I just peaked at middle class wankerism

[Buckarooo]

At a farm café... naturally. And daughter is on special diet, so she was eating her packed lunch. And she went to eat her apple ...I found my self saying "oh darling, let me wash your apple, it's got brioche crumbs all over it"

What a dick I am 🤣

Forcourses.

Ahem...a Pink Lady™ apple.

60% are considered 'middle class'? By whom?

Sorry

she was eating, the poshest of apples, the Pink Lady

I think it might be God

And on the third day, he declared that 60% of the UK population in the year 2025 would be middle class, regardless of where they buy their brioche.

I distinctly remember hearing that particular story in the school chapel before lacrosse.

Well, the decrumber petitioned for an afternoon off, and I foolishly said "of course, go have a few hours with your dear family, we'll see you again this evening at dinner."

Well, I shan't be making that mistake again.

The proles.

I had a middle class injury recently. Cut my knuckle quite badly on a sourdough crust.

It's tough here in the middle class😂

Sure, but if that was the case why would the would apple have been in contact with the brioche?

If I buy my brioche buns in the coop and use them for the kids dinner of burgers and crinkle cut chips, what class am I?

No! Don’t get sentimental about the oiks. They will only revolt
Literally and Metaphorically

Oh, I know.

The worst of the worst

Foolish. It's neither Christmas Day nor Mother's Day, therefore no reason to give your decrumber leave. They'll be expecting "rights" next.

Some apples just won't help themselves ...

Well, dear father kept on mentioning that he hadn't seen his 3rd child yet, and apparently he's 3? So I relented, and look where it got me.

Hmmm, Pink Lady is a bit… French gel manicure. Expensive but tacky. Not middle class. Brand-named apples are non-U – a pp’s unidentified wonky apples are closer to the upper-class U ideal; something unknown from the ancient tree in the back orchard, planted there by your great-granny, Lady Sylvia. Great fun for pretending to scrump them when role-playing as a ruffian before romping in for nursery tea. Not sure what the middle-class apple is that sits between the petrol-guzzling SUV of a Pink Lady and the dog-haired old Land Rover of the wonky unidentified apple. Cox?

What's a crinkle cut chip? Some sort of corrugated quinoa thin?

Upper Class, possibly even an Honourable.

Oh of course, corrugated quinoa thins! The children begrudgingly accepted those once when Chef burned the lobster.

I discovered this cuisine on my missionary travels back in 2008. It is in fact a potato, fashioned into a wavy shape to give it a most pleasing asthetic, similar to the gentle waves of the carribean ocean. Adding that I have renamed the dish, minced boeuf patty with brioche and ocean potato.

My mum has just bought a set of "holiday cake forks" because we are both sick of trying to eat cake with massive cheapo forks or worse still, those useless wooden ones when we go to National Trust cafes.

They are very pretty and dainty, and when we tried them out on Mother's Day, we discovered that it's possible for a cake fork to be too small - it's like trying to eat cake with a tooth pick 😂

Agave syrup saved me from a world of gestational diabetes pain 2 years ago! It's still a cupboard staple. Il have you know I'm very working class 😂 now pass me the sourdough bruscetta

Oh wonderful! That dish sounds delightful