"I only like my own kids"

[tortoisewoman]

I've heard quite a few people, both in real life and on Mumsnet, say they don't like spending time with other people's children, only their own, with the general consensus being that kids are annoying, snotty, boring, etc. and only tolerable if they're your own. Since I don't personally feel this way about children, I don't understand why someone would have kids if they feel this way about children.

If you're the kind of person who says they don't like other people's children, have you always felt that way? If so, how did you decide to have children? If not, why did your opinion change? No judgement, just curiosity.

No? I'm the OP, not the person who did the original reply.

I think it’s mainly down to hormones/primal instinct to procreate. I’ve been very surprised when some of my friends announced they were pregnant, some who’d always moaned about how annoying children were & just didn’t seem to have any maternal instinct at all. But all have made wonderful mothers. I’ve always quite liked and got along quite well with kids - in small doses though. Random kids out in public are annoying and loud and yes, a conversation for more than 5 minutes with a young child is mind-numbingly boring! You’re right though, it’s completely different with your own kids. I have a 4 yo that I love more than anything in the world. It’s often just the two of us and we have a lot of fun together- all you have to do is fart to make them laugh! And it’s a magical time cos they still believe in fairies and Santa and mythical creatures so you can let your imagination run wild with them

I liked other kids a lot more until I had my own! Didn't really see it coming either.

For me I think it's that I get as much time with kids as I want now, therefore my threshold for behaviour I need of other kids for their company to still be enjoyable, has become much much higher.

I don't expect everyone to like children. I am just curious about the people who say they don't like any children except their own, and whether that is something that comes after having children or whether people go into it not liking children but have them regardless.

@Roxietrees I’ve been very surprised when some of my friends announced they were pregnant, some who’d always moaned about how annoying children were & just didn’t seem to have any maternal instinct at all. But all have made wonderful mothers.

This is what I meant by my original post! Interesting how things change when you have your own children. Thinking about it, I think maybe it's a risk aversion thing/fear of the unknown for me - if I hadn't spent lots of time with extended family, babysitting, teaching, and didn't feel like I thoroughly knew the reality of life with children, I don't know if I'd want them!

Kids are not important to me.
I dont look and think oh so cute and musy talk.
I think thank god its not mine.

I always quite liked kids generally- wanted to be a teacher in fact (luckily I didn’t follow that path). Then I had kids and as they’ve grown through each different age and stage, I’ve then lost interest in children of that age, if that makes any sense. I still occasionally meet children I really warm to, who are entertaining and interesting. But an awful lot of kids are intolerable and it’s usually because their parents haven’t done a great job.

I like kids. I'm someone who they talk to, even random kids that we've just met in the park or soft play. I try to do my best by every child I come across. Children nowadays live in a world where many of them have limited informal interactions outside school with kindly adults - less extended family, more intolerance, loss of a feeling of society. So I try to show an interest.

Actually, I'm the opposite to only liking my own kids. I love them to pieces but they are quite intense (which is both good and bad) and they can trigger me in a way I can't imagine other people's kids doing. Also, I'm not completely stupid and besotted - there are other children who are better-behaved, cleverer, better brought-up and have nicer manners than mine. We were at a children's party the other day, and I made a somewhat dry joke that went right over my own child's head but the little boy next to him got it and his eyes were twinkling and he was smiling, and I looked at him and thought "you're a very nice, bright little button, aren't you?"

But my children are not show ponies putting on a performance and it's my job is to help them grow into a happy and contented adulthood, it's not their job to be so amazing that I bask in their reflected glory. And some of the "qualities" which often annoy me - their occasional bolshiness and sheer bloody mindedness - may help with that. And as I was saying to my older one the other day, they're much less trouble to me than other people's children because we've all learned to rub along pretty nicely together. We've kind of grown into each other.

Kids are for people who can't have cats, no?

I would have previously said that I don’t like children when I was younger - what I meant is that I have no interest in them as I didn’t have any close relatives that were children and children did not fit with my interests/hobbies. Now I love my children/nieces/nephews so I am interested in their development and hobbies, but I do not have the same enthusiasm for other children. So not really “don’t like” but have no interest in spending time with other children.

