Family joking about me paying for things

[neglege]

I’m from a humble background, working class area, millworkers etc. Studied hard and got a job which pays relatively very good money (200k). It’s in London so everything is expensive here compared to back home. No family money for a mortgage so saving hard.

Whenever I go home I get “jokes” about how I could treat someone to something. My aunt mentioned how her niece (my cousin’s kid) had a big school trip coming up and maybe I could sort it.

Or even my own granny saying things like she needs a private medical appointment (£1,000)… maybe because her granddaughter is on big money she could treat her to it. Even though she has inherited three houses and is far more comfortable than her own kids!

@Whotochoose2025 because it's clearly absurd. It sets a level of expectation that you will fund their lifestyle. It's not like springing for lunch on a special occasion.

I know my in laws would like to take advantage of us because we are substantially richer than them. The comments in the past have been eye rolling. We therefore have firm boundaries that basically we pay for nothing. Interestingly, when I was discussing how to pre-empt some potential future CF'ery from the in-laws with my DB (as quite a lot but not all of our luck is due to inheritance on my side so I thought might equally be an issue for him) but who is richer than us by a huge margin yet still, he was flabbergasted that I even had to consider such requests.

OP - it's bullshit from people who would bleed you dry. The fact that they are related to you makes it worse for you because they can use the emotional blackmail. Least I can compartmentalise it. So big sympathies.

Thanks for the comments - I will come back to answer more later. But first of all, I want to make clear that I didn’t tell my family what my salary is. It’s easy to find out - you just google company name and job title and there are news bits on it.

I’ve helped my family out but they didn’t ask for it or joke about my wages. If they had, I don’t think I would have helped if I’m honest.

Well your gran asked you for £1000, so 0.5% of your salary equivalent to someone on £50k being asked for £250. I’d do that for my grandmother if she asked without thinking. To be fair though mine would never ever have asked.

But Granny has her own money.. I often find that people say I am lucky. Still working on mid 60's but its not only luck..

Some relatives and friends make the most poor decisions I have ever seen and dont ever learn from it. Its like they are in a soap opera with them in the starring role

Does OP not pay taxes or student loans then? If she has student loans and pays taxes, she gets £102,036/year. I assume less, as she’ll be making pension contributions too. All whilst paying rent in the most expensive area of the country, whilst saving for a deposit.

Her family need to stop being so grabby.

If your gran had 3 houses she was sat on worth ££££ you’d still be giving her your money, when you were trying to save for 1 home?

Send your grandmother a link for a 2 bed flat in a nice area of London and suggest she sells one or two of her properties to help you out with the six figure deposit you'll need.

I mean it is a huge salary, even for London and even with London rental prices. I work in the sort of place where these salaries are common from a certain point (not my role, sadly) and daily people share that they are subletting multiple bathroom'd flats very centrally and they cost c. £2.k/£3k and therefore can walk to work etc.

Lets say the numbers below are actually around £8k take home, after pension, student loan, taxable benefits. That still means £5k after rent possibly £2k savings and £2k to spend for the month. Its substantial and helping family would be something I would do - I do support my parents, but they don't ask etc.

I think though, all these numbers detract from the OP a little, really it is the family attitude to the money that they earn that is a problem, they shouldn't be asking or expecting it.

Forgot the table

£117k is take home after taxes only, not student loans or pension.

CF's.
I would completely ignore them.
As for the cousin's child? Hilarious suggestion.

I would treat thrm if I was on 200k. I live in london and its not that expensive. Average wage in london is something like 38k and people get by. 200k puts you in the top 1 percent of earners in the uk and globally you are in a very select group who earn that amount.
I would be wary of becoming the money tree though. If they have money already, then don't do it.

You're really stingy not to pay for your granny's medical appointment. Assuming it's for something essential and not a boob job or something.

Granny owns 3 properties. OP owns 0. Granny should release some equity if it’s that important.

They sound like free loaders. Granny has multiple properties. She can sell one of them to fund her needs.

Unfortunately you have changed so much that your daily life is opposite to theirs. It will be difficult to remain on close terms with them. They sound v entitled.

You are likely to have less and less in common as time goes by.

House sales can take months. What if she needs the appointment before then. Property capital isn't accessible money.

Where can you rent a flat with multiple bathrooms (and I presume more than one bedroom) in central London for £2-£3k?

My DCs are both renting tiny flats (one bed, shower, no bath) for around £2k (shared with partners). And of course they can't save for a deposit at that sort of rent level.

Did you miss the part where OPs granny has inherited three houses and is more comfortable financially than her kids?

If OP saves 2k each month it is going to take her a long time to save the deposit, stamp duty and solicitor fees to buy a home in London.

Perhaps granny would like to sell a home and help her out?

It takes pretty much everyone a long time to save up to buy a house.

I was just about to say this
Don’t ever discuss your salary with anyone

Well yes if she asked but as I said mine would never have asked so it’s a very imagined scenario.

It does even without paying for their extended families wants while they are saving.