What would you say to your 20 year old self?

[Prontehpronto]

Hey, with the benefit of hindsight what would you tell or advise your 20 year old self?

Don't marry him he's a twat. Just because you met at 13 doesn't mean he's the only person that's ever going to love you

• wear factor 50 sunscreen every day
• drink less (I'm not a big drinker now, but cringe at how hammered I used to get)
• don't try to please your mum, you'll never manage it
• don't lose touch with your sister (we're rebuilding our relationship now, but we've lost a lot of time)
• you're an outdoorsy, active person, so should avoid office work as it will bore you to tears

Wake up girl, you are bisexual! How many more signs are you going to ignore?

Drink less and cherish your friends, don’t priorities boyfriends over them. Be easier to live with and they won’t drop you in a year’s time because of your behaviour when drunk. You’ll never find friends like them again, ever! Nearly thirty years ago now and I still miss them.

'Don't marry him'

'Trust and prioritise yourself'

They've been married for 30-odd years....

Have the children you always wanted don’t be persuaded otherwise

make sure you earn your own money be independent

I don't think threads like this are helpful

Leave school at 16 and join the army, have a laugh, get a pension immediately and don't get married until you're at LEAST 30. Don't bother with your foo from the second you leave home.

You ARE fat, lose the weight now before you're 45 and it hurts to move. Quit uni now. You were right, you're on the wrong course and persisting until you are qualified just gets your stuck on a career path you hate for life. Go back home, you have less time with your parents than you think, moving away somewhere new doesn't bring you any adventure or happiness but it's very hard to leave once your kids are settled in school.

I agree, in the sense that I doubt very much there are any 20 year olds reading this who will take any of it as advice and change what they do.

However, it's useful to look back when you get older and to reflect on what you did and how far you have come.

If any 20 year olds are reading this the main thing to know is that life gets better. I am in my 60s and life is great. It's not because I'm a lucky person but because most people become who they really are over time and that's liberating.

In my 20s and 30s most people I knew were struggling with self confidence. Now, all the women I know are happy with their lives whether they have been conventionally successful or not. It's weird when I read what younger women on MN say about women my age. When you are young you imagine older people are miserable and regretful. It's quite the opposite.

So, what I would say to someone in their 20s is. It will get better and better. You have lots to look forward to.

@ARainyNightInSoho I would add, see life as a cycle. You may feel you just end up in the same place at each stage of the life cycles, the difference being I understood myself just a little bit more, and have become kinder to myself as a result.

To my 20 year old self - be kind to yourself, and your children will benefit.

You only have to do one thing, manage your feelings.

I’ll go a bit younger to 17.

You’re angry, sad and a bit lost right now.

It’s not your fault. It’s the narcissistic abuse. You know it’s wrong and as the scapegoat child, you fight against the unfairness you don’t even realise is happening. You don’t understand your feelings now but you will.

You want to escape but here’s the thing. Escape is by staying in school and then going to uni. You know you want to work in medicine and this is the only way you’ll achieve your dreams.

You’re stronger and more capable than you believe.

All I can really think is
Double your pension contributions
Wear factor 50

Everything else is what made me, me.

Ask yourself do I even like him? What do I want? Don’t be grateful for attention. Get the therapy now so you can live without the trauma of your childhood impacting every decision you make.

Start your pension as soon as you start work. Figure out a way to buy not rent if you possibly can.

Travel, dance, swim and be free. You are only young once. It will be over in a heartbeat. Don’t get tied down to a serious relationship when there is so much to enjoy in the world.

You are beautiful
You are free
You have the world at your feet 👣

It's not you, it's your mother.

Travel more

Go out and buy an electric toothbrush now, take proper care of your teeth and have hygienist appointments every 3 months. Save yourself from the lifelong nerve pain triggered by severe infections.

Go out with that guy and have fun but as soon as he says he doesn’t want to move in together break up. He is not going to change his mind “one day” even if he says he is, don’t wait all of your 20’s. Have as much sex as you want, you a beautiful, don’t be shy about keeping eye contact and going after men you fancy.

Don’t listen to your DM when she says you can’t manage living on your own, move out ASAP. Get into a career that pays well, because the creative job you are in never will. Sort out a pension. Travel!! Take a temp job in 2007, your future husband is there.

Don’t get married. Travel more. Don’t get into debt.

You’re gay. It might not be possible now, but one day you’ll be married to the most wonderful woman and that relationship will be the most significant and special of your life.

You’ll lose who you think is your best friend because it turns out she’s homophonic but it’s going to be so worth it. That loss will feel minuscule in comparison to trying to fit in for any longer.

You could do all this now instead of in 20 years, but I know you can’t yet. Your world won’t allow it right now. So you’ll marry the boyfriend, have kids and subject yourself to this mediocre man, who will treat you like a commodity and eventually you’ll take your chance to leave. The mediocrity will be the key to looking for yourself again and finding out you’re still hopeful and optimistic. You’ll blow up your life, because it’s not good enough, even if you were straight.

Everyone will see the divorce as your fault, because you’re gay. Not because of what he did to you all those years. You will be generous, and take the blame. Because you’re the one who is walking in to your authentic life and have a real shot at happiness. It’s always been there, waiting for you.

Dont listen to her she is a self centred jealous woman you will never please, what you don't understand at 20 is that she is carrying her own mental junk and projecting onto you, her daughter.

Well done for realising you should model your life and life choices on the healthy relationship you witnessed between your first boyfriends parents.

Nothing else to say to 20yr old me, I probably wouldn't have listened

You have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone

Buy a flat in central London

Some of the things mentioned on this thread are very personal to the individual. And rightfully so. Therefore it might not be appropriate or helpful to every 20 year old reading it.

But it does demonstrate to a 20 year old that some older posters really did go through a range of different issues. That can be quite a learning point.

If i could personally coach my 20 year old self:
Keep doing the yoga- you could easily train as a teacher.
You qualify for a hardship loan, apply for an art foundation course in London rather than thinking you have to train as a nurse to get there. It'll be a much better fit.
Be single.
You are a really good runner so find and join a club.
Ditch alcohol and smoking now.Spend the money on yoga and running shoes.
20 year old me wouldn't listen though!