What would you think if your mum never calls you or visits?

[Yellowrosesin]

Like what wouldn’t think or how would you react?

i guess, I react by just seeing much less of her

Yeah I just feel like I wanna move on from it now
oerhoas that won’t fully happen till she’s not here anymore tho? Harsh as that sounds

perhaps then you can just put it in the past? Or perhaps that actually makes it feel even harder

i do fully accept she’s never going to change and isn’t a nice person

Why do you send them money tho ?

I have imagined many times how I will feel once my mum has passed and while obviously there will be some sadness I'm sure the overwhelming feeling will be one of relief. It's been a lot of hard work and I've had to do so much for her wirh so little in return. I've felt like an orphan my whole life really because she was never there to turn to and would always want to make me feel bad for everything I did.

Because they’ve screwed up their finances and can’t make ends meet without it. I earn more than my brother and stepsiblings. If I don’t send money then no-one else will.

Really hope that’s how it feels, a relief

mad how this kinda stuff can affect you even into adulthood

Can’t they downsize or anything ?

My mum is like this and then complains that I don't call/visit when I decide to see if she will get in contact. She drives past my road house regularly but never stops by. I now just text and try not to feel guilty.

I’ve definitely wasted too much time on her
even just mental head space like now talking about her and thinking about this

No. They released most of the equity in their house years ago, without telling anyone, to pay for holidays, early retirement and then to install a stair lift and bath hoist.

There is only any interaction with my mother because I contact her.

She never ever contacts me. Lives about a 10 minute walk away.

When I do contact her, the contact is all about her.

I say hello, I say goodbye, other than that, not a single word passes my lips because she asks nothing, enquires not at all after her grandchildren and has zero interest in me or my life.
She is nasty, bitter, angry and self absorbed.

There is just no point to any of it.

For this reason, I have stepped away.

My next contact will be a sibling letting me know she has died. Could be years away.

I have no feelings about it.

Mil never phones. She will sometimes email DH to tell him how many weeks it was since he phoned her. He tells me phones work in 2 directions but I don't know if he tells her that. He'll then give her a ring a couple of days later.

Sometimes he'll ring if I prompt him.

I like the idea of a functional relationship with a mother. Mine died years ago and was in palliative care from when I was mid-teens so I didn't invest in that relationship.

Mil can be vile to me so I don't phone her.

Oh no, so they might not have much if they end up in a care home then

If I was in your situation i wouldn’t prompt him

My mum isn’t someone I hear from much. She never visits and rarely calls. I see her once a week though at her house but I would never expect an invite. She’s quite a private person but she’s very kind. It doesn’t bother me much because I’m not needy either and can go weeks before I realise I’ve not caught up with someone. I also know if I really needed her like in an emergency, she would be there. She just isn’t chatty.

I have a good laugh with her when I see her, but I don’t have an emotional relationship where I’d share my deeper feelings. I like this set up. I was a middle child and loved that the focus wasn’t on me very much, I could do what I pleased.

One of my siblings feels our mum is distant and uninterested though and it hurts her. I think it depends your personality and if your mum is a nice person when you do see her, even if you don’t see her much.

I could count the number of times my mum visited and have fingers left. She's not with us any more so that's it.

It was easier for my parents home to be the "hub" and my sisters' families would gather there as well.

My mother never bothers to contact me. If I contact her I get one word responses and she clearly doesn’t want to engage. I’m very LC anyway. She lost interest in me when I was no longer available for her to abuse (growing up she was hateful to me emotionally and physically and treated my siblings nicely). I think as soon as she lost that power over me she became totally disinterested

Well mine is dead so, relieved.

That resonates
I’ve never thought of it that way before

I know this on harsh question but in her final years where you hoping for when this would happen ?

@Yellowrosesin well I had a complicated relationship with her, it has improved since her death.

My mum rarely contacts me. She doesn't need to, my Dsibling lives down the road. I've given up hoping they might be interested in my life or my DC's. When they do see my DC they spend the whole time telling them what they've been doing with DN's, where they've taken them and what they've bought them. Also telling them how well DN's are doing at school and what careers they're planning, yet never asking DC's anything. I'm used to it now, but it's hard explaining it to DC's.

isn’t that odd, why on Earth do they do that and why are people so odd !!

Maybe because she can and she's kind.

That she’s not interested in me but then she never has been so it’s not new news for me.

If you find a book please lend it me!