Domestic abuse. Trapped abroad.

[Stuckinanight]

Trapped abroad with years of domestic abuse. Some appalling, I have evidence. Husband has also gone for DC. Makes terrifying threats of what will happen if we leave, yet torments us when we are here.

In Europe. Also financial abuse so it will be difficult to go anywhere in the current country.

How do I leave? Can I get back to the uk or will I be stuck in a custody battle? Husband tells appalling lies.

I was going to suggest this. Record his threats. Any witnesses who have seen his behaviour,
ask them to write down an account and keep it safe for future use. Take photocopies of all documents you may need, evidence of financial dealings. Keep copies of
threatening messages. Make sure if you do leave he has no idea how to find you.

This sounds like a grim situation but you will have to plan your exit carefully. There is no magic wand for leaving an abusive man, and particularly not one who sounds unstable and obsessive when it suits.

You would be better off in the UK so I agree with others that you need to see a lawyer here. Plan your distant excute it. If he’s violent or otherwise you can call the police. You have to leave. There is no way men like this can be appeased so you just need to be smarter.

I don’t know what he told you to recant and withdraw your allegation but what you do now know is that he is going to do everything that is best for him and he is ruthless. He is your enemy and whatever story he told you it must have engaged you very emotionally. You can’t fix him or discuss it so plan a way out.

One of my sisters friends who was living in Australia and with her Dh she had 1 ds. The DH kept shouting at the DC and threatening him to the extent he went himself. He was 6 and terrified of his father who drank too much then got abusive to her and DC. As it happened one of her Aunt's died and she was very upset. She said she had to come back for funeral. DH said don't leave me with DC I'm too busy to deal with him. She brought D's back with her for funeral then told her Mum what had been happening and she never went back. They started again with just what they had with them. Her Mum helped by looking after DC after school while his Mum worked and she paid a deposit on a rented house for them and first 3 months rent. Despite all the threats from her DH she divorced him and they have lived in UK for about 8 years now. She posts him photos of his ds every year and writes a letter about his progress twice a year. Her exh seems content with this now. He has never written to his ds or exw even once.

I had a friend in a pretty desperate situation abroad. She had no money or job, an emotionally abusive husband who knew all the right people who were in positions of power. She was desperate to come home but afraid he would track her down . He kept the children’s passports under lock and key. She stayed because she felt she had no option. He would never have let her take the children. Consequently her life became one of being a prisoner essentially. Such a waste. Everyone who marries someone who lives abroad should think very very carefully before having children.

Hi @Stuckinanight again. Been thinking of you all day and wishing you strength.

I think your plan to go back to the police is good. Also some good links here to organisations that can help. Please stay strong and don’t panic. Stay calm I know it is hard don’t let on to husband what you are doing. Maybe you can’t get home yet. But you can start the process to get away from him.

You really cannot just come to the uk at this point as many posters have pointed out. But get all the help you can there.

can you see your doctor and speak to them about what is happening? Maybe even some meditation- it helped me stay calm when I needed to although I know it isn’t for everybody.

Although my ex agreed to let us leave I did have a back up plan to stay if I needed. My work had agreed to sponsor me if we divorced and they knew about his abuse. Can you build a back up plan to live separately from him in the country if you need?

stay strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even getting away from him there and living with your children separately would be better than staying in the marriage .

But do be careful and get help and support in place so you and the kids stay safe.

Sending strength and hope.