If I'm not acat person does that make us fundamentally incompatible.

[Icecreamstick]

Stayed over at new man's house.

He has a cat....on the bed.Tbf he did shoo it out of the room when he realised I wasn't loving the idea, but he clearly loves his cat (which is quite sweet) and I'm a bit scared of animals...

My H when I first met him had never had a pet and it took him some time to get used to her, but now he's smitten and well and truly under the paw. If he had ever hinted at me getting rid of my cat he would have been dispatched with immediately.😹

OP we've had lots of cats, not all at the same time. I've never known a cat to lick someone's face!!! Maybe your arm very occasionally or your hand if they really like you, but not your face.
Cats aren't overbearing like dogs in that respect 🙂

You’d hate me then. Can’t stand to be in the same room as them.

I'm so allergic to cats, so if I met someone who had one, I wouldn't even be able to spend any length of time at their house, not talk of move in together and have a long term thing, so it couldn't be for me. Unless he was absolutely amazing in every other way and was happy to only see me away from his house and not live together until the cat died (and then never have another cat) which seems a bit ridiculous doesn't it.

I couldn't be with someone who's not an animal person (especially cats).

This cat sounds adorable

That’s such a shame for you, OP.

But there’s an enormous difference between the cat licking her human’s ears & licking someone she’s barely met.

I have had pets but they are not allowed on my bed ever.

Also agree cats just do not tend to lick and are less likely to get in your face which is the main reason I prefer them to dogs.

Very few cats lick people.

they also mostly know the difference between people.

i have three cats. They’ll let me groom them, give them Medicine, etc and on occasion they try to groom me (they lick my skin after I get out of the bath sometimes).

they absolutely know the difference between me and any other human on the planet and don’t trust any of those other buggers. Zero chance they’d try licking anyone else. It’s a social grooming behaviour in cats that is only done between cats that know and like each other.

It takes two-to-tango 😊 If your new partner accepts that you prefer to not interact with his cat at all and especially not in bed, and you accept that he loves that cat and keeps it in his house but you appreciate he doesn't let it in the bedroom, then you are two compatible and wise adults 💝

DH was more of a dog person but always knew my cats came with me as a package. He ended up having a real bromance with my big tabby cat. It was so funny 😻

My miniature panther, Eavie, definitely likes to exfoliate my face. She's very attached to me but also exfoliates my DP's face although she worked up to it over a couple of years.
I love to see a man who cares for animals and OPs new man clearly does.
Wise words from @Sennelier1 above but I'd have an open mind about the cat and see what develops. You may be surprised.

DH had never had a cat or had any interest in any sort of animal when we met. He's always known that cats are a non-negotiable for me though, so he has tolerated them over the years. We don't ever have them in our bedroom overnight. He was fine with them as long as he didn't have to get involved.
UNTIL the latest cat arrived (we've been together 25 years at this point), made a beeline for him and they are now a totally loved-up duo. He's finally realised why I have always had cats! it's so very very cute to watch them together.

It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, and much easier if you don't plan to live together anyway, but if someone is a cat person, that's a part of their soul and it's not something that would ever change.

I'm a crazy cat lady. I don't mind other people who don't love cats but they have to at least like and respect them to be welcome in my house.

My husband wasn't a cat person. And he's still not. However, he makes an exception for our cat, whom he grew to love and whom he now adores and spoils. Lots of people are scared of cats as they think that they all scratch and bite. Some might on occasion but the vast majority don't. Give it time.

He sounds really sweet and kind.
my kids dad literally left my cat to die on the hall floor infront of my children because “I’m not paying for a vet”
id stick with your cat man x

I had a colleague who was not keen on cats, said they are mini lions. 😅

Both my partner and I had a cat when we met but I still don't like the cat in our bed.

Yup you are incompatable.

We love that they are mini-lions!

Cats come first. Thems the rules. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like my fur family.

Food it's usually food

Take heart. I have always excluded cats from my bedroom and it's perfectly easy to do so even if they've always been there - if he will agree. When I met dp he had at least 2 cats sleeping on him most nights and coincidentally complained of really poor sleep 🙄I have a cat for my son's sake, we rub along fine but I am not the cat's slave nor am I its greatest fan. Oversentimentality around animals drives me mad.

We're now usually cat free at night and I don't see any reason why that would make me some kind of monster. Dp will negotiate because ultimately he cares more about sex than cats, just I'd give the situation a chance.

That’s my dad with mine
“I’m not a cat person” he says in the same breath as “now where’s the fat tummy furball?”

he was a bit nervous around cats and said he prefers dogs as less sharp bits but it helps mine is just a soft lump

Am I the only one feeling sorry for the cat who has been stuck at home alone all day and then being shooed off the bed when he probably just wants some attention? Poor cat!

This is never going to work if you don’t like cats. My cat would always come first.

Was there any time when you thought this was a disproportionate reaction to an animal at all? Maybe a time when you wanted to do something and she stopped you purely because she was scared there'd be an animal? Maybe stop you watching The Lady and the Tramp because of those horrible cats and dogs and the terror of a rat? Or did she knowingly teach you that all animals are terrifying monsters that you should run away from because they'll kill/eat/maim/infect you with a terrible disease?

Statistically, you're at far more risk from the human whose flat you're entering than his pet - both of catching something (from the common cold to an STD) and of being hurt (from accidentally tripping over his shoes to being assaulted).

The cat, however, is most at risk from the humans inside and humans in cars outside.

It's a wonderful thing that some species decided that humans were vaguely good to be around - and cats in particular invited themselves in, made themselves useful and then decided to stop changing pretty much as soon as they'd got the best spot on the Ancient History sofa. Other than a few variations made by humans over the last few hundred years, cats haven't needed to change to get along with us at all. They're perfect as they are - and to remain unchanged for thousands of years suggests that they aren't anything to be scared of, doesn't it?

It would be a dealbreaker for me if someone wasn’t into cats. I once called a date off when I found out the person was allergic to them. It would’ve just be a non starter for me.