"I only like my own kids"

[tortoisewoman]

I've heard quite a few people, both in real life and on Mumsnet, say they don't like spending time with other people's children, only their own, with the general consensus being that kids are annoying, snotty, boring, etc. and only tolerable if they're your own. Since I don't personally feel this way about children, I don't understand why someone would have kids if they feel this way about children.

If you're the kind of person who says they don't like other people's children, have you always felt that way? If so, how did you decide to have children? If not, why did your opinion change? No judgement, just curiosity.

Children are like farts, you can tolerate your own.

i like my friends and family’s children, some more than others though! Strangers kids - meh

It's weird, only liking a person because you share genetic material.
I don't like kids in general (noise, pitch, germs, irritating, not company I enjoy) and so I'm childfree.

I’m a teacher and though I love them in school I’m not keen on kids in public. I like my nieces and my very close friend’s children but I’m a bit meh about most others. However, I don’t think it’s the kids per se, it’s their poor behaviour as their parents don’t parent. Basically, I like nice, well behaved polite children.

This!

Yes I've always felt that way.

I decided I wanted to have children by deciding I wanted to have at least two (sorry if that sounds ridiculous, not sure what you're asking).

I don't think it's anything deeper than everyone being different. Children are really, really boring to me. Being a nursery-A Level stage teacher is my idea of hell on earth, and I think people who do this with kids of their own are doubly heroic. I can't understand how anyone can bear the noise. But, everyone's different.

I get your point - what gave these people the confidence they would like their own kids if they didn’t like others?

I would say - hormones are powerful things.

I don't get this though?? How do you know you are going to be able to tolerate the children you have if you can't tolerate other children?

It would depend on the kid. I never could stand whiny kids, or spoilt-bratty kids, or any kind of PITA kids.
My own were of course Practically Perfect In Every Way. 🙂

This makes sense - it's the poor behaviour you don't like. My DW is wary of interacting with other people's children because she worries she'll do something that their parents won't like or inadvertently upset the child, but she loves babies and is a great mum. But generally saying you 'don't like kids' while having your own is an alien concept to me. I'm just trying to understand!

I'm one of these people. Honestly, it was a bit of a leap of faith because my husband was keen for a family. Also my mum is obsessed with her kids but doesn't like kids generally and so I guess I had an example of how you can feel very differently about your own kids.

I adore my own children, but I basically pretend to like all other kids when I actually just feel indifferent to them. Even nieces and nephews (although only my dh knows I feel that way). I am grateful and relieved that my feelings towards my own children are so different and so I don't dwell on how I feel about other children, but I do occasionally worry that that feeling of love I have for my kids won't extend to grandchildren. But that's a long way off (if it happens at all) so I don't worry too much about it either.

I find the vitriol towards children a bit much sometimes tbh. There is a vast difference between not wanting children and not liking them.

To say you either like or dislike them almost commodifies them, as though they're not human beings with their own personalities, feelings, and wants. It would never be acceptable to say 'I don't like old people' or 'I hate all old people except my own parents' lol.

I really like children and find blanket statements off, because they're all individuals. Some are annoying, some are lovely, some are great for short periods, just like adults. I adore all babies tbh and don't understand why anyone wouldn't like babies (again, very different from not wanting one, which is ofc understandable!)

I don’t hate other people’s children by any means but I don’t find them very interesting. My child is interesting to me just by virtue of being my child (I do feel the same way about by nieces though as well).

The things I don't like about children I beat out of my own. They're not perfect but they don't shriek, they don't generally break stuff, they don't whinge.

There's a lot to be said for being able to tell them off. Kids are so annoying if you can't say "stop fucking about" but obviously you can with your own!

I'm curious about what the thought process was, going from not liking children at all to deciding to have two?

I am one of those people, and even with two DC I still find other people’s children annoy me after a while. I had a maternal urge to have kids though.

You own kids are different, you see things in them that others never would - little personality traits and quirks and even small reflections of yourself. I am obsessed with my kids, as gross as it sounds even their stink de-stresses me - they are only little though I’m sure I won’t be saying that when they’re teenagers! But with other kids I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. This is why I have a lot of respect for childcare workers - you need to be a certain type of person to want / enjoy that work.

Before I had my own children I just didn't spend much time around kids!

It was a visceral, irrational urge to have them. And I have to say, I have trained mine to be less annoying than the average. No screeching, please and thank you, greeting adults, no running around like loons in inappropriate places etc....

It was my turn to be a parent volunteer at Cubs this evening. Am currently drinking vodka.

I think my opinion changed when I had kids. My exposure was pretty low until that point and then I realised that actually I don’t have a lot of patience or desire to be around some kids. Or parents, I definitely didn’t know about the petty, bitchiness or oneupmanship that goes on!

When you say your husband was keen for a family, does he like children? There's always that one dad or uncle at a kid's party that all the kids are climbing on lol. Or was it more the idea of having kids that appealed to him? Again no judgement, just curious. Also interesting about your mum and the idea of the grandchild link. My mum has told me that my grandparents were always much kinder and more affectionate to us grandkids than they ever were to their own kids!

This is my opinion exactly. Children are people, and while I work with kids professionally, there are some who I would choose to spend more time with than others - just like adults!

I used to say I wasn’t a fan of other people’s children, but I’ve come to realise that it would be more accurate to say I’m not a fan of other people’s parenting 🤣

Thoughts and prayers - Cub/Scout/Brownie leader can be a horrific job lol

I liked children till I had my own then realised just how poorly behaved so many children are and they annoy me guess being around only a handful till you have your own helps you think all children must be lovely.

I do like a few friends children but mostly I like mine and tolerate others for brief periods if I must.

@Thelondonone @HobbyHorse30 @Tarantella6 these all make sense and I understand why 'I don't like other people's kids' is a shorthand for it - it's the fact that children often behave badly in public but you can't do anything about it if it's not your child.

Akela's fucking amazing mind you, she's a small boy whisperer. Discipline just falls to bits in the small "spirited" group I'm invariably put in charge of though. They can smell fear...

I don’t like the way children make their adults dull, distracted and sometimes whiffy.

Cats, however, make every susceptible human better.