Family joking about me paying for things

[neglege]

I’m from a humble background, working class area, millworkers etc. Studied hard and got a job which pays relatively very good money (200k). It’s in London so everything is expensive here compared to back home. No family money for a mortgage so saving hard.

Whenever I go home I get “jokes” about how I could treat someone to something. My aunt mentioned how her niece (my cousin’s kid) had a big school trip coming up and maybe I could sort it.

Or even my own granny saying things like she needs a private medical appointment (£1,000)… maybe because her granddaughter is on big money she could treat her to it. Even though she has inherited three houses and is far more comfortable than her own kids!

Be on your guard OP and don't give them an in - if you help once you'll forever be seen as a cash cow.
Wouldn't say it in normal circumstances but your family sound like users who are chomping at the bit to take advantage of you.

I think they're only half joking. Your salary probably seems like a huge amount to most of your family, and they'll have no clue about how much it actually costs to live in London. I'm guessing they live in a fairly cheap area of the country from your description.
Don't let them guilt you into paying for things.

This is why you shouldn't discuss salaries with family.

Agreed. Same goes to winning lotteries, inheritances etc.

I wouldn’t acknowledge their begging or I’d say something to make them feel uncomfortable for asking.

Yeah, they're not joking.

Relatively goood money £200,000

aye right ye are.

I’d joke to your grandma and say maybe she could sell one or two of those houses to help you get a mortgage.

Well, you have huge amounts of money compared to your family. Why not buy them things? DH and I have been part-supporting our parents since our 20s.

Why did you tell them your salary?

They’re not joking. Decide whether you’re willing to pay for anything then stick to that. Don't feel obliged.

You could offer to help your gran sell one of her houses?

What is your job?

Be constantly amazed at how cheap everything is in comparison to London. Fret about needing to save for a mortgage deposit.

I wish I'd never told my sister what I earn. It isn't even that much for london. About £65,000.

Because she has chosen not to work and lives on benefits she thinks my income is massive. She uses disparaging comments and calls me financially loaded. Its as if she thinks I dont work for my money.

I get a running commentary about how little money she has when she's choosing not to work.

They're not joking and they think they're entitled to your money.

I live in London too op and even by London standards 200k is a high salary....

They are cheeky to even joke about it . Your mistake was telling them your income . They will see you as stingy because you are earning a truckload in their eyes.

Do you know what the word “relatively” means

See, if I'd made "good" and was significantly better off than my family, I would treat my niece to a school trip and pay for dinner once in a while. I wouldn't like to think anyone expected it, ut I'd be happy to do it. Please I was able. I don't earn £200k but I'm comfortable and can't be doing with worrying about every £, that's the main benefit of being comfortable.

I’m a believer that family who have good relationships with each other should help each other out, but that means that if your granny has inherited three houses she should be helping out the rest of the family! I wouldn’t see my loved ones go without.

You really really need to be discreet about what you earn, though it sounds like that cat is out of the bag. (Do they know your actual salary?)

I'm on a good salary (not close to 200k which I would consider very good, London living or not!) and also am in very fortunate position of having paid off mortgage, no car finance etc. But I'm very discreet about that and hardly anyone knows that we are actually very comfortable rather than "doing ok".

From bitter experience, some people if they think you are comfortably off will just expect you to pay for more than your share and get the arse if you don't, saving you are mean and selfish. This has really poisoned one of my oldest friendships (friend from school days who chose to become a SAHM though her husband had a low paid job). She expected me to pay for everything if we went out but would be all huffy and "it's all right for some" rather than saying thanks and moving on. I would be walking on eggshells with what I said as if I inadvertently mentioned a holiday or she noticed I had a new handbag she would sulk and pout. I was fine with paying more, but it was the expectation that grated. I got the feeling it didn't really help because it felt like she never thought it enough. And she was "rich" in other ways, lots of time spent with her children, who were lovely and thrived in the life she gave them while mine were in (bloody expensive) childcare for far longer than ideally I would have liked and that trade off never registered with her .

So my feeling is even if you were to pay for the odd school trip or private medical consultation, it may fester resentment and higher and higher expectations. When you have more than someone else, they don't see the "more" as finite - it's like a bottomless pit to them.

Sorry, didn't mean it to be that long but my message is keep your finances as private as possible!

I would say "I'm sorry I'm saving hard to get a deposit for a mortgage - London rents are crippling me".

I expect your monthly take home x12 doesn't add up to anything like 200k because of how highly taxed high earners are.

Do they tell you what they expect you to fund? Or do you offer?

How do they know what you earn? You must know that £200k is a substantial salary, esp to your family. I can’t imagine why you thought it was a good idea to tell them.

Yeah, they aren't joking.

Maybe you should help family out if they need the money for something important and you can afford to do it.