’ve put them in the pushchair isn’t going to be placated by a firm but kind explanation that it’s for their safety; it’s just a performance thing for the adult.

But on the other hand, anyone who thinks that parenting with an aggressive and draconian way as I’ve often seen advocated on these threads is a sandwich short of a picnic. Not sure what it is about badly behaved children that seems to invite people who want the child to sort of get his comeuppance but there are some disturbed and disturbing people in the world.

This conveniently ignores the impact of massive cuts in all supportive services that have both direct and indirect impacts on children, families, schools and wider society.

As if 'gentle parenting' which is practiced by a tiny percentage of parents is responsible for the majority of behaviour issues.

Unless your school holds school discos regularly then they aren't the norm for most kids.Anything out of the norm gets them all hyped up and excited and that behaviour has a fine line. This is where it needs to be managed so lying on top of another kid is never appropriate and that's needs to be dealt with. Running around is to be expected but also manged in an enclosed space as they could hurt others.

This!

The children are very over excited, they are full of sweets/ sugary snacks and they are often past their bedtime as well.

When I was at primary school 50 years ago, we used to shout "bundle" and then all throw ourselves on top of each other on the floor. Great fun.