Page 5 | Be honest, how do you feel when somebody tells you they’re going on holiday on their own?

Zippityjumpingbean · 2025-04-07T12:00:52+00:00

So, I suppose this is vaguely inspired by the thread about the lady volunteering at a festival in her van, also inspired by the fact that I have just booked my first Solo holiday in 14 years (since before DC were born) I’m ridiculously excited about it and I love holidaying alone but the first person I told about about it I got the sympathetic head tilt and “I’m sure you’ll still have fun though” So , be honest, if you hear about somebody holidaying alone how does it make you feel? Do you honestly feel a bit sad/sorry for them even if you don’t voice it?

Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 14:21

No, I don't feel sad/sorry for them because I've holidayed alone and I love it.I also holiday with relatives/friends, so it's not like it's because I don't have anyone to go with. I

know someone who's been all over the world on their own, goes on big 4-5 week trips, been to every continent including Antarctica, visiting all sorts of interesting places, and I'm in awe of that.

Does depend on the context though. Obviously if someone's going alone but would rather have a companion but can't cos circumstances, then yes, I'd be sorry for them.

nodramaplz · 07/04/2025 14:23

I feel sorry for them that they are so lonely and wonder why they’ve no friends.
there’s usually a reason. Unsociable.
that’s only in my experience and probably not a rule for everyone.

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:23

Greywarden · 07/04/2025 13:59

I think 'good for them' and feel jealous as I used to love my solo holidays and the sense of total freedom.

That said... when I used to go alone other people did act like it was a bit pathetic and like there must be something wrong with me. Occasionally I sensed a bit of this from staff at places I stayed, taxi drivers etc.

People say it doesn't matter, just do what you want etc and I totally agree with that in principle but I think it's ok to acknowledge that actual emotions might be more complex. We all worry about other people's judgements to some extent I think, even if we're 'past that' to differing degrees.

I'd also say that solo holidaying is like any new experience - it might not come easily at first and you sort of have to build up your comfort with it and ways of approaching it. I have a young DC now and have noticed I feel quite exposed and flustered when I'm out in public without her (unless I'm at work) - it's as though I've lost the 'facing the world on my own terms' muscle and need to build it back up! I remember dealing with some awkward things as a solo traveller, which I tried to deal with in the following ways:

feeling like it was all a bit pointless with no one to share it with - dealt with this by taking lots of photos and writing in a diary each night, also mindfulness exercises to help me focus on the here and now;
drifting about without purpose as no one else would suffer if I didn't stick to my plans - dealt with this by planning quite structured things like seeing landmarks as part of a circular walk so that I had to keep going; ambitious itineraries of sightseeing; booking onto walking tours where feasible (I then had to go the other way as found I was turning my holidays into military operations without much room for spontaneity!);
feeling a bit lonely, especially when eating out - dealt with by arranging natters with friends some nights, bringing a book to restaurants; doing more stuff like fish n chips overlooking sunset rather than sitting indoors to eat.
conversely: getting stuck with people who latched on to me when they realised I was a solo traveller - either in a creepy way or just trying to share my company because they were bored or lonely themselves; asking lots of questions etc - dealt with my putting up my 'armour' by walking confidently and quickly or always having my book to hand; telling people firmly that I'm enjoying my own company.

Good on you for booking the holiday. I hope you have a great time and will emphasise again how fabulous I think solo travel is.

Thanks for that post @Greywardenall really interesting and helpful.

I think the “getting stuck with people” definitely resonates, I don’t at all mind making new friends but you do sometimes meet couples/groups who feel like they are doing a good deed by including you, when in fact it becomes a bit awkward all round.

I also get the bit about feeling odd out and about without your dd and wonder if this is, in part, behind my question.

i used to have tons of confidence and ability to to things on my own but what if i lost it when i gave birth (or in the intervening 14 years??)

I’m sure I haven’t though and it’ll be a great holiday!

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JustGettingStarted · 07/04/2025 14:28

I think going with someone is fine so long as they're OK with splitting up for a while. I wanted to go into the Atlas Mountains for a day and my friend just wanted to sunbathe by the pool. We did our own things no worries.

