Domestic abuse. Trapped abroad.

[Stuckinanight]

Trapped abroad with years of domestic abuse. Some appalling, I have evidence. Husband has also gone for DC. Makes terrifying threats of what will happen if we leave, yet torments us when we are here.

In Europe. Also financial abuse so it will be difficult to go anywhere in the current country.

How do I leave? Can I get back to the uk or will I be stuck in a custody battle? Husband tells appalling lies.

That's not the advice I had when I came back. Everyone said to me I'd done the right thing.

Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting that OP is doing the wrong thing. I understand how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship.

The OP has said that her husband wants custody, so it seems highly likely that he will pursue her.

If she abducts their children and brings them to the UK and he makes an application under the Hague convention to have them returned to him, he will have the law on his side and she won't.

I will.

I think he would pursue me to a frightening level and be extremely dishonest in the process. He has said he would want to destroy me and our old home if I left.

It's possible he might, however from experience and through supporting others in DA situations they rarely do, its an empty threat which they use as a control tactic to keep the mother there.

I also think this is possible given how hideous he is to his family. But he can be weirdly (not in a nice or healthy way) possessive of DC. In between explosions.

And yet women have lost their children doing exactly this.

Get as much evidence as you can. Record it if you are able.

You say he could go to jail for what he has done to you.

What do you mean by this? Is there a current police investigation into his crimes? Or do you just mean that if they knew about what he has done he could go to jail?

Would be interesting to see the stats specifically on Hague convention cases and how many of those were related to DA. There doesn't seem to be too much information online.

Yes, they often can be. Fortunately my with my ex it was a case of "out of sight, out of mind" I still get the odd message from him (or he gets one of his family members to do it) but other than that, nothing. I just ignore the messages.

Maybe post in the Legal section OP?

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Talk to the German DA organisations mentioned above. They will be able to help you navigate and also help you work through the system. What did or didn’t happen to one poster above is of little use. Find out what is available to support you. Social services systems are better funded and more joined up than in the UK. More help/support can be ‘prescribed’ under health than here.

Thank you. Will do after a bit of rest. Absolutely wiped out by it and trying to build up strength for whatever he comes up with next.

Is dad German?. My cousins were born in Belfast. When they were little their dad took them to his own country and refused to come back. He got sole custody for years. He eventually brought them home. Because of his country’s rules mum had no rights. Could maybe be the same thing

Do you have yours and the children's passports? Can you give them to someone trusted for safe keeping so that he can't take them?
Do you have anyone in the UK or Germany who could send you some money and book you flights and help you get out?

Be mindful if you report to the police the abuse is likely to escalate so you want to make sure youve got a plan if that's the route you decide to take.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Please do NOT return home without a legal order permitting you to do so. You could end up being jailed for abduction. (It’s happened to women too much, all over the world).

Report him to the police, as others have said.

And take a look at GlobalArrk who are an amazing group who have much experience in this situation. They have links to support, advice and more.
https://www.globalarrk.org

Is there anywhere local you can escape to for now? Please be safe.

@Christmas202 Yes. Some of the laws here are surprising.

If I filed everything. I stupidly retracted the police report under some horrible coercion and false promises.

OK well obviously it would be really helpful to you if he did go to jail.

Or if you were in a position to tell him you won't press charges if he signs a document saying you can take the kids to live in the UK.

But you do need to go to the police.

Is there any way you can find somewhere else safe to live without leaving Germany for the time being?

It sounds like you have witnesses to his abuse?

I would go to the police and give them all the evidence and a full list of times he has abused you and the children.

explain why you retracted your statement but make sure you don’t do that again. He needs to be bought to justice. Local DA organisations could help with this and in turn allow you to escape him

Once we were in UK and the agreement expired, hecharged me through his lawyer with children abduction. I used a barrister to get a court order in place = 2 more years. He gave up fighting thd court battle due to costs.

We are safe now and I don't regret any of it.

My friend married an abusive Austrian, had two children. She never escaped from there. He died in his 40s so she was finally free.

They don’t need to spend money to pursue it. They go to their local police and say that the mother of my children has kidnapped them. Then those police contact the British police as per the obligations of Hague

https://www.hilfetelefon.de/en/das-hilfetelefon/beratung/counselling-by-telephone/