I, broadly speaking, tolerate most children better than most adults.

I don’t say it out loud but yeah I definitely feel like this. I guess I decided to have kids because I didn’t really know any before I had mine! Sure I had friends with kids but we mostly met up childfree. now that I’m a parent we’re more likely to meet with the kids because we’re both at that same stage of life now and I’m around others peoples kids more. And yip I find them annoying. Although I’m sure they find my kids annoying as well! The truth is kids aren’t particularly likeable, they’re loud, unintentionally rude, interupt conversations, and yes pretty boring as they have such limited experiences all of which is very normal and developmentally appropriate but if you don’t have that familial and material bond and love I think it’s pretty normal to not enjoy them.

I am socially awkward - so I only gravitate towards certain people.

It’s the same for kids. If I’m around a child I’ll ask the usual questions, but they don’t always give much. I don’t mind children, I just find them awkward,

I have friends however that absolutly loooovveeeee children. What you would call “natural”. Funnily enough they are the 2 without kids (yet) but it’s like they know what to say to bring out a conversation from any child and they show genuine investment and they turn into big kids themselves so probably relate to them.

I have children, love them and actually love being a parent. But they live with me, and I live with them. We get eachother. There are no surprises. We have conversation, we have a good time - but I don’t know how to replicate that with other peoples children - I couldn’t tell you why.

So my answer is I think it’s like any skill or personality trait or interest. Some people have it and some people just don’t.

I used to love kids until I had my own and went to kid places and see what brats some of them are 🤣 so yep not a fan anymore, only like a select few 🤣 The parents are even worse!

I really like my friends' kids and DD's mates as they're all really sweet children. Yes they mess about but they have fun things to say and are kind to each other.

That's not to say I like all kids though!

Yep this. I love my kid, I love my sisters kids. Other than that I’m not fussed. I smile at babies and toddlers in public if I happen to come across them.

Or is it preferring small “people” you can remonstrate with if they run wild a bit? I civilised my own DC not to be too “spirited” in public.

I worked with children for years, some I liked a lot, some I tolerated and a few I struggled with. The difference is you love your own kids regardless of how hard work they are.

I’m one of these people. And, in my mid twenties, I seriously considered remaining childless because of this. I confided in my mum and she quickly replied ‘it’s different when they’re yours’. So I guess she’s one of those people too, but she is a fantastic mum and now a very caring grandmother.

In the end I suppose the biological urge was too strong and I ended up with two DC. I adore them and I’ve found that I’m more tolerant of other children too since having my own. But I still wouldn’t say I like children in general and I definitely wouldn’t want to be a nursery teacher.

I always find this such an odd, nasty and mean spirited thing to say. Like the person saying it has such a superiority complex because their own DCs are clearly so much more amazing and likeable than everyone else’s snotty brats.

This. I can’t be bothered with most people apart from my people, children are just a subset of that.

agree with the point re parenting though, often it’s the parenting that grates and not the child

I knew my children would be well behaved.

So while I knew I didn’t like some people's children, it didn’t put me off having my own because I knew they wouldn’t behave that way.

(And they didn’t. And they’re the best thing in my life).

Until I had kids I thought all kids were nice. They’re not. I only ever liked my own and my nieces and nephews. No others really. Most kids are irritating AF.

It’s almost like nature designed it this way for some unknown reason ! ;)

I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. It’s always been that way.
Babies I find creepy and weird. I’ve held three of them in my 50 years (a niece and my goddaughters) and all of us hated every second. They made it clear through the noise they made so they got removed very quickly which I was grateful for. Also milk makes me vomit and they always smell like off milk so it’s doubly unpleasant

I’m always dumbfounded by people who say about newborns ‘oh I can’t wait for a cuddle, so lovely and squishy and a smell of her head’. I’m clearly missing whatever gene/hormone drives that. Like people who can’t eat coriander….