If he'd been clingy and needy I wouldn't have liked having him there. As it was we had fun.

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:28

nodramaplz · 07/04/2025 14:23

I feel sorry for them that they are so lonely and wonder why they’ve no friends.
there’s usually a reason. Unsociable.
that’s only in my experience and probably not a rule for everyone.

I have a friend who sounds very similar to you in outlook, super sociable, lots of friends and always part of a couple (hates being single) she also would look at people on their own and assume they’re lonely.
do you not ever think that maybe some people like being alone?

(she once told me she could never be friends with somebody who hadn’t had a relationship longer than 2 years because there was something suspicious about them)

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Fibrous · 07/04/2025 14:29

I go on holiday on my own. Why not? I’ve had some of my best holidays on my own. I have a partner and friends but not all holidays require either, and I’d prefer to go alone on those.

I also travel a lot for work on my own, so I’m well used it it. Never had anyone look at me in sympathy in restaurants in the decades I’ve been doing it.

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 14:29

@nodramaplz maybe they are avoiding people like you!

Mushroomoyster · 07/04/2025 14:30

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Cynic17 · 07/04/2025 14:31

I admire them. I may also be jealous!
But I often go on holiday on my own - why wouldn't I?

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:31

JustGettingStarted · 07/04/2025 14:28

I think going with someone is fine so long as they're OK with splitting up for a while. I wanted to go into the Atlas Mountains for a day and my friend just wanted to sunbathe by the pool. We did our own things no worries.

If he'd been clingy and needy I wouldn't have liked having him there. As it was we had fun.

This happened on the last holiday I went on with a friend, she would text me in the morning to make breakfast plans and we spent every day together until bed time.
she was nice and we didn’t fall out to be fair but I was glad of my own space when I got home.

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Pandimoanymum · 07/04/2025 14:32

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 07/04/2025 13:15

I got the sympathetic head tilt and “I’m sure you’ll still have fun though”

Many, MANY, people, especially women in my experience, simply cannot comprehend doing things alone. Thing like what was said are not reflection on you, but the person saying it. Especially since you are excited!

Women are generally underestimating other women imho. DH worked abroad for 6 months, the amount of horrified "omg aren't you scared being at home alone?", "but what if something breaks when he is gone?" 😱 from women was unreal. Women live by themselves just fine in real life like women go on holidays themselves and have fun in real life!

You are just deviating from what many people know, do, and think should be norm, and so you will get some weird reactions.

Enjoy your holidays!

I blame Shirley Valentine.
The thought that I might have to spend my time being pitied by other hotel guests and constantly invited to join them when I absolutely do not want to was what put me off when I was young.
I also don't get the being afraid to be in the house alone when partner is away. It's ridiculous-I'm divorced, I don't have a choice, but it never bothered me before that either😂

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 14:32

Yeah I feel sad for them they don't have the "right" person to go on holiday with. I've been on holiday with a lot of different people but only my partner doesn't annoy me on holiday, and it's much more fun having these shared memories and experiences with someone else.

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:32

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I am single now, yes and she has expressed it to me in the past. Not recently though, I think she might have mellowed since then!

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mydogfarts · 07/04/2025 14:33

I feel envious and start trying to think how I can escape DH and DC long enough to do the same! I love them, but I also loved solo travel when I was younger

NimbleTiger · 07/04/2025 14:33

Fabulous!!! I do the same and then people watch all the 'happy' couples sit watching their phones or arguing 🤣🤣 .....

Mushroomoyster · 07/04/2025 14:34

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latetothefisting · 07/04/2025 14:34

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 13:35

i didn’t because by the time I found the thread it was already quite long and I thought somebody was bound to have suggested it five pages ago…I quite often answer threads in my head and forget to actually type 🤣

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Interestingly the OP of that thread herself later said she thought that was probably what her colleague was thinking (i.e. they were doing her a favour by rescuing her from loneliness rather than intruding on her!)

