Adult children moved out, how often do you seen them?

[Mawmawmaw]

DS is 24 and moved into a house with his lovely GF last summer. They live about 5 minutes car ride away.
They seem very happy and I made a promise to them and myself that I’d never turn up unannounced and we wouldn’t be popping in all the time - we wanted them to settle in and enjoy their new home together.

I hardly ever see them though! DS & GF will only come to us if I’ve cooked a big meal and have some leftovers and then when it’s offered it not always taken up. I try and pop to see them every few weeks but it’s all a bit awkward and I never stay long.

DS is a lovely lad but is and always has been a little distant so there’s no change really, it’s just that he has no reason to contact us now or come to us unless there’s a specific reason.

I drop a text into the WhatsApp group once or twice a week just asking they’re ok and I usually get ‘yep all fine etc’ but no more.

I have to say I feel a bit sad, I do miss DS (even though he was a bit distant even when he lived here).

Is this unusual? What’s the norm for you?

Dd1 lives 15/20 minutes drive & visits with dc usually once a week.

Dd2 lives in same village & is on mat leave. She comes round at least 3 times a week atm. Will be less once back at work.

Dd27 I see at least 3 times a week . That's probably the other extreme though.

Ds22 I see once a week or fortnight. Depending on ds work pattern. We phone and message as well.

My 23yo lives about 15 mins away, we message every day and see him around once a week. I have a separate relationship with his gf we go for lunch maybe once a month, and I message her about once a week or so.

My 20yo is at uni about 4 hours away, we message daily, he calls for a few hours once or twice a week and I see him maybe once every 6/8 weeks.

In your shoes I would be creating more reasons for them to come over, bbqs etc, or pop around with things for them every now and then. I would also be getting to know his gf as an individual as well. It sounds like you've built it up to be awkward in your own head and it's manifested.

I have four grown kids, hear daily from DD1 and GD, see at least once a week GD stays over a few times a month (6 years). DS 1 lives 30mins away see once or twice month have an hours phone call most weekends, message often. DD2 lives 90 mins car drive but she has to use train see once a month at least and phone calls all the time. DS2 when at uni calls several times a week.
This weekend all out for a meal can't wait.
You should just see them more often, and it will become less awkward.

Feels like not that often. DS1 at uni and thinks he got a job in Norwich after graduating this year. We are in Yorkshire. 😪DS2 at uni in Newcastle. They will be coming home for Easter and we're going on holiday together so I'll get them for a week. We text most days just to check in and have a weekly Outsmarted via teams every Friday night.

DD lives 5 minutes away in the car and we usually see her around once a week or so - ish.

This week I've seen her three times, which is fairly unusual.

I am the adult child and try to see my mother at least once a month... but I live 80 miles away, and work very long hours! I call once a week- sometimes once a fortnight- and we message in between.

She sees my sibling, who lives around 20 miles away from her, once or twice a month.

She used to be expected to visit her parents six times a week, sometimes seven! Once my grandfather died, my grandmother said she thought that was a bit much, so she just calls up 3-4 times a week, or in between if needed.

3 kids they pop round once or twice a week all live in same town if they lived far away they’d come once or twice a month I’d be happy with that.

and yes to the food. They never turn down food! Is that a problem for you OP? It’s just that you seem to mind

19yo visits weekly. Lives 45 miles away.

We visit pil weekly too. They're lovely to be around. Great with the dcs.

My parents both live within 10 min away and speak a lot but rarely see due to various commitments and lack of time. Ie when were off they're not.

My DD lives an hour and a half drive away, she has a stressful.job and so does her DH. We don't see.much of.them at all. My DH has been over twice to stay since Christmas as he was needed to dog sit. She occasionally whatsapp me but I haven't seen her since Christmas I suck it up as she is happy

No of course I don’t mind, they’re welcome to anything, it just feels like they’ll only come if there’s food going, not because they want to see me / us

Since the agree of 16 I have seen my parents around 3 times a year ( for approx a weekend each time) Sometimes more, sometimes less, but not by much. I would always visit them, till the last few years. I think from the ages of 20 to 35 my parents visited me at my house once.
Each family is wildly different it seems!

