If I'm not acat person does that make us fundamentally incompatible.

[Icecreamstick]

Stayed over at new man's house.

He has a cat....on the bed.Tbf he did shoo it out of the room when he realised I wasn't loving the idea, but he clearly loves his cat (which is quite sweet) and I'm a bit scared of animals...

How new is this relationship?

Is it a deal breaker?

Would you expect him to get rid of the cat?
That might make your decision for you because I would def dump anyone who expected me to get rid of a pet for them!!!!

I struggle to understand how an adult can be afraid of a cat tbh.
Maybe a good time for you to overcome your fears?

You’re incompatible you don’t want his cat in his house, or if you want to live with him at some point and don’t want the cat to be there.

It would mean incompatibility for me as a cat person. My DH knew when we first started dating that I had committed to my cat before I ever met him

How can you be afraid of a cat?!

If you wouldn’t be able to live with the cat, treat it nicely and accept that it’s going to be in your life until it dies, then yes, you’re incompatible. I don’t think you need to love it, but you do need to respect the fact that he does.

Because you don't know what cats are thinking about

I have no objection to a cat in his house. I don't want it licking my face (which it hasn't, it probably got the message!) or in my bed.

I won't ever live with a man again, so that's not an issue.

If a new date didn't start to fall in love with my cat within the first few visits, they (the date) would be gone I'm afraid.

They've got claws and teeth and germs

If you aren’t ever going to live together it’s a non issue. Why are you scared of it?

I do respect that, it's actually lovely to see him loving the cat, and it was me who suggested we go to his because he was concerned cat had been on its own all day. I just don't want to too close to me.

I can sort of see being afraid of a cat - when I was a student I rented a house where the landlords asked us to look after their cat for a few weeks while they sorted out their next house. I'd never had a pet before and it was not scary as such, but a bit weird to have a non-human creature just wandering round the place looking at you all the time. However, I got used to it pretty quickly and it's possible you will too, OP. I later happily catsat for people in their houses, and would even consider getting a cat myself. As long as the new bf doesn't expect you to accept it on the bed.

If you do not plan to live together and have no objection to the cat in his house then it may not be a dealbreaker.

However, beware that he may not always shoo the cat out of the bedroom as your relationship goes on.

I have never known a cat that licks faces to be honest.

One of our cats sleeps in our bed most nights and is a proper loving lapcat but has never licked anyone's face. If you are going to spend any significant time round there you'd need to accept the sleeping habits (trying to shut one out of a bedroom when they are used to sleeping on the bed is almost certainly a non-starter).

My DH is allergic to cats.When we met my cat had died, but I had to seriously consider going forward with our relationship as it might mean never having a cat again. Ot dod mean that. 25 years later we got a dog He was worth it. You'll need to ask your boyfriend if you are worth it? :)

Oh OP you poor thing. Little do you know you will soon be the latest slave to this Kitty and spend your spare pennies on bumper packs of dreamies to please the feline overlord.

My now husband wasn't a cat person when we first met - it was an adjustment process for all of us. He ended up loving the cat....

It’s dogs that lick faces. I can’t imagine not letting my cat sleep on my bed, but I suppose he might agree to shut her / him out sometimes.

Cat hairs get everywhere though.

Apparently this one likes to wake him up by licking his ears?

The cat will have already cottoned on about your face-licking fear. Facial exfoliation is surely coming your way. 🐱

So you're scared of all animals then....?

Honestly, if you really like this guy, keep at it. Take time to get to know the cat, and for it to get to know you: they are amazing creatures and (mostly) have great quirky personalities. But cats will cat so go with the flow. Give it a brush and a few dreamies and don’t worry over much.

that’s not how things work!

Pretty much. My mum is terrified of everything from small rodents to farm animals, and whilst I'm not quite as bad, it's definitely rubbed off. I'm not at all comfortable around animals and never had the opportunity to experience being around them as a child.

If I met someone who wouldn't even give my (amazing, beautiful, magnificent cat) the time of day they'd be gone! Sorry OP! The cat comes first! 😆

Although I'm a mad animal lover who loves absolutely every type of creature there is (apart from jellyfish, wasps, hornets and squid), I can sort of understand your fears if you've been raised in a home where you weren't really exposed to animals and your mum was so negative about them.

Take time to get to know the cat (it probably isn't too sure about you either) and you may find that you might bond if you try and go into it with an open mind.
Of all of the cats I've had (and the boy I still have), they're actually not really interested in anyone else apart from me and usually like to sit away somewhere quiet - although I totally agree that it will be a problem if the cat is banned from a bedroom where it's used to having access - we tried it once and learnt that cats can be LOUD and incredibly dramatic with it - often as you're in the deepest part of your sleep cycle.

My husband was raised in a strictly no animal household and I was horrified when his mother once crowed "Oh we all hate animals!" - since then, we've literally had a zoo and my husband is as mad about animals as I am and completely dotes on the dogs especially and even his animal-hating mum, now loves animals once she began to understand them.