Charity shop disappointment

[JDM625]

NC for this.
FIL was suddenly bereaved last year. He took a huge step in sorting step MIL's clothes and checked with a charity she supported if they needed new/near new donations. FIL washed and meticulously ironed the clothes, then took to the shop on hangers.

A different person was working there. They refused the clothes and said they needed to be bagged up and not on hangers. FIL left the shop, utterly deflated and distraught.

I realise shops don't want hangers. Do staff ever wonder why clothes are being donated? I'm not even sure why I'm posting, but just feel so sorry for FIL who had been doing well, but this has really knocked him. I suggested a different charity shop but he was so upset, angry and back in his shell now.

Any words of advice appreciated on how I can support him would be appreciated.

Would he let you take them and sort it out? I took my DM’s things to my own home and sorted all that out for my stepfather. I think only time will help with his feelings and at least if he hasn’t got to worry about finding somewhere else to take the things it might help. It sounds as though they could have handled things more sensitively.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Oh gosh, I really feel for your FIL. That must have been so hard for him, to have something that was such an deeply emotional event for him to be dismissed like that. I don't think you are being unreasonable to hope that volunteers would be more considerate, but of course they are only human too.

I remember when we were clearing out our DFs house and donating things it was really comforting when the recipients were kindly and appreciative.

I haven't got any advice, just sympathy for your FIL and I hope he is able to put this behind him and find the strength to try again. Would it be worth contacting a charity in advance and explaining the situation?

Poor man.

What jumps out at me is the care he took with washing and ironing the clothes - one last loving act which I can imagine was difficult as those garments would have been so imbued with memories.

That was incredibly insensitive of the charity shop worker. I know how hard it was for my dad to pack up my mum's clothes and take them to the charity shop - it's such an emotional thing to do and it should be obvious that it's not just a "normal" donation.

I would offer to help him fold them and pack them neatly into bags (for my dad, it was important to him that they weren't just stuffed into bin bags) and take them to a different branch.

The fact that my mum's clothes raised £600 for the hospice charity that looked after her in her last days was a huge comfort to me and my dad.

That is indeed odd. I can't imagine why they did this. I'm sorry he went through that.

Oh bless him that breaks my heart a little bit 😢

Thanks everyone.

@notwavingbutsinking Would it be worth contacting a charity in advance and explaining the situation?

He did, last week! He went to the shop, spoke to the manager, checked if they needed donations and explained the situation, how step MIL had always supported their charity etc.

I can only assume that same manger wasn't working when he went in this week?

Unfortunately in my experience charity shops rely heavily on volunteers whose customer service skills vary widely. All donations should be received with thanks and a smile. How awful for your fil. I would contact the charity, he deserves a big apology.

I'm so sorry that sounds awful.💔Some people have no manners or basic courtesy or indeed emotional intelligence and professionalism. That's so tactless and this information should have been delivered with care and kindness. Wishing your FIL the very best.

That's what's got to me too. Poor, poor man.

The poor thing, my heart goes out to him. He put so much love and care into trying to pass on her things. I often wonder when I buy from charity shops if the item was loved by someone and if their family would be comforted by knowing it was appreciated in it's new home. On the other hand, I donate a lot too and it's purely a method of clearing out and my only hope is the charity get decent money for it. Even then the staff are always so grateful and nice so I think having seen the clothes in good condition on hangers it wouldn't be too much to ask to show care and appreciation.

That must have been so hard for him.

I hope you can donate them with more understanding staff. I left most of my mother's clothes with the residential home as the manager said to me to but took on a jacket I'd bought her and pyjamas.

Please write to the charity concerned and explain what happened and the distress it caused.

That’s so sad. I think you should complain to the charity.

This. So sad. Poor FIL. ❤️

Sending so much love his way. What a wonderful gesture he made with such care.

Please give your FIL a big squeeze from all of us.

As previous posters have said, the care he took to wash and iron, place on hangers should have been received with kindness. I'm sorry for his horrible experience x

I am a charity shop volunteer and I am so sorry that your fil had such a poor experience. I think his experience is a good reminder that very often people are making donations in very difficult circumstances.

That is so sad.
Sending love to your FIL.

Oh, I’m so touched to read this. Your poor dear FiL, I can just imagine him pouring love and care into washing and ironing his DW clothes only to be rejected by the shop.
Is there another branch of the charity locally?
I’d take them to another town personally.
How insensitive.
I realise staff are volunteers but surely they know to smile and thank the donors?

I’d complain on his behalf 💔

I think write to that charity shop at least so that they can have a word with the person.

How heartbreaking. My charity shop loves things on hangers!

I agree with a PP that some volunteers can be brusque but for him it must have felt like they were rejecting something so much more personal.

Definitely speak to the shop

Ah the poor man. You would think clean ironed clothes would be so much better than fusty clothes shoved in a bag🙈

This is so sad 💔
Personally I would have to go to the shop myself and give them a piece of my mind. Then I would write to the manager and complain.
If the clothes are in lovely condition perhaps you could sell them on vinted for him and give the money to charity?