What do people in their 80s eat?

[Shoppingagain]

It might sound like a stupid question as I am sure everybody is different but I am wondering as I don’t think my elderly parents (80s) cook any more.

They used to heat things up in the microwave and use the oven for something simple they could put on a baking tray but it seems like too much trouble these days. They haven’t cooked anything like veg on the hob for a long time. They don’t make anything on toast even. So they must be living on snacks and things they can take from the fridge.

I do their shopping but they won’t accept any help in cooking or preparing food as they are very independent. I’m not even allowed to make a cup of tea!

Maybe I won’t feel like cooking in my 80s either so I am wondering what the ‘norm’ is and any ideas on what I can get them to eat that doesn’t involve much preparation.

I would also investigate if there is a "meals on wheels" type service in their area, a friend's parents get a hot two course lunch delivered every day and they are happy to sit down and eat it because there is zero effort associated with preparing it.

How wonderful. She sounds amazing

As my dm got frail, we arranged deliveries from Farm Foods that she could reheat herself. Plus a taxi to a weekly pensioners lunch club, plus (between us, we are a large family) someone would usually take her for lunch on Sundays.

When I visited, I'd take a bag of assorted fruit, salad, cooked chicken, cheese and ham that didn't need any preparation. She refused to buy anything other than apples or bananas, having decided that any other fruit was ruinously expensive. 🙄

My Mum was the same, well she had some form of dementia and could not work.out how to use the oven or hob. As a previous poster said, I used to fill the fridge with odds and ends I knew she liked, I would make her a sandwich with one slice of bread and some lettuce and tomato then fill the plate with bits of fruit, a couple of biscuits or piece of cake. She still managed to get cereal in the morning. As the end of her life approached she moved onto the all cake diet. By that time it was just a case of calories. Her appetite got smaller as time went on but she was happy till the end.

OP, have you considered they might be trying to save electricity or gas.

I solved that by paying directly into my dm's electricity account so she was comfortably in credit and would stop worrying about it.

Salad and fruit are fine if they don’t eat hot veg. Crudités and grapes are easy. Just steer them towards things like that if you’re concerned about their intake. A bit of “the cherry tomatoes were on offer and so I thought they’d be good on the side”…

soup
shepherds pie
chicken thighs
fish cake

My friend was exactly the same when. She hit 80. She had osteoporosis, was in awful pain and had to use a walking frame around the house. Standing to peel veg, cook meals etc… just caused too much pain and she resorted to ready meals.
Years ago there’d have been Meals on Wheels which were canteen type cooked food, not UPF. Unfortunately her health declined rapidly, I don’t think the constant diet of ready meals was entirely responsible but didn’t help.

you can buy ready meals for the microwave

Wiltshire farm foods

Just for information, I'm late 60s now and rarely cook either! I live alone and can't be bothered. But I do eat well and have very little "rubbish". I only turn the oven on once a week!! to bake my own wholemeal brown bread full of ground nuts and seeds. That lasts the week from the freezer. I have porridge with full fat Greek yogurt and berries/seeds/nuts, then a sandwich and soup for lunch, or fruit and yogurt. Maybe just brown bread with eggs, salmon, or cheese with salad for tea. I do eat out a good bit and that's great for me. Very few vegetables I'm afraid, but my bloods are A1 and I have no deficiencies, feel great and am not underweight.

My diet, such as it is, is protein heavy and that's important as we age.

I often wondered how people my age can eat a huge dinner, big portions put me right off!

My mum is 84 and lives round the corner from me. She's quite frail and her appetite is now tiny, she doesn't burn many calories though! She has porridge for breakfast which she says fills her up so she doesn't want lunch. She'll sometimes have a ready meal for dinner but she wouldn't eat the whole of it. I drop round home cooked food a couple of times a week - spag bol, cottage pie, chicken thighs with veg traybake, chicken, beef or lamb casserole with lots of veg. She enjoys these but still eats a small portion. I try and add lentils and lots of veg to make healthy meals. She does love a pudding, chocolate brownie or custard tarts!

would they accept carers who come in heat up and serve them food?

My late DM developed a sweet tooth in her 80s. She wasn't very mobile and we took the view that, as long as she was getting something in her, then let her eat what she fancied. Some days, it might've been one Weetabix with a little milk (breakfast), half a sandwich (lunch), a packet of Quavers and some chocolate (tea in the evening). Her calorie demand was low, so 🤷‍♀️. Getting her to drink enough was another thing altogether, though...
Can vouch for Wiltshire Farm Foods, too.

What would happen if you took them out?

