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Original poster

Virginity at middle age - truth or fib?

93 replies

VinylVal · 27/04/2025 13:19

Male looking for female opinions. I still carry my V-card and am mid-fifties. I couldn't accurately say how I ended up like this - probably constant rotten luck or lack of popularity. Anyway, is it something that would be a red flag or deal breaker to a potential partner? I'm an honest man, I hate being lied to and I'm not happy telling lies either. But in this case, would you say it's something to be kept private, at least to begin with, or something to be up front about?

I need honest answers please. Thankyou.

OP posts:
Original poster
VinylVal · 27/04/2025 15:43

Thankyou everybody. There seems to be a consensus that being a newbie isn't something to lie about or shout from the rooftops. It's a question of timing. And who is getting offended by use of the word 'female', especially in the context I presented? Incredible that a thread can veer off track so quickly all because of one legitimate but misunderstood word.

OP posts:
Potnoodly · 27/04/2025 15:47

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 14:17

Female what?
Female cat, Female pigeon, Female spider?

Men who see WOMEN as less than equal human beings tend to use the word females as if they are a monolith, as if they are service providers for entitled men.

Using the word females to describe women is a red flag to many women, if you're using that word and still a virgin at 50 then women are picking up on your attitude to them and not selecting you for a good reason.

But he referred to himself as male… does he see himself as less also? I think you’re reading too much in to this

Potnoodly · 27/04/2025 15:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/04/2025 14:44

Well as a 60 year old biological female, every day is a school day 😁

I’ve happily existed all these years not knowing that I ought to have been offended at being called female. Who knew?

I’m 41, and me too!!

InMyOpenOnion · 27/04/2025 15:51

As a PP said, most women won't be thinking about virginity at this age, they will just assume you're not. Even if you say you haven't had a significant relationship, they will still almost certainly imagine you've had sex with someone at some point. There is no need to advertise it explicitly, but don't lie if asked directly (though I have to say, I am 51 and haven't asked a man if he's a virgin for about 30 years!).

BigHeadBertha · 27/04/2025 15:52

MovingAlongNicely · 27/04/2025 14:19

Just stay a virgin OP. As you can see from how this thread has already gone, females are not worth the hassle sometimes.

And yet a couple dozen women immediately came to his defense and shot the offending poster down.

RaininSummer · 27/04/2025 15:54

It's fine to ask for female opinions as far as I can see. I might ask for male opinions in other instances. Also if you say women you may attract opinions from the self identified versions.

Justfreedom · 27/04/2025 15:56

Simplynotsimple · 27/04/2025 13:31

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty. Being a virgin in middle age for me would suggest high difficulties with social interaction and whilst not a red flag, would probably not have a relationship with that person.

Give your head a shake.

Muffinmam · 27/04/2025 15:58

Why don’t you just pay for it so it’s not such a big deal?

BigHeadBertha · 27/04/2025 15:59

If you have the will and the means, I'd suggest losing your virginity. That resolves the issue and also would also give you more confidence about the whole thing, where you might feel a lot more confident dating in the first place. I knew a guy in your position who went to a brothel in a location where it was legal and had sex with a few different women while he was there.

GreenCandleWax · 27/04/2025 15:59

Simplynotsimple · 27/04/2025 13:31

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty. Being a virgin in middle age for me would suggest high difficulties with social interaction and whilst not a red flag, would probably not have a relationship with that person.

I hate "females" when referring to women too, but OP did not do so. He asked for female opinions, which is fair enough.
Re. you question, OP, I wouldn't make a big deal of it at first when you meet someone, but if you feel you are getting emotionally closer with a woman and feel you can trust her, tell her then. She will probably want to know if theree are any issues. Do you have any insight into why you have not shared an intimate bond with someone so far?

IDipYouDipWeDip · 27/04/2025 15:59

BigHeadBertha · 27/04/2025 15:59

If you have the will and the means, I'd suggest losing your virginity. That resolves the issue and also would also give you more confidence about the whole thing, where you might feel a lot more confident dating in the first place. I knew a guy in your position who went to a brothel in a location where it was legal and had sex with a few different women while he was there.

Oh ffs.

BigHeadBertha · 27/04/2025 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Trallers · 27/04/2025 16:02

It would not put me off at any point and i wouldnt consider it so relevent that it needs a special mention, only if it comes up. Other things that might potentially be the reason for the virginity might send me running, but that's not the same thing (like if the reason you haven't slept with anyone is because you only sleep with supermodels and haven't found one that will have you yet, that would be off-putting, but the virginity by itself is totally fine).

Also, there are plenty of women out there who have not found anyone either and would be delighted to find a man in his 50s who she can have a mutual first experience with. It's not a bad thing in the slightest.

I'd avoid the word v-card though as that would make my toes curl with cringe!

Edited to add that I would be very put off by a man who had used a prostitute to deal with the issue of being a virgin (or for any other reason). It would be a deal breaker for me.

