Family joking about me paying for things

[neglege]

I’m from a humble background, working class area, millworkers etc. Studied hard and got a job which pays relatively very good money (200k). It’s in London so everything is expensive here compared to back home. No family money for a mortgage so saving hard.

Whenever I go home I get “jokes” about how I could treat someone to something. My aunt mentioned how her niece (my cousin’s kid) had a big school trip coming up and maybe I could sort it.

Or even my own granny saying things like she needs a private medical appointment (£1,000)… maybe because her granddaughter is on big money she could treat her to it. Even though she has inherited three houses and is far more comfortable than her own kids!

Never tell people what you earn.

I personally would treat my family if I had the means, but it's hard to say yes to one thing and no to another so I'm not sure how that would end, you don't have unlimited money.

Tell them you've changed to a more rewarding but less well paid role. Then maybe you get occasional bonuses which could be used to treat others if you so wish, or to explain away your new car or holiday.

I think £40 000 is a big salary! So I do struggle on here sometimes with what people consider a 'reasonable' salary.

But no, don't give in.

Op lives in an expensive area and is trying to save for a deposit and mortgage, she isn't actually in a position to " help " every other fucker standing with their hands out that she shares blood with.

Jesus christ some of you lot!

Op, just ignore the comments, you are not financially responsible for anyone but yourself.

Depends where you live. You can generally borrow 4 times your salary so £40,000 x 4 = £160,000.

Good luck finding any property in London for that price. £40k salary is nothing in London.

Leave London i hear you say ...then you get locals complaining about those leaving London and pushing up house prices in their areas.

Fwiw my dsis is a single mum on a limited income and I was quite generous with nephews 16th, 18th, 21st birthday gifts (spent on phone, ipad, consoles, holiday, fashion, etc) and gave him a good chunk at 17 to cover driving lessons. Now he gets the standard £30 gift and I hear a lot of hints at how his ipad/consoles etc need replacing, how much his car is costing to run, etc.

I do think I just enabled him to live beyond his means and he's now getting into debt to continue this lifestyle!

Nothing brings out the worst in families like money, weddings and funerals.
Absolutely do not start giving these people money or they will always expect it. There are people in NEED and people in need. Nanny with the three houses and more assets than anyone needing a new boiler is not a need. A potentially life-saving cancer treatment not available on the NHS for someone with cancer, fair enough.
It sounds like for having a salary that big you aren’t even set up yourself. You absolutely need to get yourself a house, savings, pension etc. before you think about helping people who just want but don’t need your help. Life doesn’t always go to plan and to be perfectly frank sh*t happens. You are only able to earn a salary that big as long as you are able to earn a salary that big. Illness, injury, redundancy, just bad luck or a bad decision can change anyone’s circumstances in an instant. Don’t let their “joking/not-joking” nonsense get in your head. You haven’t worked this hard to lose every penny to money grabbers. Once you are financially set up and comfortable you can think about sharing the wealth. Until then nothing has really changed. They had to support themselves before you were earning what you’re earning and they will have to continue to.

And if all else fails then lie, say you lost your job/took a demotion and now earn significantly less. Then NEVER discuss salary again. Consider this a lesson learnt in talking about money.

What do you do that pays £200K a year? Only 4-5% of the country is on even £100K. (And less than half a % is on £200K a year or more.)

Why do you tell your family what your salary is?

Odd thread.

I have a feeling you won't be back though @neglege

Sounds like Granny should be paying for school trips and private medical.

@BrokenLine but where do you draw the line? OP has been asked to pay for the school trip of her cousin’s child. We could end up talking about 20+ people, if she offered her support to children of cousins. And yes, £200k is a lot of money, but it’s not millions.

You say that you and your DH support your parents, but do you support multiple extended family members?

Let's call a spade a spade. You are on a huge salary (top 1% of UK) however, you can't simply be asked to pay for everything for others. Your mistake was revealing the salary amount. I would help family members who needed things and couldn't otherwise afford, in your situation (not people with three houses).

@neglege you obviously told them how much your wages were! your own fault!

Mmm, of course, this is always anoying when people expect you to just pay for things becuaseyou have money and of course it shouldn't be expected. .. but quite honestly, with a salary like that, even in London, I think I would be treating my family a bit if they didn't have a lot (different, obviously, if they're sitting on huge wads of cash). Pre kids and close to 20 years ago, DH and I had a combined income of around 100k. Relatively speaking, we were loaded, so yes, we used to pay for things for family. Most notably, SIl had almost no money so we used to pay for her car insurance and her gym membership.

I'd also be very hesitant about pitching yourself as "struggling". No one is going to belive that and it just makes you look stingy. Sorry, I know that's not the prevailing view on here but as a high earner (albeit not as high as you), I completely get that things can still be tricky - we've felt skint for years - but I'm not stupid enough to suggest to people on a fraction of my pay that i'm struggling becuase clearly comparatively speaking, I'm not.

Never, ever tell people what you earn. In fact I would be inclined to tell people you lost your job and had to take a new one on much lower pay to "recover" the situation.

I'm in a different situation but sometimes I earn nothing in a year and (once in 20 years) £600k. Mostly it is around £100-150k but you cannot tell anyone as people just think you are rolling in money.

When people on threads like these ask where all these people are in real life, you wouldn't know I earn that much - If people ask (and they do!) I say it all goes back in the business or something.

Granny can sell 2 of her 3 houses to pay for medical appointments and school trips!

Don't tell people what you earn.

They're being cheeky. As mentioned before, find ways of throwing it back at them, ie Granny sharing some of her inheritance. How often do you see your cousin's child? Do they visit? ie, have you actually got a close relationship.

You might be saving, but I guess you're paying rent at the same time as well as commuting, so don't feel guilty. You've worked hard to make something of yourself.

You should be able to tell your salary to people you are close to and who, supposedly, care about you without them looking to take advantage.

Ignore the comments. They probably aren't jokes.

Never tell anyone how much you earn!

One of my friends recently had a huge fall out with his family because the family had decided he should buy one of his siblings a flat.

They felt this was his responsibility as he had more money, despite the fact it was clearly an absurd suggestion.

They aren’t speaking to him over it. Absolutely ridiculous.

Stop talking about what you earn. Laugh when they make these 'jokes' and dont be guilted into trying to explain your finances to them, they are your business. Refuse to accept being treated as a cash cow, carry on being the person they know.

I think there are things you can offer if they ask - work experience at your employers for example; careers advice for the teenagers. But not cash.

Why have they been informed of what you earn?

I can't even imagine not treating family if I was on 200k. I'm on 40k and treat people regularly.

Have you seen rental prices in London?
Additionally 200k gross is only 117k net. When renting and living in London, and trying to save for a mortgage (again if in London it will be hugely inflated prices) that doesn't go far.

Why ‘should’ the OP help anyone out
she has earned her money she doesn’t ‘have’ to give anyone anything
Once you start giving they won’t stop asking

Who did you tell your salary to? Did they tell everyone else?

The problem is expectation. Unconditional love my ass, no one has any right to my affection or money just because we're related. Other than dependant children of course.