Do you think 15 years age difference is too much?

[cheekycee]

my ex is 44 and I am 29. When we met I was 25 and him 40. Now I have stepped away it came to me that he could literally have a child my age. Is it weird? I didn’t really feel weird when with him although he was ALOT older than me in attitude in some senses (music taste etc). Just wondering - is it weird? Or is it “acceptable” do you think. Curious for opinions :)

I don't really see it as a problem but when one retires at 67 the other would be 82 thats when it would make a difference.

These threads always go the same way.

you get the posters who think it’s a bad idea saying ‘it’s fine at 30&50, not so much at 60&80’

and then everyone who is fine with it and has done it saying ‘well it’s worked for us. We’re 30 and 50 now and he is the best thing since sliced bread’

we’re sure it is.

has anyone ever responded on one of these threads to say ‘we’re 60 and 80 now and it’s absolutely wonderful’ ?

i hope his friends, you, have cautioned him to stop thinking just with his dick and ego, and actually consider other people. Say he has a baby at what 55. That’s a 15 yr old at 70. Is that fair on them? That’s a uni age child at 75, he obviously have to still be working to pay uni fees. It’s a level of selfishness and entitlement - I want that right now so that’s what I’m gonna have - that I just can’t fathom.

My own experience is a 10 year difference between my dh and me. I love him and wouldn't change my choices but the age difference matters more as you get older. He is 70 and I am 60 and I feel that while he will be quite old soon, I won't be. But I will need to live at his pace if you see what I mean.

Its not that it's weird if you loved him you loved him thats fine you were both adults when you met . But my DH is just 6 years older hes 70 and Im 64 and I do notice the age difference now at this stage of life so a15 year gap would be very difficult. I just mean be wary . I feel like I have plenty of life left to enjoy . You dont want to be tied to an old man.

Of course we haven’t. I wouldn’t dream of being so presumptuous and rude and I’m confident he’s capable of basic maths without my help.

I wouldn’t call it presumptuous nor rude to actually advocate for a potential child who can’t for themselves, when a person is too selfish to consider other people and see it for themselves.

My partner is 11 years older than me and the age difference is becoming more apparent and more of an issue as we age. He is becoming Victor Meldrew wants to
go nowhere do nothing and complains constantly. Hes 62.

I had a similar gap with my daughter’s father. It became a massive problem later on when he had nothing in common with my friends, started to want to just stay in and watch tv. We ended up with absolutely nothing in common and the relationship ended. Now he’s heading towards 70 and I’m in my 50’s, I’m glad we’re not together to be honest.

15yr gap here. Married 10+ years and multiple DC. Met when I was early 20s , him late 30s.

I'd be a liar if I said there weren't down sides to be with someone older - there is. But there's also many pros. When I was younger, I had always been attracted to older men so it was inevitable I was going to end up with one.

I don't think it's pervy if the younger person is in their 20s - a fully fledged adult. My DH had way more concerns and hang ups about it than I did.

I think it's eyebrow raising if the younger person is in their (of legal age obviously )teens.

Ah yes, better to never have been born than to have an older than average dad.

Yes. I am spending my last active years caring for my DH who is11 years older and suffering from dementia. I know life can bring the unexpected but I think there's a reason it's usually an older man with younger, fitter woman. I don’t recommend it.

A girl I work with is 37, her partner is 73

she is very naive - never lived on her own, never been responsible for paying her own bills. Has no idea about being independent. He is an ex teacher. She has some mental health issues with anxiety and depression. She also doesn’t have any friends outside of her relationship. She comes to work and we are the only people she sees except for him. From the outside it’s an odd relationship

Yes. I dated someone with a similar age gap when I was 25. Looking back, I was nowhere near as mature as I thought I was at that age, and he was controlling. They now say that your brain doesn’t fully mature until you hit your early 30s.

What an odd thing to say. Hundreds of thousands of children are “not born” every day.

For me it’s a no. They can suddenly age very rapidly when they hit around 65 or 70. Lots of ailments and slowing down tremendously. Not all men - but many. Then you’ll be still in life’s prime and wanting to do lots of things or worse still have kids that you don’t want to be distracted from helping and nurturing together.

Same age gap but post menopause I’m the decrepit one.
He’s still working in a physical job and looks great for his age.

I still find it weird that some if his first experience's like buying a car or going to a festival were when I was in primary school …

Yes I agree that it’s difficult to see the age gap issue when you are the younger partner. When you’re in your 20s you think that you’re ‘all grown up’ and ‘an adult’ (as if some fundamental change happens in your biology when you turn 18).

In reality, there’s an enormous difference between a young adult with only a few years of adult life experience, and a mature adult in their 40s. You only realise this as you head towards your 40s yourself, and look back at the 20 somethings.

What’s special about reaching 25? 25 is still VERY young compared to a 40 year old.

This is very true and it’s why I have to wonder what these older men really see in their 20-something partner. That’s not to say there is anything amiss with their development for a twenty-something, I’m sure it’s lovely to chat with them at a social function, but, as life partners, the gap in maturity must feel very sort of “empty” for someone in their 40’s.

HA 😂

My db (mid-late 30s) is dating an 18yo and cannot understand why I have an issue with it.

My dd is almost 18

Your brain reaches full maturity around mid 20s.

So that justifies someone telling another adult that they shouldn’t have children? I am absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would think this was an appropriate way to act.

Wrong. People don’t become full adults until their 30s

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-47622059

Anyway, the point is, nothing magical happens at 25 that suddenly makes you a suitable match for 40 year old.