Virginity at middle age - truth or fib?

[VinylVal]

Male looking for female opinions. I still carry my V-card and am mid-fifties. I couldn't accurately say how I ended up like this - probably constant rotten luck or lack of popularity. Anyway, is it something that would be a red flag or deal breaker to a potential partner? I'm an honest man, I hate being lied to and I'm not happy telling lies either. But in this case, would you say it's something to be kept private, at least to begin with, or something to be up front about?

I need honest answers please. Thankyou.

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty. Being a virgin in middle age for me would suggest high difficulties with social interaction and whilst not a red flag, would probably not have a relationship with that person.

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty -

if he'd said 'ladies' that would have been pounced on as well

In answer to your question OP - I wouldn't divulge that information until it felt right to do so, and depending on whether you felt comfortable with that person.

I don't think you need to tell people straight away unless the conversation takes that turn. You don't owe anyone that type of personal information before you're ready to tell them.I wouldn't lie about it but I wouldn't broadcast it until it comes up. I do think it could be a potential red flag but if it was there would probably be other signs.

👆🏼 agree

I don’t think you need to disclose this information and tbh it likely wouldn’t come up in conversation anyway? Early twenties maybe the type of convo to happen but mid-fifties I doubt anyone would even ask or discuss virginity?? Unless it’s a religious thing like sex before marriage

Yes, was PP suggested….don’t volunteer this information before you’ve built a certain level of trust. You don’t need to lie either, if being asked about previous relationships, you could say that you didn’t have a significant relationship in your life so far but that you’d rather not talk about details of your dating history that early on.

I know someone in your situation and he is a lovely, hardworking, very capable man who would be a catch for any woman.

Frame it positively - you don’t come with any baggage! A lot of women would find that attractive, especially if they have children or have been divorced.

Sex isn’t difficult and is simpler for a man in terms of achieving pleasure. To give pleasure just follow the woman’s lead and you won’t go too far wrong. Make sure you practise how to use protection beforehand.

I wouldn't advertise it either, if someone describes themselves as having no baggage in middle age, I see that as quite arsey.

I have 2 sons, they are not baggage, if someone else viewed offspring as baggage, I would avoid them.

I think your biggest issue will be finding someone who will go at your pace which may be slower given the need to navigate the pre sex foreplay, which most middle aged people are familiar with, and won't be trepidatious about it.

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty

Why?

Just keep it to yourself, I think most women will presume you have already lost your virginity so won’t be asking anyway

Make up a short story about a past fling if they do ask, but then say you don’t like talking about past relationships …as they are in the past

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty.

What the hell? Why?

Does it really need explaining? Looking for ‘female’ opinions on a man’s sex life (or lack of), the op hasn’t even explained if he’s at the start of a relationship at the moment and how to broach it. Yes there’s ’red flags’.

No, they are not, he is trying to get a females opinion …..because he wants to date females?!?

Female what?
Female cat, Female pigeon, Female spider?

Men who see WOMEN as less than equal human beings tend to use the word females as if they are a monolith, as if they are service providers for entitled men.

Using the word females to describe women is a red flag to many women, if you're using that word and still a virgin at 50 then women are picking up on your attitude to them and not selecting you for a good reason.

I don't mind being called a female, why would this be an issue?

Nope he's trying to get women's opinions.

Just stay a virgin OP. As you can see from how this thread has already gone, females are not worth the hassle sometimes.

What?!?

Why?

Men just can’t win sometimes, can they?

Ok, I’ve given my view. ‘Females’ is usually what incels call women. But obviously that is unlikely to be the case with the op so apologies.

Females is a word used to reduce the being to its sex, it can be used for any living creature but Women is what you use for adult female humans.

Stop calling human women Females reducing them to their sex parts ignoring all the other aspects of what makes them a woman and you may get somewhere.

He didn’t call women females. He asked for female opinions. It’s different.

@VinylVal Don’t announce it when getting to know someone. You can always say it’s been a long time, if you get to that point with someone.

Don't lie. If you have met the right person it shouldn't matter. Lying would be more of a red flag I would think. However, also if may not come up, in which case it is your choice and when you talk about it, but definitely don't lie about it.

He doesn't call women females (which would be a definite red flag for me). He uses female as an adjective (which in my view is not a red flag in itself). I would have felt more comfortable with 'women's opinions.

Edited to amplify

Females makes me think of Friday Night Dinner. In hindsight it might have been better to say you were looking for a woman’s perspective.

No advice that hasn’t already been given.