Virginity at middle age - truth or fib?

[VinylVal]

Male looking for female opinions. I still carry my V-card and am mid-fifties. I couldn't accurately say how I ended up like this - probably constant rotten luck or lack of popularity. Anyway, is it something that would be a red flag or deal breaker to a potential partner? I'm an honest man, I hate being lied to and I'm not happy telling lies either. But in this case, would you say it's something to be kept private, at least to begin with, or something to be up front about?

I need honest answers please. Thankyou.

I refuse to pay for sex

This is a point in your favour, as for a lot of women, a man having paid for sex in the past is a dealbreaker. Certainly most Mumsnetters seem to have a zero tolerance policy on it.

Oh bore off.

Hey OP .
So have you never dated at all ?

No need to discuss this until any relationship is likely heading that way. Fine to say you have not had any serious relationships, if that is the case. Be prepared to explain why not maybe religion, caring resposibilities, just never clicked with anyone.
Might also suggest if you are looking for a sexual relationship that you consider buying a copy of “she comes first” highly recommended.

Jesus Christ, some of these replies.

OP you did nothing wrong by saying females.

Women are not identical. For some it won't be an issue at all and it could be seen as a bonus, for other it will be a turn off.

As with anything relationship-wise, it's about finding the right person for you.

@Missj25 No, I haven't.

like how come ?

I don't understand thr issue with females...

In all honesty op your virginity wouldn't bother me. I've had shit times in life and while your situation is unusual it isn't so strange as to be a deciding factor against someone I liked. I've dated two men who had a very sparse relationship history for different reasons.

Did you ever watch Friday Night Dinner? 😁

Agree with others not to bring it up until actually in a relationship. At which point can just say not v experienced. At the point of it happening, though, I would tell your partner...or in the run up, purely so it can be more special between you and they can adjust expectations. Personally if I was already in a relationship and really liked someone, I would have no problem with this at all - in fact, I'd go so far as to say I'd see it as a positive.

He called himself male, so it is pretty logical for him to say female. I think you are being way too sensitive.

It's also worth noting that most reasonable, grown up women would much rather you did say you were a virgin. Rather than have inadequate sex with them and claim to be a lothario.

I remember someone telling me they hadn't had sex for many years when I got with them. Not the same but it felt like I appreciated their honesty and it gave me knowledge of what to expect and how to improve it etc. We went on to have fantastic sex and I'm sure you will do when you find the right person.

@Missj25 Several rejections. I stopped bothering eventually. Maybe I'm invisible. Perhaps there's more going on than I'm consciously aware of - if I knew what that was I would probably not be in this situation. But, again, that's not what this thread is about.

I honestly don’t remember the last time I had sex, at least ten year’s ago but no idea at all of the actual event. One thing I’m pretty sure I can’t do anymore is kiss (as in snogging). That would scare me now as despite the fact I ‘snogged’ a lot in my younger years I don’t think I’d have a clue now. (Last sex was with my ex and we stopped snogging year’s before). I probably haven’t had a proper one since about 2002.

I haven't read all the newer replies but wanted to add to my earlier post, in case it helps. The person I knew in this position who went to a legal brothel was mildly autistic. Dating and all that was the absolute hardest thing for him, though he had a good job and so on. After getting his feelings hurt badly a few times over well meant missteps with women, he was afraid to even try anymore. Add to this no sexual experience at an advanced age and he was very unhappy. He wanted a partner but just felt totally unable to bring that about.

He thought having at least a little sexual experience would help his confidence in feeling able to approach women etc.

So, he first looked into "sex therapists." But they're few and far between, expensive and guess what--- they use "sexual surrogates" - people you pay to have sex with you and work on whatever issue you have with it. This is in the USA, if it makes any difference.

So then he decided it would get the same job done just to go directly for it, after not being able to find a "sex therapist" in his area. What he learned from them is that they (prostitutes at the legal brothels) often do serve as "sex surrogates" in this way, helping men with this issue and others.

I'm sure it wouldn't be for everybody and we all have our personal opinions. But it was legal and that was his decision and it seemed to have worked pretty well for him. Since then, he's had a few dates and a semi-long relationship, which is a lot of progress for him. shrug

Another option that I can think of, is to join a dating site and consider giving a hint of this in your profile or on the questions they ask. You'd have to think of how to word it though, and how much you want to disclose. If you think that would cut down on the awkwardness and/or make it something you feel like you can do. Whatever you can and want to do that might help you get unstuck and able to progress with your goals. Best wishes to you. :)

Thankyou again all.

Hev didn't say females - thankfully! He asked for a female opinion - quite different. Why don't people actually read the posts?