Funeral costs - do I need a reality check?

[cloudjumper]

For background - my SIL passed away a few weeks ago, and BIL is now organising her funeral. He’s told us that it will cost £6000! It’ll be a cremation.

I have never had to organise one myself, is that really what it costs to hold a funeral these days?!? If so, how can people afford this? Do you use life insurance etc? I’m just trying to get my head around this.

My mum died during the first pandemic lockdown. We weren’t allowed a funeral in a church, only a burial and that still cost 5k!

It cost about £5000 for my partners dad’s funeral (cremation). Nothing lavish- was pretty standard.

I was quoted £4,000-£5,000 for my mums funeral 5 years ago. No sibling wanted to contribute, I ended up doing a direct cremation, which cost £1,500. Siblings were very annoyed when they realised there was no service and food. I was astounded by the price and couldn't afford it. Ended up scattering her over a particular tree at the crematorium.

My Mums was £4500 in 2022 but that was everything you'd expect but not gold plated, so to speak.

The wake cost can be expensive. We had originally chosen a free location (with paid bar) but they don't do catering and that was extra work for me to arrange at a time when I was sorting everything myself anyway. So I went for taking over a whole cafe in town for the afternoon with afternoon tea (as that was just the sort of thing Mum would have loved). It cost £15 a head and I had to guess head numbers, so it wasn't cheap for 2022, but a lot of her friends came even some who had been unable to travel to the crem and it was a lovely send off for her.

A Church of England funeral service in church costs £234, but this is split between the Diocese and the PCC. The minister does not get paid. The only extras I can think of are the organist fee (c£100) and verger fee (c£25). We don't charge for slideshows, recorded music or streaming.

The service includes a least one visit to the family to organised the order of service, hymns, and the get material for the eulogy. It's really not much when you think about it. Same as a couple of floral arrangements.

I'm planning my Mum's now. So far it's at £5220, which is for a 30 minute service at the crematorium with a celebrant. This includes a hearse and a wicker casket but no family cars and I haven't organised the flowers, order of service or wake yet. She had no funeral plan, but her will states to pay it from her estate, so thankfully I don't have to cover the cost myself.

My FIL died a few years ago. He changed his funeral wishes very last minute and it ended up costing over £10k. I've no idea how they paid for it!

A friend told me her late husband’s funeral in 2022 cost £8000, crematorium followed by the wake for 70 guests at a lovely local wedding / conference venue. I forget whether it was three or four funeral cars (following the hearse from her home).

Direct cremation is my preference. If my ex and AC really want to host a party for people to eat, drink, and say, “She was lovely, your mum, didn’t see her much lately”… when I hadn’t seen any of them in the past 25 years, then they’re bigger fools than I thought.

At the other end of the scale, earlier this year I organised a direct cremation which cost £975 in total, including the undertakers liaising with the hospital and arranging collection.

It sounds very cheapskate, I know, but the relative who died wasn't at all religious, loathed funerals, and was insistent he didn't want any kind of service. We have his and his wife's ashes (she died in 2021) and at his request we'll scatter their ashes together where they spent many happy hours walking their dogs followed by a family celebration of their lives.

It's worth noting that Direct Cremation is not the only company who offer this service. They have an aggressive advertising campaign which puts them at the forefront of people's minds, but most family undertakers also offer direct cremation, often at two thirds of the base price quoted by Direct Cremation.

My husband paid 6k for the plot only in Epsom for his mother! In total the funeral cost over 20k but they went all out with limos horses huge grave stone booked a fancy venue etc, we cremated my grandmother 2 weeks ago in Ireland 900€ for cremation cheapest coffin was 1k no afters

Huh, well in this case he said there was no charge, but we were welcome to donate to church funds. Deceased was a church member. Church of Scotland if that makes a difference.

If that includes the wake it sounds about right. I am arranging a cremation at the moment for a family member and it's 4k for the funeral directors / crematorium costs / celebrant.

We paid our vicar to conduct a service at the crematorium chapel. We paid via funeral directors. Basically the norm.

