Charity shop disappointment

[JDM625]

NC for this.
FIL was suddenly bereaved last year. He took a huge step in sorting step MIL's clothes and checked with a charity she supported if they needed new/near new donations. FIL washed and meticulously ironed the clothes, then took to the shop on hangers.

A different person was working there. They refused the clothes and said they needed to be bagged up and not on hangers. FIL left the shop, utterly deflated and distraught.

I realise shops don't want hangers. Do staff ever wonder why clothes are being donated? I'm not even sure why I'm posting, but just feel so sorry for FIL who had been doing well, but this has really knocked him. I suggested a different charity shop but he was so upset, angry and back in his shell now.

Any words of advice appreciated on how I can support him would be appreciated.

They are just volunteers that work in the shops mainly. Some will have learning or communication challenges like autism. So it's good to try again.

That's very wasteful. Not all charity shops are like that. I mainly donate to The Salvation Army now and when my Dad died most of his things went to a local charity near him and furniture went to the hospice shop.

What a shame for your poor FIL.
On a similar but not personal / emotional theme we had two oak dining chairs, good quality but not in fashion so took a photo in to ask if they wanted them and were told yes. Took them in and a different person was very unhappy and only grudgingly accepted them when told we’d asked in advance.

Yes, they sent an apology letter.

Please remember hangers mean paying ti have them taken away - charity shops have to pay commercial rates for waste. Neatly folded in bags are always appreciated but we cannot take items on hangers, we would offer bags to put them in though

I find things are much cheaper on vinted than in charity shops. I saw a pair of Primark boots in my local charity shop for £18! I struggle to believe they even cost that new. And a carvela handbag for £25...I've seen them for a fiver on vinted. But I remember in the 1980s growing up charity shops were to help people in need...buy that's not the case nowadays. We have lots of cheap brand new clothing available to buy and platforms like vinted and eBay.

Well I don't find things cheaper at all. Years ago I walked past a charity shop...my DD was a toddler...I saw a little set of Dora the explorer books...I thought the price tage said £2. I thought, that's a sweet set, I'll get them for DD. Went in to buy them and I had misread the price tag...£20! Even the woman working in the shop said they wouldn't sell for that much.

No overheads on Vinted, people are selling their own items for themselves, no costs involved. Of course large charities want to make money for research etc., and I agree, some prices are OTT. However, anything too expensive just won’t sell! But if there were no bargains, we’d have no customers. I bought a summer dress, mid range, the other day for less than a fiver.

Your poor FIL, that’s got to me, bless him.

Some of the charity shop workers in my town are as rude as hell. I won’t be donating to the Mind one again after I was sent away with a flea in my ear after I tried to donate three bags of really good stuff. The girl behind the till went and fetched the manager and she pretty much bellowed, “Nope, can’t accept any more. Everyone’s had the same idea and had a clear out.”

Bloody Mind! You think they of all others might have some sensitivity training 😳

Poor man, that is very sad and upsetting. The volunteers need training about this so I’d write to the charity HQ about it.
I think they get the piss taken with people donating rubbish and ignoring their systems but obviously this was not the case this time.

If I get an ungrateful reaction in a charity shop I don't take anything there again. Fortunately this hasn't happened for a few years. Tell your fil that this isn't an uncommon occurrence. But I agree with complaining because the shop actually refused the items for no good reason.

In my area a lot of charity shops are staffed by people with learning difficulties, mental health problems or have been told to get work experience. It does mean that sometimes their customer service skills are not the best. Could you call the shop and explain what happened to the manager so that at least the staff member can be taught why they need to be a little more sympathetic?

I do find charity shops in my area act as if they don’t want your donations and turn people away a lot. It’s happened to me and maybe the staff don’t realise it can take some effort to actually get to the shop with the stuff.

On the other hand I donated a bag full of clothes the other day and while I was in the shop another three people came in with donations in about five minutes. Maybe they had a whole day like that and ended up turning people away.

I do feel for your fil. My mother donated all my father’s clothes to an organisation who come and collect them from your home. Can he do something like that and you can help him bag it all up?

On the other hand I donated a bag full of clothes the other day and while I was in the shop another three people came in with donations in about five minutes. Maybe they had a whole day like that and ended up turning people away.

That's probably exactly what happened. Our sorting room is very small, probably the size of a bedroom in an average house. A few large donations and we're overwhelmed, especially as the rags are only taken away once a week. We often end up storing bags waiting to be collected in the staff loo, which is not ideal. However, there are ways and means to explain that to people.

Poor FIL, I really feel for him. There’s something really gutting about having stuff rejected by charity shop staff at the best of times, and when you’re bereaved and taking your loved one’s stuff it must be 100 times worse.

i live in an area with a lot of charity shops and most are lovely but there’s one where the staff are so rude and mean. Unfortunately it’s the only one that takes furniture/large item so I do still donate to it but they will almost sneer and tell you they “dont accept x’ when you can see x right there in the shop. OK they don’t want another x or whatever but it’s awful when you have cleaned things up and made the effort to take them.

I agree the staff should be trained to be sensitive. The one with mean staff in my area is a Christian charity!

I know that charities are overwhelmed with donations and it's very expensive to deal with it. They also get a lot of really skanky stuff too. Your FIL obviously knows this, and went to great effort to make sure this wasn't the case. It must have been a real emotional blow to him to be treated like this and I would be making a very strong complaint to the shop manager. It makes me really sad that he was shown so little compassion and respect. Completely unacceptable.

We have all been treated like dirt, or worse, by charity shop workers one time or another I'm afraid.

So sorry for what happened to your FIL.
Instead of donating to a charity shop have you considered donating to your local care home. I never even thought about doing this until recently. My MIL had to go into a care home a few weeks ago, whilst I was sorting out her clothes I mentioned to one of the carers that I was going to the charity shop because she had far too many clothes. The carer asked if we had anything to fit "Doris and Ethel" because they hardly have any clothes.

There are some people in care homes that have no family, so don't have anyone to buy them new clothes. From now on I will always ask if the care homes want the clothes before giving them to a charity shop. Age appropriate clothing only though.

I tend to agree with this , although i would remain polite and eloquent i would get my point across.
Of course we need volunteers in all kinds of settings but there does seem to be quite a few sharp thoughtless busybodies out there.

I’d call and ask to speak to the manager .
Explain what happened maybe a call from
then to fil would do the trip .

There's also ReDonate; they collect.
https://redonate.uk/

I am actually tearing up a bit thinking of my late Mum & Dad maybe doing that - what a horrible experience.

I agree that sometimes charity shop staff/volunteers can have limited communication skills but even so that’s a shocker.

I would be tempted to email a complaint myself.

When FIL spoke to the manager, he asked if he could bring the ironed clothes in on hangers. The manager said yes and was aware of this.

Unfortunately, the person serving on the day was different. I'm aware they might have had additional needs or been a volunteer with limited customer service training etc.

No, it wasn't oxfam. FIL has hung them up again and doesn't want to discuss going elsewhere, vinted, door step collections. IF I can find out the exact shop, I will try speaking to the manager. Thank you everyone.

I really doesn't take much to speak in a manner that makes other people feel valued and respected. I suppose this the sort of situation where hashtag be kind really does apply.

I'm sorry. He must be so hurt.

Honestly I'd just put it aside for now. This has clearly dragged up again all his grief about losing his wife, I'd just make sure he knows that when he's ready, you're here to help in any way he'd wish, keep open lines of communication, and then just take a step back.

I’m as hard as they come but my word this has got me 😢