Virginity at middle age - truth or fib?

[VinylVal]

Male looking for female opinions. I still carry my V-card and am mid-fifties. I couldn't accurately say how I ended up like this - probably constant rotten luck or lack of popularity. Anyway, is it something that would be a red flag or deal breaker to a potential partner? I'm an honest man, I hate being lied to and I'm not happy telling lies either. But in this case, would you say it's something to be kept private, at least to begin with, or something to be up front about?

I need honest answers please. Thankyou.

This in spades.
Why do men do this? We don't go around talking about MALES.
It's a good place to start, OP.

I’m a mum and on a rare occasion I have used the word female and my twenty something son has even said ‘mum, don’t say female’. It’s because year’s ago (I’m an older mother) it didn’t have the connotations it has now. Better to say woman or women’s.

I would argue that we can use the word male but it doesn’t have the same negative connotations (the male perspective, male heavy workplace etc). But that’s because we women don’t tend to be incel like (not saying OP is). What women wouldn’t say is there’s a great club opened, there are a lot of males there. See how yuck that sounds?

Interesting thread. I feel obliged to point out that the OP referred to himself as 'male'. Does that make the use of the word 'female' better or worse?

Plus, OP said: 'I still carry my V-card'. I had to look this up. Presumably it's V-Card: 'colloquial (originally and chiefly U.S.). 1983– Virginity. Often in to lose one's V-card: to lose one's virginity.' Are you American, OP?

(FWIW, AI's first gues was 'A vCard, also known as a Virtual Contact File (.vcf), is an electronic business card that facilitates the sharing of contact information.' 😀)

Well as a 60 year old biological female, every day is a school day 😁

I’ve happily existed all these years not knowing that I ought to have been offended at being called female. Who knew?

It depends on the woman. For some it would be a big issue, for others it wouldn’t. Some would find it a turn off, others would find it sweet.

Also, don’t assume sex is the main reason people form relationships. Some people want company and support more than sex. For many, sex isn’t that big a deal, especially in middle age. Frankly, a lot of middle-aged people can’t be arsed!

He said "female opinions" which is a valid descriptor for the opinions of women.

I am completely confused by this also and I am 42. Will add that I rarely get offended by anything unless it is said specifically to upset .

I doubt at your age anyone will bring it up, so don't like, but don't mention it.

Being a virgin in middle age for me would suggest high difficulties with social interaction

I think this is wrong. There are so many reasons why people, men and woman, may not have had sex ( Asexuality being just one) and I think it is very damaging to suggest this is indicative of some sort of difficulty in social interaction. Being able to form profound, loving relationships with people has nothing to do with having sex.

Why do you keep posting the same thread every few weeks? Virginity fetish?

If you find yourself in a situation where things are moving towards sex, then perhaps you could say something vague like you're not that experienced. Or it's been a while or something.

Is everything in working order? Do you pleasure yourself? Do you know roughly how to pleasure a woman or the different ways different women might enjoy being touched? If not - research! Assuming you want a physical relationship, it's also fine if you don't but you do need to be upfront about that with potential partners.

It’s just a colloquial phrase and doesn’t necessarily refer to children. It could mean ex-partners, prior marriages or pining after long-lost loves. He won’t be coming with any of that.

There is nothing wrong with having children, an ex-partner or a previous spouse, but the idea of a clean slate might appeal to some fifty-something women - especially if you read some of the ‘step-parenting’ threads on here!

He could find another way to phrase it on a profile.

OP, try not to worry too much about the way this thread has gone off track about you asking for female opinions. I’m not offended, and I think there are many others who wouldn’t be. Some women are over sensitive and easily triggered, possibly by past bad experiences.

To answer your question; no, your lack of experience is definitely not a red flag. Is it a deal-breaker? That’s a harder question because bad sex can definitely be a dealbreaker to some women. But just because you haven’t yet had sex doesn’t mean that you won’t be a good lover. And as long as you show that you are willing to learn what your partner likes, and ensure they have a good time, the right person would hopefully not consider ending an otherwise good relationship just for that reason.

However, I don’t think this is something to discuss upfront, or at an early stage of getting to know someone. I agree that you shouldn’t lie about it if the conversation comes up but you are unlikely to be asked directly. Don’t volunteer the fact that you haven’t had sex. Likewise, don’t ask how many partners she has had - it’s just bad manners.

There’s nothing wrong or unusual about the word female in the original post. As far as sexual history goes I wouldn’t mention it and would be unnerved if you didn’t or mentioned how many women you’d slept with. Your history is yours and hers is hers.

What is wrong with calling women females??

@VinylVal Are you dating now? Focus on getting to know someone first, then if you get to that point in the relationship play it by ear. It is fine for both men and women to say they are looking to get to know someone better before getting intimate.

I would probably think it is better to explain to an understanding partner that you are inexperienced beforehand.

To be honest, in your 50s, who's going to ask?

Unless a partner outright asks you, then you're not lying if you don't mention, any more than if you neglect to mention you've never been skydiving

Thinking the same thing lol.
On a different thread a few said it was rude and a red flag to call a woman a girl women find it rude and find offence in a man calling them a woman.
I dont get it it`s like some will find anything to pick at.

I agree, absolute mind boggling nonsense

This is ridiculous. What’s he meant to call females?

I was absolutely assuming he meant female pigeons. 🙄

You are looking to find fault; there is nothing wrong with the word female. I’d say “looking for male opinions” and not expect to be jumped on.

You don’t need to make any grand confessions until you are ready op. By then any woman would have enough to go on besides that piece of information.

Agreed.

Don’t bring it up - no one will ask. If they seem concerned about your lack of performance ability, just say it’s been a while….

But he didn’t? He asked for ‘female opinions’.

I agree referring to women as ‘females’ is very Andrew Tate (though I don’t know if AT actually does) but that’s not what the OP has done.

What "needs explaining" is why someone would so eagerly look for reasons to pick someone apart when they obviously only meant to nicely request our help. I'm sure it gives you a lift but it's nasty behavior and cuts down on how many people will participate here. Check yourself.