What would you think if your mum never calls you or visits?

[Yellowrosesin]

Like what wouldn’t think or how would you react?

i guess, I react by just seeing much less of her

Ive realised - eventually - that our feelings, and the depth of feeling, for our parents when we are adult is formed by how they acted towards us. Generally we are kind and committed to the parents who were kind and committed to us. Distance or unkindness tends to create sad, distant feelings. It is not our fault, it is a simple pragmatic personal response to how they were as parents.

I hope that you can allow yourself to not feel guilty. It's hard. Sadness, yes, a yearning for what could have been if they had been different people and willing / able to be more loving. But be gentle on yourself, @Sewfrickinamazeballs If you don't miss her, even though you want to, it's for a reason.

It's not just me then. Not seen my mother since well before covid. Have been asked not to call because she doesn't want me to. Told not to visit and she has never replied to my messages

She's not especially "cold", although not warm, no abuse as such (although I still have no idea why she raised her hand to me as a kid), there's just nothing there. Never has been. She's close to my sister and her kids though

She's now getting frail and I've been trying to get my head around whether I ought to do anything. No idea

@Yellowrosesin my mum is like this. She lives 5 mins away by car. She takes my daughter to school on Mondays and that's the only time we see her. It honestly upsets me. We have had many discussions about it and nothing changes.

She's there if I ever need her in terms of looking after my children if I'm ever stuck but other than that I've come to accept it

Luckily I'm super close with my dad and see him most days