Many older people are more inclined to eat out because not only are they not cooking they aren't washing up or using power and they have lots of choices available. Also it can look a bit odd to sit with a cup of tea while your companion is eating.

If they are really resistant then a suggestion that can work: When my relative was elderly and not eating Dad would take him out for a drive, then Dad would claim to be hungry/thirsty/need the loo so they would stop somewhere. Relative could often be persuaded to eat something, if he declined Dad would say he was getting something anyway and offer to share, or say he couldn't finish it and would go to waste. Not necessarily a meal, often things like a portion of chips on a bench, a pork pie in the pub or maybe an ice cream van visit.

TBH when my mother had dementia I read more than once that sufficient calories were more important than ‘healthy’ eating, particularly since people with dementia can be very picky about what they will or won’t eat.
Sufficient fluid intake also v important. At my DM’s care home they gave them a lot of ‘watery’ food - soup, jelly and ice cream, stewed fruit and custard, etc.

The older I have got the more I find a lot of food tasteless. Sweet stuff is what I can taste most so I eat far more of it than I should really.

My mum would always like a roast dinner at mine but I got the impression at hers she ate mostly things like a ham salad or cheese sandwich. She lost interest in cooking when my dad died, had he been around she would have done proper meals well into her 80s as my dad loved food. (She’s gone now as well).

I always said I’d make proper meals even if it was just me but I find now my adult kids are not here so much for dinner I have lost motivation myself. When they’re here I’m right back up to making proper dinners. My older son is here for dinner about two or three times a week otherwise I’d just snack.

Do they give you a shopping list?
Surely they say what they want you to buy and you go to the shops for it?

My Dad died in his mid 70s and he'd already stopped cooking by then but he was still eating microwaved meals. He had toast for breakfast. He went out to the local supermarket cafe 3 or 4 times a week for egg and chips. He couldn't be arsed with cooking and he found it difficult to stand for long periods of time.

Older people need fewer calories and their appetites are often reduced. As long as they are eating something and taking vitamins it really doesn't matter if the food is cooked or not. Maybe they are trying to save money too by not using the oven?

Would they plate up a salad if the ingredients were in the fridge? So cooked meats, smoked fish, boiled eggs, mayonaise, pre-cut veg.

If you bought ready meals to be microwaved would they eat them or woud they still be there a week later? I know ready meals aren't the healthiest thing in the world but they are already in their 80s so it's not as bad as if a 20 year old starts eating ready meals and eats them for 40 years.

My DF has more or less lost his appetite except for sweet things, but I put that down to his dementia.

My Dad loved cooking, and took over this completely on retirement in his 50s learning more and more complex cooking and baking. However, it gets hard and he couldn't chop/peel/hold heavy pans in his 80s so his menu plans were easy cook fading down to nice ready meals and tins. Whilst he had a huge range of cooking gadgets he couldn't get along with choppers, or maybe didn't like he had to use them.
Sadly, latterly in his life I found him try to whip up an omelette to tempt my mum but he dropped the glass bowl he was whisking in - it's just too much for them.
They wanted to eat all normal stuff though, just couldn't make it easily. My mum still enjoyed a Xmas dinner and fish and chips at over 90 - she never was able to make these herself though.
Mostly relied on ready meals - they had liked Morrisons best ones but also useful was Parsley Box as they'd last ages, my Dad really liked these.
Sadly I would say it's as they can't face trying to cook but need to retain independence is a real thing so if it works sufficiently for them then I wouldn't over worry - folk can live at that age for years on very basic, less than healthy fare with not so much worry of longer term effects, especially if they ate well for lots of years previously- but maybe take a meal around now and again just for their enjoyment?
It's hard seeing parents decline but they most of all don't wish you to worry for them - accept those wishes and know how much they love you.

My relatives in their 70's and 80's still do cook, but it's 'traditional British food' and have a fear of anything 'foreign' (which personally I prefer). They've always been like that.

So they alternate between sausage & mash, fish & chips, roast dinner. Things with potatoes in basically. Cooked breakfasts too.

No wonder I can't stand the stuff!

Well OP knows that, but her parents don't eat/prepare them.

When my dad died and me and my brother moved out, my mum never cooked a proper meal again as she hated cooking. Lived on sandwiches, biscuits and ate out at cafes. Lived to her early 90s so didn't do her any harm.

Yes I do get a shopping list but they have stopped eating all the things that need cooking but they are acting like everything is fine and don’t want any help.

There is no way they would accept carers or deliveries although that’s something that might change in the future.

I think they are in denial and they are used to not accepting help so will muddle through as long as they can.

Thank you for the excellent suggestions.