My DDs live 30 and 45 minutes away. I used to see them most weeks, but recently it's become more like once a fortnight. But I generally have to initiate it. If I didn't send my usual weekly check in message and offer to meet up, I'm not sure how often it would happen.

Adult son, married and lives maybe an hour away by train. Not very often, my birthday and his sisters birthday and Xmas. We text a few times a week but noting set in stone.
he has his life and is building a marriage and I have mine and his sisters life. It works well for us

lol who wants to sit round someone’s house with no food though? Food makes it nice, social.

Oldest DS bought a flat 15 mins from us. He called home every day for breakfast before he headed off to work. He now has a gf and they are expecting a baby. We text every day and I see him most weeks.

My 2 send a text every other day.
They no they dont have to ask if they want to come over this will always be their home and both have spare keys.
We see each other maybe once twice every two months.
Life is busy with work etc and i want my two to get on with it and live life and not to worry over me.
I travel alot so im not home much i get away as much as i can.
One lives in the same town as me the other lives in a different town.
I dont even sound old enough to have to adult children by MN standards that have moved out.

My DS is the same age and also lives with his partner, about a mile away. On average we see him 2-3 times a week. I suspect that the fact that his GF works evenings and we feed him has a lot to do with it! Although I think I she also encourages him to come up sometimes when she’s off as she likes peace and quiet to watch her TV programmes of
choice and DS tends to watch football (or other sport) with his dad. We chat on family WhatsApp every day even if it’s just to say ‘hello’. But we’ve always been close and I don’t think the situation you are describing is unusual.

My oldest 26y just moved out. We used to be really close when he was younger, but as he is getting older he pulled a way a bit. He is also very quiet, so no talking, calling etc. He comes over once a week, or once in ten days for dinner and stays for couple of hours. They do not have a laundry in the apartment, so I told him he can bring it to my house to wash and he does that too. I went to his house a few times; once he invited me and my daughters for dinner that he cooked. In the meantime, I text him once or twice just to keep the connection. So definitively not as much as I would like to, but I do think it is normal, still hurts not to have him around. 😔

DD and my SIL moved two minutes walk from my home, her family home. They both pop in two or three times a week. I never just drop in on them, but often get invited. My own parents dropped round all the time, without asking if it was convenient, and it could feel too much, so I am very considerate of my DDs and SILs space.
Other DD lives fifteen minutes drive away, I see her about once a fortnight, but she works long shifts, we text/talk two or three times a week. DS currently living with us, so obviously seeing him a lot. When he moved out for six months we kept in touch by phone daily and met up weekly.

It’s hard OP, but I would suggest following their lead, not being pushy, they know where you are. Fill your life up with things you enjoy x

My daughter lives 400 miles away, but we usually manage to see each other for a few days every three months and sometimes she comes up just for the weekend. We're on the phone to each other at least twice a day though.

It’s not the norm for me but you say he was distant even when he was at home, so the gap has just been widened.

My son lives about a 10 min drive away with his partner

he rings me or his dad ( stepdad ) most days and we chat about this and that

my dh has a key to his house and car as he charges his electric car there so he might see him if he is around but we don’t intrude

they were happy for us to have a key as they know we aren’t the sort of people to abuse it plus we have given them a huge amount of help with their house deposit and all the money to furnish it

i try to see him a few times a month but it’s generally for like 10 -20 mins here and there

but I do try to get together with him and his partner every 2 months or so and take them out for lunch / brunch and catch up for a chat and we always have a nice time

Daughter is about 15 mins drive and see about 1 or 2 times a month. Speak most days on phone though. Son is a couple of hours away and see him about once every 3 months or so, and we speak around once a week on phone.

DD1 is 22 and lives with her boyfriend 2.5hrs drive away. We WhatsApp several times a week and we meet up every few weeks.

DD2 is 21 and working her intern year in a city 1.5hrs away. Again, we message several times a week and get together every few weeks.

Both DDs still holiday with us though which is absolutely lovely (probably helps that we pay for everything and always go 5*).