I'm currently on a solo holiday so definitely wouldn't judge, however I do find the faux-naive "what a weird question why on earth would anyone think anything" a bit annoying. Its a bit like people who say "Why do people have to make such a big deal of coming out as gay, surely in 2025 nobody cares?" Well, no, just because you don't care doesn't mean nobody does.

Just on this thread alone there have been posters saying they don't know anyone who has travelled alone and another confirming they would feel sorry for people doing so, and I can confirm in real life some people definitely find it odd too. It's probably a lot more common and normalised now than it was even ten years ago but there are still lots of people who would bat an eye.

Apart from anything else, surely anyone who has spent more than 2 minutes on MN will have established people have surprisingly strong opinions about EVERYTHING, if there are hundreds of posters who can nearly come to virtual blows about toilet brushes there will also be many people with the full spectrum of judgement on solo holidays.

Cynic17 · 07/04/2025 14:34

I also struggle to understand the poster who has stopped going because "people don't chat any more". That's the whole point! A whole week, or two, of not having to talk to anyone at all - utter bliss! I really don't want to meet people, or "make friends", on holiday. That's what puts me off group trips, tbh.

mydogfarts · 07/04/2025 14:35

nodramaplz · 07/04/2025 14:23

I feel sorry for them that they are so lonely and wonder why they’ve no friends.
there’s usually a reason. Unsociable.
that’s only in my experience and probably not a rule for everyone.

Why does travelling alone mean no friends? I lead a busy life, busy job, volunteering, social life, kids and DH. I would still love a week away on my own

Cynic17 · 07/04/2025 14:36

nodramaplz · 07/04/2025 14:23

I feel sorry for them that they are so lonely and wonder why they’ve no friends.
there’s usually a reason. Unsociable.
that’s only in my experience and probably not a rule for everyone.

Sometimes I holiday with my husband, and/or a friend, but I also holiday solo through choice. It's not because I have nobody to go with, it's a positive thing, because I know I'll enjoy it.

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:38

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she said she couldn’t be friends with somebody who hadn’t “couldn’t make a relationship last longer than two years”

it’s another thread entirely but it did cause tension between us for a long time because as long as she’s known me I’ve been single more than I’ve been in a couple.

as I say though, she’s mellowed a bit and we’ve moved on now…she definitely wouldn’t go on holiday on her own though.

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LavenderBlue19 · 07/04/2025 14:38

Envious. I've never been on holiday on my own (more finances than anything), but I do regularly have weekends away and they're heavenly and make me a nicer person when I'm home again.

I guess some people just really like being around other people and don't see the point in having experiences on their own. I am not one of those people.

Mushroomoyster · 07/04/2025 14:40

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coxesorangepippin · 07/04/2025 14:42

Total envy

🍷 🌞🏔️

Original poster

Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 14:42

latetothefisting · 07/04/2025 14:34

Interestingly the OP of that thread herself later said she thought that was probably what her colleague was thinking (i.e. they were doing her a favour by rescuing her from loneliness rather than intruding on her!)

I'm currently on a solo holiday so definitely wouldn't judge, however I do find the faux-naive "what a weird question why on earth would anyone think anything" a bit annoying. Its a bit like people who say "Why do people have to make such a big deal of coming out as gay, surely in 2025 nobody cares?" Well, no, just because you don't care doesn't mean nobody does.

Just on this thread alone there have been posters saying they don't know anyone who has travelled alone and another confirming they would feel sorry for people doing so, and I can confirm in real life some people definitely find it odd too. It's probably a lot more common and normalised now than it was even ten years ago but there are still lots of people who would bat an eye.

Apart from anything else, surely anyone who has spent more than 2 minutes on MN will have established people have surprisingly strong opinions about EVERYTHING, if there are hundreds of posters who can nearly come to virtual blows about toilet brushes there will also be many people with the full spectrum of judgement on solo holidays.

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This did make me laugh!
I hadn’t read that she’s said that, I think she started feeling bad about the colleague.
enjoy your holiday @latetothefisting
(and I love your username!)

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