How do you internally validate yourself rather then getting external validation

[GonzoParker]

like how do you do it ?

I know myself and trust my own judgement.

Very interesting question
I struggle, frankly.

Yes but how did to get to that stage

By being convinced that the vast majority of people are idiots so their opinion is of no consequence to me

Living, observing, learning from others experiences such as here. And exactly what @Hoppinggreen said, I know I’m smarter than the average bear.

I guess you need to concider your personal values, eg honesty, integrity, fun, independence, community, service family, friends. And see if your actions and thoughts align with these values.

Repeat reassuring phrases to myself(iny head) , eg "I am a good person"

The need for external validation can be to counter internal self-sabotage. So I think that the first step towards not needing external validation is actively being pleased with whatever it is that you have done, instead of slapping yourself down for the (perceived!) arrogance of being proud of yourself.

Tell yourself you're good. Tell yourself that was a beautiful/clever/helpful/constructive/satisfying/chips your positive description meal you cooked/thing you did/shirt you wear etc. actively tell yourself. Quitely or out loud. Spoken or written. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself - then move on without checking for wrinkles or bristles, or tidying your clothes, or smoothing your hair, or trying to perfect yourself in any way. Remind yourself that you're good, you're ok just the way you are.

No buts or shoulds. Give yourself a break from them at least twice a day.

Reflect on things- think back frequently and regularly. Did you make good decisions with what you knew at the time? Did you act decently/ wisely/ with integrity? What are your moral values and do you strive to live them in daily life?

Do you then learn when things go wrong or you didn't do something as you would have liked to ? or when you do something that has bad consequences- for you or others?

Reflect and learn. Then you can demonstrate to yourself that you're a decent/competent/ thoughtful person.

Then, over time, you just gradually develop awareness of, and confidence in, your own abilities and judgements and don't need other people to validate you.

Age and experience goes a long way. As we gain more life experiences we get to know ourselves better (and also know other people better). I am much more confident of my abilities and have more confidence in myself at age 46 than I did 10 years ago. I've just secured a new job with a good pay rise, and felt confident throughout the application and interview process as I know I am capable.

Validating yourself is important. Saying the words "I am loved" to yourself is very powerful. If you haven't done this, try it. If you do something you're proud of, tell yourself "I am proud of myself". Positive self talk is good for us.

Well, my internal voice is that of my critical mother. So I'm f'ed either way!!!

You develop a set of core beliefs by getting to know yourself and reflecting on your behaviour.

For example, you act with integrity and to the best of your ability. You know that you have acted with integrity and done your best, therefore other people's opinions aren't important.

Is there something specific OP making you question this.

I am someone who uses no SM or anything public and identifiable to me. I use MN. I now can't understand how people can cope with the fake soul crushing emptiness ofposting pictures and chasing likes etc. I think that doesn't help.

I always find my greatest advances are when I spend time entirely alone with no others. Understanding your weak vulnerable areas and how they came about is helpful.

Identify your values and ethics, and then try your best to live in accordance with them daily, and then give yourself credit for this daily until your perspective of yourself changes for the better. This will the help you to think and feel better about yourself. For example, a vegan working in an abbatoire won't feel great about themselves. Someone who values simplicity won't feel great living an overfull life. Someone who values community, or politics, or religion, or whatever, can find ways to take part in that. But they don't have to all be big or grand things - one of mine is an uncluttered, reasonably clean home.

The practice of things I'm good at and enjoy, and even get paid for. Look up ikigai.

Now that I'm older, I realise that some of the things that I most like about myself are things that other people (including previous partners) have tried to criticise me for and make me feel bad about. Like enjoying my own company, for example.

The problem is if your validation comes from external factors, if you aren’t getting the validation, then your self worth is tied up in that and it makes you feel crap. So better for it to be able to come from within. (Easier said than done and it takes time).

Same ! I never realised internal voice effected this so much

Trying to be be sucked in by a bullshitterwith attention trying to lead you astray
Bullshitter using a lot of flattery etc

Trying not to that should read

being aware of both my good points and my weaknesses, recognising that I’m not perfect and just because I make a mistake it doesn’t mean I’m bad, it means I’m human. Learning that I can’t control other people’s choices or behaviour, only my own. I’m comfortable with taking accountability and apologising when I mess up. Not a single one of us is perfect, and people who go about being unpleasant about others, it isn’t an indicator of the person they are insulting, it’s an indicator of THEM and their own insecurities. I don’t need other peoples approval. I have my own.

This. Plus what most people think and do a lot of the time makes no sense so why would you want to be the same as them?

Oh, and another very important one, I know not everyone will like me but I don’t give a stuff who does and who doesn’t. This is who I am and I know I’m loved by those who matter and I have no doubt I’ll meet others through the rest of my life who like/love me for who I am so I don’t feel the need to seek validation from anyone or adopt a pick me attitude, those who are meant to be in my life will find me.

Well you've recognised the bullshitter.

It's within you to rid yourself of the bullshit.

I spent years in a relationship where being called a cunt had no meaning. I was one. Apparently.

I was young and not strong enough at all. Dealing with my own internal critiscm plus the external. It near destroyed me.

It comes with experience. I won't say age.
It also comes from learning. Learning to love yourself, to trust yourself, to enjoy yourself.
Never lose yourself.

Concentrate on building your confidence. Push your own boundaries. Even if it's a tweak and not a shove.
Trust your gut.
Work on your self esteem.