Do you think 15 years age difference is too much?

[cheekycee]

my ex is 44 and I am 29. When we met I was 25 and him 40. Now I have stepped away it came to me that he could literally have a child my age. Is it weird? I didn’t really feel weird when with him although he was ALOT older than me in attitude in some senses (music taste etc). Just wondering - is it weird? Or is it “acceptable” do you think. Curious for opinions :)

I had the same gap. There was a massive power imbalance which led to a very unhealthy, abusive and long marriage. When I eventually saw the light after a life changing event, and started pushing back a bit in my late forties, it all unravelled within a couple of years.

You are misquoting yourself, which is odd.

You didn’t say “I would feel uncomfortable talking to my friend about that”

You said (to quote you again):

Ah yes, better to never have been born than to have an older than average dad.

I responded to the words you wrote. HTH.

I think it's fine in the middle of those ranges .
15 and 30 not good for obvious reasons, 60 and 75 is going to be potentially hard on the 60 year old who may well end up as a long term carer whilst still having to work as well.

I believe it’s outlook on life which is more important than age. If a couple have that and similar values It’s an ideal start

Depends on how you get on with each other. There is a 9 year age gap between my DH and I, he is older and we have been together 27 years. However, I would not feel comfortable in a relationship if an age gap was too large. The main reason being that you are going to be at different life stages such as one person much older and possibly in declining health whilst the other is still relatively young.

Hmm. It’s more than I would be happy with. There’s 8 year between me and DH and I wouldn’t go for a bigger gap. This is really the limit for me. But if you’re both adults and you’re happy then you do you.

A girl age 30 I worked with hooked up with a 52 year old (left his wife and teen dd). They appeared to be blissful and want a baby together.

It's fine while you're still young(ish). My friend's husband is 14 years older than she is, and now that she's nearing 80, and he's 95, things are hard for her. He is quite frail and has vascular dementia which affects his strength and balance, and she is struggling to look after both of them. My daughter had a boyfriend 14 years older than her when she was in her teens, and while he was very nice, and I would never have tried to dissuade her, I admit to being glad that it didn't last, and she's now married to a man only 3 years older.

It's absolutely fine. Not creepy or grooming if that's what you were thinking, but there are issues that are unique to large age-gap relationships, and you may be able to identify them clearly now. I met my husband when I was 24 and he was 41, so was mire than old enough. If the younger person is still a teenager then i would say it's inappropriate.

Everyone citing health reasons on here - would you date someone your own age who had a chronic illness and was likely to “age” faster, so to speak? Please take this question as it’s intended, as genuine curiosity - not a strawman relating to the original and separate question!

Relationships finish for all sorts of reasons: boredom, cheating, addiction, abuse etc You could be the same age and still split up.

If you're happy and he treats you well then I wouldn't worry about it.

In all honesty, no. If you are already in a relationship/in love with someone who develops a serious illness, then that’s different, but I don’t think that many people with options would deliberately set themselves up for life as a carer. It would be extremely limiting on your life.

@MidnightMeltdown what she said!

Friend of mine was 30 when she met the man she eventually married. He was 50, a widower and had 3 grown children. They were together for 20 years until he unfortunately died, and the age difference just never seemed to be a thing. I never thought about his age, they were just a couple like any other. Her parents were fine with it.They had many friends and acquaintances and I'm assuming most of them felt the same as me. I'm sure it very much depends upon the attitudes of the people around you though.

Very young like 18/33 or 20/35 is weird to me as it feels like such a disparity in life experience and there will likely be a “power” for want of a better word imbalance.

Middle section of life, not so much.

Then again it gets weird to me for older stage of life - a sprightly 55 year old is not going to have much fun with a 70 year old. We enter “nurse with a purse” territory there where the older one (usually men but not always) want a caring figure rather than an equal partner.

It wouldn’t be the ideal for me in any way.

Ummm OP says in her opening post that he’s an ex so noooooo ……

I knew of a male who at 40ish married a 27 year old woman who was also very keen to start a family. He already had 2 kids from first failed marriage.

They “tried” for quite a few years … until she insisted on tests and then discovered he’d had a vasectomy … he didn’t want more kids but wanted the sex. They divorced, predictably, due to his betrayal of her trust.

Hes now on his third marriage with a foreign lady who looks young enough to be his grand daughter, it’s very very grim.