Just checked out costs at our local undertakers. A short service would be around £4150, add more for a 30min service, extra order of service. Doesn't quote cost of limousine and any extra cars. On top of that there's room hire and catering as well.

"you can absolutely get away with plain and simple and nobody will judge you for it."

Not sure about that. A friend of mine has no gravestone or plaque or anything and I do think it's a great pity, particularly if it's to do with money and not that he chose that.

I would say it’s about right, I’ve only arranged one funeral which was during lockdown so couldn’t have everything you generally would ie. Cars etc

Seems about right for mid level. There are cheaper options but if you want a service with celebrant (religious or otherwise) and cremation, professional services of a funeral director (collection, storage, preparation, hearse and pall bearers on the day of cremation)plus some flowers that is the cost - the cremation is close to £1000 alone!

Mums was around £3.5k 3 years ago, but prices have probably jumped since then. That was just hearse leaving from her house to the crem (just 1.5 miles away), humanist ceremony, obviously coffin and flowers for the top of the coffin.

The wake would have been at least another couple of grand, so we just had family back to her house and picked up some afternoon tea boxes from the local bakery and that made it more special as everyone was where she lived in her space, looking at photos, or her things, remembering her instead of a random room in a hotel/above a pub.

All the little things add up - better coffin, bigger/more flowers, funeral cars, wake, ash scattering tubes, and other services that are really unnecessary so we never got them. She had a good send off because of the people who attended and the input/stories we gave to the humanist, not because of the fancy trimmings.

@CraftyGin

but the church fee (£424 here inclusive) doesn’t include professional fees of funeral directors or cremation, burial in the churchyard is £300 extra, but we only have 6 plots left!

Just organised two. One direct cremation cost £1,200 the other full funeral, flowers etc and wake has just topped £7,500. Both co-op.
All depends on what you request.

We've organised 3 funerals in the past 3 years. ILs both had funeral plans that covered the coffin and undertaker costs but not the crem fee, celebrant or flowers which were approximately £1500 with just flowers on the coffin. We didn't have cars. Then we had sandwiches etc at a local pub which was nothing fancy but another £400. Dad didn't have a plan and his must have totalled about £4800 with 1 car to take mum with me and siblings and sandwiches after.

My great aunties was £6,000 and it wasn’t a big dramatic thing as she had barely any family and no friends. My Grandma paid for it all. They had one car. No function or anything afterwards. We just went back to my Grandmas. I think a large amount of the cost came from the back my Grandma bought a grave spot which can fit two coffins in.

The headstone was a further £1,800 but it is a really nice marble one.

We had a family funeral end of last year.

Cost £4k to the undertaker (independent). That covered: cheapest coffin (which was very nice); hearse and 1 funeral car; all the crem costs (largest room in the crem); celebrant, music; multi-page, full-colour order of service (about 150 copies) and an online memorial page; dressing and viewing (but no embalming).

Additional costs: flowers (£50ish)

Buffet tea at the local pub, £12 a head for plenty of food, tea and coffee, but not including other drinks. We asked the price for similar at the local posh golf club - that would have been £70 a head.

So about £5k all in, for a quite large but not especially elaborate do.

For another family member in 2019 we did a direct cremation with Simplicity. That was £1,100 including a pacemaker removal and packaging the ashes with the necessary certificates to take them overseas.

I’d say thats about right.
But like a wedding, it can be much more!
I’m not sure about direct funerals, I have found organising the funeral fairly cathartic, but wouldn’t object if a family member wanted a no fuss cremation. It seems to be becoming more popular.

We’ve had 3 very ordinary funerals in the last 2 years (all cremations) with fairly basic things (no family cars, only 1 lot of flowers etc) and a fairly simple wake and £5-6k was the cost each time for everything.

I’d certainly budget for £10k given the way costs are rising. I want a green burial myself but even that’s not hugely cheaper.

To the people talking about having direct cremations. I just wanted to give a word of caution. My DDad was very clear that that is what he wanted, no funeral, no service at all. We went along with his wishes, but it definitely made grieving much harder and I hate to think of him there on his own at the very end, like noone cared. Funerals do serve a purpose.