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WWYD when your DH buys terrible clothes?

117 replies

rickyrickygrimes · 04/05/2025 08:15

DH has form for making odd clothing choices. He’s spent so much money over the years on expensive clothes, some of which he likes, many he doesn’t (and feels bad about) but persists in wearing because they cost money. I think he’s never worked out his own style - he says he aspires to smart casual but refuses to wear jeans, thinks blazers / sports jackets are too ‘posh’. He keeps buying ‘practical’ clothes then being disappointed that he looks like a workie 🤦‍♀️.

if he asks my opinion, I will give it honestly. I try to be helpful, suggest alternatives. I always compliment him when he wears something that looks great. My problem is that he often doesn’t want my opinion: he wants my approval - even if I hate it.

He’s just bought another item, imported from overseas, so both expensive and hard to return 🤦‍♀️. It’s horrible and I have no idea why he bought it. The first time he wears it I’m going to find it very hard to say anything positive - I suspect my face will give me away.

so what do you do in this situation? fake approval? Neutral expression - which will be taken as criticism? As is anything along the lines of ‘do you like it? Great, that’s what counts!’

OP posts:
rickyrickygrimes · 04/05/2025 08:51

For work he can wear what he likes. He’s a teacher, but we aren’t in the UK and there isn’t really a dress code.

he does find it hard to buy clothes - he’s not tall and is a bit overweight just now. I sympathise with that but it’s not really the issue.

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 04/05/2025 08:52

Could he try some cotton chinos with a polo shirt? That to me would be smart casual. My DS doesn't like jeans & that's what he wears.

TimingOff · 04/05/2025 08:53

Ok I did laugh at the big pocket thing but actually utility vests are a fashion moment for men.

The more you've said the more I feel for your DH. I don't know where you are in Scotland but i think in some parts there can be a dual pressure to both present yourself well but not to step out of your lane or look like you've got tickets on yourself. Basically conformity to the fashions of your social circle which can be very place-specific. So you see young men in all black puffers and trackies, everywhere, and women in identical outfits.

It sounds like your DH has his own ideas but lacks the confidence needed to follow through.

Ineedanewsofa · 04/05/2025 08:55

Mine is colourblind too and hardly ever buys clothes because he has zero interest. He asks for clothes for xmas and birthdays so I get him ‘nice’ things.
He did fall prey to an instagram ad recently that resulted in the most horrific, shit brown “lightweight casual jacket” arriving from China, he thought it was green 🙈 can’t send it back so it’s getting worn in the garden and on dog walks.
@rickyrickygrimes is it one of those utility gilets that make all men look like they are going fishing? The trainers also sounds weird! How old is he?

TroysMammy · 04/05/2025 08:56

I'm well known for my hatred of them so if he's wearing grey joggers LTB 😂

MoistVonL · 04/05/2025 08:57

Hell, I thought those vest pockety things were for fishing. I didn’t know people actually wore them as casual clothing!

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 04/05/2025 09:01

TimingOff · 04/05/2025 08:22

What does he do/wear for work?

Also please tell us what the imported item is 👀

I’m thinking lederhosen

CanYouTurnItDown · 04/05/2025 09:01

Oh bless him 🤣 If he likes flowery shirts, what’s wrong with that and some chinos? That’s smart casual.

i just think, give him loads of praise for the stuff that does look OK and ‘it’s not really my cup of tea but if you like it that’s great’ for the massive pocket.

Cognacsoft · 04/05/2025 09:02

My dh bought the most disgusting car coat
( think delboy) years ago. Fortunately he left it on a plane and never got it back.
Thank you British Midland.

CanYouTurnItDown · 04/05/2025 09:02

MoistVonL · 04/05/2025 08:57

Hell, I thought those vest pockety things were for fishing. I didn’t know people actually wore them as casual clothing!

That’s what I thought, maybe he wants to take up hunting?

ETA: but with an easy switch from day to night with the nice shirt underneath

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 04/05/2025 09:04

Cognacsoft · 04/05/2025 09:02

My dh bought the most disgusting car coat
( think delboy) years ago. Fortunately he left it on a plane and never got it back.
Thank you British Midland.

Also Arthur Daley 🤣

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/05/2025 09:06

Almost all the men I know wear some combination of T shirt/chinos or jeans. Find a pair that are comfortable, buy them in all colours, get given a few T shirts for birthdays and Christmas, and that's it! Two pairs of Nikes (one for best) and some wellies and you're away.

But then I do live very rurally and most of the men I know are farmers who wear boiler suits and milking overalls all day...

andthat · 04/05/2025 09:06

rickyrickygrimes · 04/05/2025 08:25

I think it used to but I don’t really care as much now - it’s his choice what to wear and I respect that. It’s the seeking of my approval that I find hard - I’m not good at faking that just to keep the peace / avoid being huffed at.

Stop pandering to his huffs.

If he asks for your opinion just say ‘as you’ve asked, it’s not my cup of tea but if you love it then my opinion is irrelevant’

And then if he sulks, tell him in no uncertain terms that he can take his mood elsewhere and that you won’t be giving any more opinions until he’s learnt that if he asks for one, you will give it. Seems to me that he doesn’t actually want to hear what you think… just wants you to tell him he looks great.

TheMimsy · 04/05/2025 09:09

@rickyrickygrimes would he see a stylist. There are some male ones and many women that specialise in men. They could help him find styles and colours that suit him given his preferences.

