I’m not interested in Mothers Day. Anyone else? Explaining to my adult DC.

[Glitterbiscuits]

I am blessed with adult children. My mum died a long time ago but we had a good relationship so no trauma.
I tell my children every year I don’t want to celebrate Mothers Day. I don’t want them to spend money on Moonpig or Hallmark etc.
They still send cards. I am not ungrateful although it probably reads this way. I love my birthday cards from them!
I didn’t mind when they were at school and making things. I just don’t think they believe me when I say please ignore Mothers Day.
Do any other families just not bother?

I’m with you. Our grandson makes me a granny’s day card, lovely, but that’s enough.

I think that in light of the fact that they're mostly respecting your prefernces and not sending huge gifts or expecting big days out, I'd simply accept the cards and the love they represent. Even if your mother says no to mothers day, there can be pressure.

I suspect that I will be like you. I loved mothers day when the DC were small - not least because it was one day I got a guaranteed lie in and didn't have to do anything - but as they've got older I care less and less and they're still quite young. I am confident that by the time they're adults, I'll be quite happy with nothing more than a quick text message at best. So I get it.

Can’t you just let them send a card? It makes them happy, you can bin it if you dislike it that much. I’m not overly bothered with cards (birthday or Mother’s Day), but it seems a bit sad to put a downer on something that they like to do, just for the sake of receiving a card?

What harm does getting a nice card do? Given there’s no deep trauma making the day upsetting I can’t see why you’d deliberately reject their way of marking their appreciation of you on Mother’s Day. If they’re good to you the other 364 days and it’s not hypocritical of them to send cards just go with it.

If you don't care, what does it matter if they send cards?

I think it’s ok to not want to celebrate Mother’s Day. And if they are not insisting of taking you out and just sending cards I would not say anything but thank you. They just want to commemorate the occasion in some way, it’s also for them to say thank you. Remember a relationship with adult children’s is like any other relationship. A bit of give and take

I just think it’s a waste of money. It’s a waste of paper. It’s a totally meaningless day. I have no religion but I suspect it’s a made up day invented by card manufacturers. It’s just a bit pointless and feels forced.

A birthday card means something to me. I’m not grumpy about it. I love birthdays and Christmas

It's not doing any harm to get a card though is it?

My mum doesn't really like Mothers Day and doesn't want anything much to happen.

However, DH's mum is getting chocolates and flowers, and I'm not going to let my mum have any less!

I don't understand why you don't want them to send a card if they choose.

What's underneath this for you?

It’s a totally meaningless day.

It might not be meaningless to them.

@Glitterbiscuits I suspect it’s a made up day invented by card manufacturers on the contrary, it has existed for long before card manufacturers existed - a traditional day off to visit home for those who were employed in 24:7 roles such as being a servant in a large country house who usually only got an occasional half-day off which might not be long enough to get home.

I don’t care about Mother’s Day. I know I’m loved and they see me. Sometimes one or other will get a card for me. I give them a kiss because I think it means they want a bit of connection/reassurance. I don’t really care about any of those “days” though. I’m an everyday love person.

DD wanted to take me out, but I'm working. So she asked if I have (another) day off soon. Not until Thursday (her busiest day at college). She seemed hurt when I said I'm not too fussed, but I said to her, I know you love me, we don't need to make a huge thing about it! I'd be happy with a nice card and for her to make me a good cup of tea. She's not happy, but I don't like a huge amount of fuss.

I'm happy with a text or WhatsApp message. No need for any oney to be spent.

Mother’s Day actually isn’t a made up day. See the post above explaining.

Don’t be so miserable, and let your DCs let you know they love you with a card. It’s probably difficult for them as they’ll want to do this perfectly ordinary thing, so let them and be happy

As it’s an invented occasion perhaps it’s social pressure making them think they should send me a card? Shops full of landfill tat? Overpriced flowers?

It’s hot invented!

There are a lot of things that you could deem a waste of money. They’re adults now, surely they can decide for themselves how to spend their own money? Is it worth potentially upsetting them, or sounding controlling about how they spend their income over a few quid on a card?

I'm with you OP. I don't see the need for cards either. I accept them because that's what's expected of me, but I wouldn't be in the slightest bit bothered if I didn't get anything.

Have totally changed my opinion on this over the years. I was dead against any 'fuss' largely because my difficult character mother would insist on the works and was liable to throw a tantrum if something minor was (in her eyes) wrong. Mother's Day just gave me the ick & I was very much don't bother doing anything I don't care. I now think it's actually really good for my teens to make a bit of an effort for me, makes them think about what I do for them. Also trains them up for being considerate to future partners. Also tells them that I think I'm worthy of a bit of fuss. All that stuff.

It’s actually Mothering Sunday when people got the opportunity to travel home to visit their Mother Church. It being a special day for moms is sort of connected to that because presumably moms would live close to your Mother Church.

it’s halfway through lent and a time to lighten up on the restrictions imposed during that time so a proper day of celebration.

Well we are a family of atheists so going back to your “ mother church “ won’t apply and I can’t see how this translates into greeting cards.

We've never bothered. My mum never did it because she felt it was Christian in origin (and we're Jewish) so didn't feel it appropriate, and I just can't be bothered.

DH, out of nowhere last year said he'd like kids to do something, just a card even, on father's day and I wondered where that came from, then realised I guess as the kids are now old enough to do something off their own bat and he didn't want me doing things on behalf of the kids. Although I will now, of course, have to remind them to send a card this year!

‘Mothering Sunday’ was certainly not invented by card manufacturers!

I was responding to your saying it’s a made up day. It isn’t.

I used to struggle to get cards saying ‘to mom on Mothering Sunday’ because of all the Mother’s Day cards. But I did because it was important to my mom