Domestic abuse. Trapped abroad.

[Stuckinanight]

Trapped abroad with years of domestic abuse. Some appalling, I have evidence. Husband has also gone for DC. Makes terrifying threats of what will happen if we leave, yet torments us when we are here.

In Europe. Also financial abuse so it will be difficult to go anywhere in the current country.

How do I leave? Can I get back to the uk or will I be stuck in a custody battle? Husband tells appalling lies.

Have a look at the violence assistance act, this is specific to Germany and helps provide assistance and advice to victims of domestic abuse.
they might be able to get you out of the home and safe. Then you can start to work out how to get back to the UK.

I would definitely then report his abuse towards you and the children again and then divorce. If he gets a custodial sentence it can buy a bit more time to sort everything out and you are much more likely to be allowed to take the children back to the UK if you can show that he is a completely unfit parent.

Call Hilfetelefon Gewalt gegen Frauen on +49 80001160116, and they should be able to advise. There is also 08000 116 016

There is also http://www.hilfetelefon.de/ (open 24 hours, has English language coverage if your German isn't there). Theybiffer 24/7 free help, advice ans counselling (might be easier to access than a phone line)

Thank you. I will try to find out. He promised to change completely. Made hideous threats of what would happen and how he would ensure DC and I were on the streets if it wasn’t retracted.

Terrified of making it again and him finding out. It would probably be another campaign of punishment.

Now he uses the retraction against me.

Here is a good overview of resources, what to do etc in Germany (have switched to the English version)

https://www.hilfe-info.de/Webs/hilfeinfo/EN/Leaflets/21-merkblatt_haeuslichegewalt.html#:~:text=The%20nationwide%20distress%20helpline%20for,confidential%20support%20free%20of%20charge.

Do you have money to get you and DC back to the UK? Is there any way you could sneak off while he's out or asleep and take DC with you?

He has been so appalling he is potentially looking at prison for his abuse of me.

I don’t want to inadvertently break the law trying to escape. I also want DC to have a clear path and minimize disruption.

Terrible advice

Getting herself and her children back to safety is "bad advice"??

And then what do you think would happen after she kidnaps the children??

Once you get back to the UK, you can seek legal help. I've been in a very similar situation as you. Men like this very rarely follow out their custody threats, they say it to keep you there. But right now you need to concentrate on getting your children to safety.

I've been in a very similar situation as OP. 3 years on, nothing has happened. The time limit for that has passed.

If the kids have spent the majority of their life’s in Germany, OP taking them back to the UK without dad’s permission would be kidnapping under The Hague convention. The police would be legally bound to remove the kids from her and return them to him in Germany

I've been in a very similar situation to OP, in a country that falls under the Hague Convention. So I am very familiar with it. I brought my DCs back to the UK. Nothing happened. The father has a set time limit to do this, and if the OP can prove that the children have become settled in their new environment, the time limit will be even shorter.

While not in abusive marriage, my marriage ended overseas with 2 kids, I got stuck here due to Hague convention. You can fight this, collect all evidence and get a lawyer. Reach out to Expat Stuck Parents, they can support you and even help financially with legal fees.

Very sorry that you are in this situation. Is your husband German and do you speak fluent enough German?
Do you have family in UK who know what's happening and are willing and able to help you?
Think these factors will determine the advice you need.

Armed Forces?

Yes she could lose full custody of her children. There is The Hague agreement where abducted children get sent back to the country they fled and courts can favour the other parent for custody.

It is when it's considered child abduction, yes.

She needs to do things legally.

You were lucky.

If your husband had chosen to pursue it you would have been forced to return your children to their country of residence and he probably would have been granted full custody.

See my other posts please

They usually don't pursue it. Not once they realise how much it will cost to pursue a child custody case in a different jurisdiction. Also the OP can have better access to legal advice and support once she's in the UK.

I would go back to the police and tell them what you have told us here.

Tell them he coerced you into retracting your original statement and has continued to abuse you and your children since.

Tell them you are frightened of him.

The advice once she's in the UK will be that she has abducted her children.

You are encouraging her to be incredibly reckless.

Not armed forces.

Yes family aware.

Seeing lawyer next week.

Husband kicked off again this weekend. We are safe as we are not alone this weekend. He still kicks off and lies - it seems more than abuse, as he has no reality when raging (not just my view, witnessed by others).

Thank you again for the advice. It is so difficult when abroad with an abusive husband that wants custody. I am really in fear of him charming the courts (he isn’t ex police, but similar) then harming DC either in a temper or psychologically.