I used to make similar mistakes. I wanted to be the kind of person who wore a certain style but I was also uncomfortable and insecure in them and it showed in my posture etc.

50 now and lost weight (22 to a 14) and hair is now all grey so finding my style and colours all over again and using a personal stylist to help. There is also someone that’s just done a thread on how a personal stylist has saved their life. ;)

TeaAndStrumpets · 04/05/2025 09:11

My DH has worn the same clothes, basically, for decades. When they wear out he just buys the same again. He used to be required to wear a suit and tie to work and he hated it. He now has one suit kept for funerals, everything else is comfortable and bland. The one thing that really annoys me is that although he prefers leather shoes to trainers he will wear them long after they should have been binned, and will happily wear them everywhere. If I say they are a bit shabby he gives them a good polish and thinks they are now fine.

AdoraBell · 04/05/2025 09:15

I was going suggest a stylist too.

TeaAndStrumpets · 04/05/2025 09:19

Cognacsoft · 04/05/2025 09:02

My dh bought the most disgusting car coat
( think delboy) years ago. Fortunately he left it on a plane and never got it back.
Thank you British Midland.

Oh we had a car coat but luckily we had a moth invasion. While clearing the coat hooks I also binned a nasty bomber jacket, two really shabby leather jackets and a flasher's mac he'd bought in a sale and never worn thankfully. He is very trusting so I just put them all in the bin bags and showed him a sad face....job done.

Flozle · 04/05/2025 09:20

rickyrickygrimes · 04/05/2025 08:22

It’s quite normal to use in Scotland (where I’m from). It’s not derogatory at all.

“Workie” relates to how he’s dressed, ie a tradesman at work in a manual job. It’s not a comment the person.

Charmofgoldfinch · 04/05/2025 09:20

My husband also won’t wear jeans as they are uncomfortable 🤷🏻‍♀️ but he was in a similar situation to your DH- he’d never bought nice clothes before (wore gifts from his family which were always at least 2 sizes too big!) or old clothes until they wore out so he’d never found his style. He wanted the ‘smart casual’ look too. After many disastrous shopping trips I got him to look online at styles he did like and save photos of outfits he liked and then we went and tried on similar outfits. We now have a few shops where he can go and pick outfits he likes pretty much off the rack and he’s feeling much better about how he looks. I also took his measurements so he was actually buying the right sizes, and I take photos of him from the back etc when he tries clothes on so he can see how the clothes fit and why he doesn’t need clothes 2 sizes too big!

CandyCane457 · 04/05/2025 09:27

I can sort of relate.. I like all my partners clothes but sometimes he can dress rather…casually. He has jeans and shirts/nice polo shirts for when we go out, wears joggers and t shirts at home, fine. BUT. Sometimes we will be getting ready to go out and he puts a t shirt and his old joggers on. Last summer we were going to a beer garden for day drinks to celebrate a friends birthday and he put his joggers on and I was horrified! I asked if he wouldn’t mind putting jeans on, I said it’s not really a joggers type place. Then another time we went to go for a Sunday roast in a pub with his family he went to put his joggers on and I suggested he might want to wear his jeans. He laughs about it and we have a joke about me controlling his wardrobe but COME ON!

BingoBling · 04/05/2025 09:29

Does he have a celeb that he likes the style of and wants to look like ?

David Beckham, Jeremy Clarkson, Monty Don, Alan Titchmarsh? Or maybe Gordon Ramsay or Rod Stewart?

Could be a starting point.

AgnesX · 04/05/2025 09:31

Arlanymor · 04/05/2025 08:20

Oh. What a horrible term. Sounds classist. And snobby.

Hardly, you're being obtuse. It's a standard description for any plumber/electrician/tiler/other tradesperson.

In Glasgow workies have a kind of uniform so I get what the OP means (and not the look her DH is trying to achieve).

TotemPolly · 04/05/2025 09:32

My dh doesn't ever take himself shopping and in all our many years of being together he's never browsed online for clothes . It's always been me seeing something he might like and getting it or a comment from me saying your xxx is looking tatty we need to go out and get some new ones .

Arlanymor · 04/05/2025 09:33

AgnesX · 04/05/2025 09:31

Hardly, you're being obtuse. It's a standard description for any plumber/electrician/tiler/other tradesperson.

In Glasgow workies have a kind of uniform so I get what the OP means (and not the look her DH is trying to achieve).

Edited

How can I be obtuse when I have never heard of a term before - like never in 46 years. Standard for you and where you are from, but not for me. Hence my comment 'fair play' - it's something I have never come across. You can pretend otherwise, but it's the truth - hence why I asked. That's how you find out answers to questions - you ask.

SnoozingFox · 04/05/2025 09:35

rickyrickygrimes · 04/05/2025 08:22

It’s quite normal to use in Scotland (where I’m from). It’s not derogatory at all.

As soon as you wrote "workie" I knew you were Scottish! It's the same as "tradie" which appears to be the equivalent Aussie term. It's not a classist slur. It would be the same as saying he dresses like a geography teacher, or a children's TV presenter or an American tourist - all things I have said to my DH about things he has been thinking of buying.

I think you need to ask him - if he wants your opinion - to show you what he is thinking of buying before hitting the buy button, or tell him you'll go shopping with him in person so he can try things on.