Charity shop disappointment

[JDM625]

NC for this.
FIL was suddenly bereaved last year. He took a huge step in sorting step MIL's clothes and checked with a charity she supported if they needed new/near new donations. FIL washed and meticulously ironed the clothes, then took to the shop on hangers.

A different person was working there. They refused the clothes and said they needed to be bagged up and not on hangers. FIL left the shop, utterly deflated and distraught.

I realise shops don't want hangers. Do staff ever wonder why clothes are being donated? I'm not even sure why I'm posting, but just feel so sorry for FIL who had been doing well, but this has really knocked him. I suggested a different charity shop but he was so upset, angry and back in his shell now.

Any words of advice appreciated on how I can support him would be appreciated.

Sadly charity shops have become a lot like this. Staff seem to have an attitude that they are doing people a favour. Run like any other big business now. They are definitely not the places they once were.

I agree with PP re; Vinted.
We did the same and it was a great distraction with something to keep busy with. You'll be able to withdraw and donate that way. Plus you get to see they clothes going to a new home.

I am a long term volunteer in a charity shop, and I agree with your point re varying skills. However, it is up to paid staff to ensure till users have good customer service skills. There are behind the scenes roles for others. All clothing and items that could be sold in a charity shop should be gratefully received as you say, as long as they are appropriate.

Our shop cannot accept electrical items, but many charity shops do. So we would refuse those, whilst pointing out the local shops who will take them.

@JDM625 Please speak to the shop manager, your DFIL should not have had that response, it was dreadful.

Maybe he could try Anglo doorstep collections where items are collected from home? https://anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk

I found the process of things being collected from home a lot less emotional than taking them into a shop, it seemed less cold somehow. Poor man.

I had a similar experience and I complained to the charity. The member of staff was so huffy about accepting my donations; sighing and moaning about the amount they’d already received that day. Then practically lobbed the bags into the back room in a strop. I wrote and said she’d made a really hard task for me even worse, and that staff should be aware that there’s often a sad reason behind a donation, especially bags of clothes.

Was it Oxfam? I was treated very rudely by a member of their staff who inspected everything in full view of all the other customers. I've never donated to them since.

That’s awful treatment but sadly quite typical of charity shops. One of the reasons I don’t donate now.

I volunteer at a local shop. Please write and tell them of your experience. I would hate for one of our donors to be treated this way!

Oh my heart 💔
My mum passed away 2 yrs ago and my dad won’t let anything go that was hers. It used to worry me that he wasn’t accepting it but now I realise he finds comfort in reminders.
I’d go to the charity shop and complain. Try and get the date/time it happened as they would be able to deal with the appropriate person directly.

That's sad to read.

I'd rather put clothes in the bin than give them to a charity shop...

I am a longstanding charity shop volunteer and it's very easy to spot the donations which have been made after a death.

It is unusual for someone to walk into the shop with clothes on hangers which are not in a bag or a box and that perhaps threw the volunteer if they were new. Knowing that donations typically sit around in pens in the sorting room until they are sorted, the volunteer was cack-handedly trying to explain that donations have to be "protected" if you like until someone gets round to pricing and sorting them. Items are never just put straight on the shelf, someone has to assess and price them first. And no, most places don't take hangers as they have their own. There are ways and means of explaining this though, and you have to act with extra tact when it's someone clearing out a deceased relative's possessions and that clearly didn't happen - although also in my experience some people are very unrealistic about the value of their donation and whether their clothes are actually worth selling or not. Despite that, you say thanks very much and then quietly stick the stuff not worth selling in the rag bag out of sight.

This comment "I'd rather put clothes in the bin than give them to a charity shop..." is plainly ridiculous.

Why? Our shop isn’t in a very affluent area, many of our customers buy for themselves and their children, and couldn’t afford to replace clothes and shoes at brand new prices. We get uniforms from a local school, we steam the logo’d blazers and sell them at a fraction of the new prices. I’d much rather see clothing (and other items) recycled than just discarded.

If people don’t approve of charity shops, clothing banks have grown at the side of some foodbanks as an alternative way to recycle.

Good explanation @SnoozingFox 👍🏽

This is so, so sad, but unfortunately some charity shops, and some volunteers are not blessed with customer service skills and even worse some make you feel a nuisance. I've been round a few donating myself and there are some I just won't return to despite being a favoured charity of my late parents.
I actually live close to a charity shop whose reputation has spread wide due to excellent customer service, and they do seem to do really well with both donations and sales so it really works for them. They have a presence of a paid manager too though all the time so not sure if this makes a difference to service. It's the only place I have seen a donation of beautifully pressed clothes on hangers and I thought it amazing she cared so much and took this trouble and I thought too this was driven by the shop's reputation. Anyway these were gratefully received and saved on steaming of course, so your volunteer was I think just unable to think outside instructions, but far worse had no concept of customer care for the donor.
I would write to the charity, but some don't seem to care too much, so maybe don't be too hopeful - donations after selling may be a possibility?

Why? Not all charity shops are like this one. Why waste good clothes and someone else can love them instead?

What a horrible attitude to have.

Also just to add - not every shop has a paid manager. The shop where I volunteer now (which is part of a big charity everyone will have heard of) is entirely volunteer led.

That's unusual then.

In the past charity shops would be helpful to those who were struggling financially in a local community. Now they are run more like corporate businesses. The prices of things in charity shops in my local area is absolutely laughable. Not a posh area by the way! Primark stuff selling for nearly as much as it's sold for new.

Yes the concept of giving them to someone who needs them is a good one. I'd happily hand things over directly to a person who needs them and cut out the charity shop. But charity shops are no longer for the poor...

That's very sad. It must have been a volunteer who wasn't aware of the circumstances.

Of course they need to be bagged, they are then sorted, stored then steamed when needed

And what is for the poor? Vinted is a waste of time and effort. I would rather my clothes go to local charity shops, they price things reasonably instead of these big national ones.

I would complain to this shop. What arseholes.

This.

That was really insensitive of the volunteer. Why did they think an older man was donating a bunch of women’s clothes? It doesn’t take much to work it out.

I knew a woman who volunteered at a charity shop and she said she noticed it was son’s bringing in their Mother’s old things who were most visibly upset. So she was sensitive to the fact that people donated after losing loved ones

That’s awful and I’m sorry that happened to you.

Did the charity respond to your letter?

I buy everything I can in charity shops, all of the curtains in my house are from them and all of mine and my kids clothes as well as little ornaments to make the house more homely, cushions and kitchen items. They are a God send. Yes, charity shops’ primary role is to make money for the charity, but this popular idea on here that they aren’t an absolute Godsend for those of us struggling on low incomes is nonsense. They saved me an absolute fortune and I’d still be in a much colder house, leaking heat out of the windows, without them.

I volunteered at a large cancer charity briefly.
My induction was done by a person in their late teens and didn't touch on customer service at all; it was mostly about manual handling.
Time and again people would give items and with a little thought you realised they were giving them following a death.
I often offered a hug and had a chat with people, usually in the car park to thank them and talk a little about the person who had died, but this is not part of the training/process etc. On occasions I was told off for the amount of time I spent 'chatting'

OP I am so sorry this happened.