Domestic abuse. Trapped abroad.

[Stuckinanight]

Trapped abroad with years of domestic abuse. Some appalling, I have evidence. Husband has also gone for DC. Makes terrifying threats of what will happen if we leave, yet torments us when we are here.

In Europe. Also financial abuse so it will be difficult to go anywhere in the current country.

How do I leave? Can I get back to the uk or will I be stuck in a custody battle? Husband tells appalling lies.

So sorry to hear this.

Are you a U.K. national and do your children have dual nationality with U.K. and the country you live in?

do you come back for family visits or holidays ever or could you?

Just reread your post. When you say your husband has “ gone for” your DC, do you mean gone for custody? Or do you mean he attacked them?

You need legal advice in the country you are in. Only then will you know if there is any chance you and the DC can return to the UK.

Please go to the police in the country you are in. Domestic abuse is illegal no matter where you are. Can you contact the British Embassy in your country for help and support? Do you have family in the UK who can help you?

I would recommend getting in touch with the local embassy about getting support. It might also be worth contacting the police in the UK in the area you live, or hope to live as actually they can be really helpful in getting you and children out.

while it’s scary, the damage he can do, even emotionally, is far worse than making that phone call.

Are you able to share which country you are in, OP?

Yes and yes.

Been abusive.

Says he will get custody and I can leave. Is an abusive drunk so it would be a disaster.

If you come back for holidays could that be the opportunity to escape? If you ha e a friend or relative, could they contact a refuge and help establish an escape plan for you ?

This happened to me 6 years ago, Italy. Local police useless they were all his friends. I went to a solicitor in another town. Got an order that allowed us to stay in UK for a few months. Flew back on a short holiday = never returned to him.

6 years later
9k of court and barrister fees
But
We are safe.

I suggest you do same, also, contact a solicitor in UK
Call womens aid too.

Taking the children on holiday and not returning them is a very bad idea. You're pretty much guaranteed to lose custody of your kids if you do that.

I said zsolocitor drew up a document which gave us permission to live in UK for 12 months which he signed as a trial. He did, we left,
We are now safe. It's the only way we could get away.

Well there's a post above where someone did exactly that.

It all depends on the country in any case. Given this is a DA situation and also abuse against one of the children, I don't think it would be guaranteed that she'd lose custody. In any case that's why I think she needs a friend or relative to contact somewhere to get the proper advice

The person above seems to have got permission to bring the kids to the UK for long enough for them to become habitually resident. That's not at all the same thing as not returning from a holiday.

You mean the person that got an order that allowed it? It’s different.

If you just flea your resident county with the children it can be seen as abduction

Ok. Take your point.
Are there any other things then that you could suggest.

Could you share which country, and maybe people can help provide resources?

However, there are a few sources of help to recommend without this info

The European Commission established a common EU-wide harmonised number for helplines for victims of violence against women – 116 016. This goes to helplines locally.

This list may also help with resources where you are:
wave-network.org/wp-content/uploads/WAVE-list-of-heplines.pdf

There was a very long and detailed thread on here a while ago about a mum in Australia or New Zealand that wanted to leave her husband and come back to uk. I’ll try to have a look for it.

Main points posters made were to kick off the whole process in that country eg police, solicitor, rent own property. With a longer term view to come back to uk with either permission of the court OR ex husband. One of the other is required.

Or to stay with abusive husband but convince him that they should move back to uk as a family. And then once relocated in uk, leave him once you’re safely back here.

Try contacting Women’s aid. They may know who an equivalent organisation is in the country you are in.

@Stuckinanight Have a look for Facebook groups for English speaking expat women/mothers in the country where you are living. Join them and post anonymously asking for advice.

If by any chance you're in France you can PM me and I'll point you in the direction of some helpful groups/resources.

Hi @Stuckinanight first big hand hold. Been in a similar situation and now back in UK.

First you need to build up yourself. Unfortunately as other posters have said you cannot just leave with the kids you need permission of the other parent or a court order. So park that idea for now.

What support do you have where you are. Friends, kids school etc. my hairdresser was one of the first I opened up to! Can you start talking to people there for at least moral support?

Contact a solicitor both in uk and where you are. Start a small emergency savings if you can. Do you work? Could you start a job even if it doesn’t pay much just to start saving?

Keep all of this secret/hidden from your partner and those who are his friends. Get copies of all documents and send to a friend or family in uk to keep safe both electronic and hard copies if you can.

Remember each small step forward is progress. It might take time but all worth while journeys do.

Stay strong my lovely and good luck. You have already started the process posting on here.

Just one possible will dc go to uni in uk? If they might they need to be resident for 3 years before in UK. Could this be something to persuade partner to move back?

Are the kids of an age where they would have a say in where they live? Do you have sufficient proof to report your husband to the police, what would the likely sentence be? If you could, it would help if you said which country you are in as even within the EU there is a big difference on how they handle issues like these.

I do. I made one report and retracted under massive coercion. I do have evidence.

DC primary. Husband has been vile to them, but is now in full Disney Dad mode.

Germany

Can you go back and un-retract it?

Would he even have to know?

In France they have a system where you can make complaints to the police without them doing anything about it, just to have the evidence on file. This can actually be used by abusers against their victims. I know a woman who, at the moment her marriage broke down, discovered that her husband had been making regular allegations against her for years and the police had a record of it all. But anyway...do you know if such a system exists in Germany?