IDipYouDipWeDip · 27/04/2025 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nope. I won’t shut up when you’re advising purchasing a woman’s body for sex.

GreenCandleWax · 27/04/2025 16:05

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 14:27

Females is a word used to reduce the being to its sex, it can be used for any living creature but Women is what you use for adult female humans.

Stop calling human women Females reducing them to their sex parts ignoring all the other aspects of what makes them a woman and you may get somewhere.

True, but OP did not do that.

Missj25 · 27/04/2025 16:05

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 14:17

Female what?
Female cat, Female pigeon, Female spider?

Men who see WOMEN as less than equal human beings tend to use the word females as if they are a monolith, as if they are service providers for entitled men.

Using the word females to describe women is a red flag to many women, if you're using that word and still a virgin at 50 then women are picking up on your attitude to them and not selecting you for a good reason.

Didn’t know that now 🤔
it’s something I’d say , “ I’d like a male opinion “ ,
Although, I suppose, deep down I do consider women a lot superior to fuckers of men 🤣 🤣

BobbyBiscuits · 27/04/2025 16:06

I'd say it depends on how you want to stop being a virgin.
Do you want to just do it with someone willing, fairly casually, then afterwards you'll feel more confident to either do it more with them or find someone else?

Or do you want to do it with someone where it's really meaningful and ideally you'll be staying with them as a life partner?

If the latter, you should wait until you're comfortable enough with them and tell the truth. If they already really like you and see you as a great match then they should be respectful and understanding and it will hopefully be meaningful when you do it.

If the former and you'd just kind of rather get it over with so to speak, maybe just say you're very out of practice. You don't need to say you've never done it before.

GroovyChick87 · 27/04/2025 16:07

Just catching up with this thread. Why so vile to the OP?

blueleavesgreensky · 27/04/2025 16:09

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 14:27

Females is a word used to reduce the being to its sex, it can be used for any living creature but Women is what you use for adult female humans.

Stop calling human women Females reducing them to their sex parts ignoring all the other aspects of what makes them a woman and you may get somewhere.

The vast majority of women on here have no idea what you are talking about

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/04/2025 16:16

Muffinmam · 27/04/2025 15:58

Why don’t you just pay for it so it’s not such a big deal?

Maybe he’s not a sleaze?

Original poster
VinylVal · 27/04/2025 16:19

I refuse to pay for sex so let's stop talking about that.
I agree using 'V-card' is a bit naff. I don't know where I found that term but it does serve a purpose.
Maybe I just don't want to lose my virginity badly enough, hence a lack of motivation. But that's not really the point of my thread. It's broaching the status quo which is the issue.
I'm not dating or in any kind of relationship but one day I might be.

Thanks again for your kind and constructive advice.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 16:20

‘Female’ as a noun, as in ‘I work with a team of females’ = obnoxious and the hallmark of either an incel or a sexist Nigel Farageish older man at the golf club bar

’Female’ as an adjective, as in ‘I’d like to hear a female point-of-view’ or ‘the male group responded differently to the female group when questioned’ = perfectly fine and normal.

Saying ‘A female’s opinion’ or ‘some females’ opinions’ would be a red flag. Saying ‘A female opinion’ is not.

Anyway. On the subject of virginity, my advice is not to mention it in advance, but if there is any bedroom action about to happen, you could potentially explain that you don’t have much (or any?) experience and are a little bit nervous. But even then, only if you really feel you need to say something. If things seem to be progressing pretty naturally, no need to say anything.

Gassylady · 27/04/2025 16:21

Simplynotsimple · 27/04/2025 13:31

Calling women ‘females’ would be my first red flag in all honesty. Being a virgin in middle age for me would suggest high difficulties with social interaction and whilst not a red flag, would probably not have a relationship with that person.

But he also called himself male, totally do not see what you are reading into the language to object to here!

LastRoIo · 27/04/2025 16:23

I dated a guy in his late 30s who hadn't had sex since his early 20s. He'd had an embarrassing situation where he'd been drinking and couldn't get it up. The girl made fun of him and he was mortified.

As somebody who suffered from anxiety (but hid it well) he then had the same thing happen the next couple of times as he was so worried about it that it'd kill the moment for him. He then just stopped trying and settled into a routine of bachelorhood where everything else in his life was normal but he just remained single.

He had a good job, plenty of mates, some good female friends. Nothing otherwise unusual about him. Some of his friends just assumed he was secretly gay.

Had a good relationship with him for a couple of years but we had different wishes regarding having kids and I got offered a good job in a different city so we split and remained friends.

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 16:24

Female point of view here. I don’t think it’s something you need to elaborate on, l would suggest maybe say that you are not very experienced.

And you are welcome to call me female, lady, woman or girl. I’m proud of my sex and think the more men seeking a female viewpoint the better.