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I’m not interested in Mothers Day. Anyone else? Explaining to my adult DC.

85 replies

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 11:36

I am blessed with adult children. My mum died a long time ago but we had a good relationship so no trauma.
I tell my children every year I don’t want to celebrate Mothers Day. I don’t want them to spend money on Moonpig or Hallmark etc.
They still send cards. I am not ungrateful although it probably reads this way. I love my birthday cards from them!
I didn’t mind when they were at school and making things. I just don’t think they believe me when I say please ignore Mothers Day.
Do any other families just not bother?

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 27/03/2025 12:07

You know full well mothers day isn't a "made up day" you are just like to have a moan about it being meaningless, do you handwring over birthday cards do you send them? Let your kids who clearly love you send you a card it isn't harming you .

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 12:08

I’ve already said I love birthdays and Christmas

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 27/03/2025 12:09

verycloakanddaggers · 27/03/2025 11:48

It’s a totally meaningless day.

It might not be meaningless to them.

This, it might mean something to them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 12:09

And as an atheist I know I’m a hypocrite about Christmas.

OP posts:
PixieMcGraw · 27/03/2025 12:10

I'm with you OP.
Mothering Sunday was a church holiday when you were supposed to visit your mother church i.e. the church where you were baptised regardless of where your mother lived. So the more modern iteration is definitely a made up thing actually pioneered by an American in the early 20th century.
It seems to cause such upset and friction - guaranteed there will be lots of posts here on Sunday where people are disappointed and upset. Everyone should just do what they please but really I just don't get it. I've told my own children to just ignore it.

Coffeeishot · 27/03/2025 12:14

Do you just not think you are worth a bunch of flowers Op ?

Greenfinch7 · 27/03/2025 12:15

If kids are just sending a card, by comparison-- wasting money and paper is something we do on a much grander scale on virtually every day of our lives.

Wastful things: using more toilet paper than strictly necessary, using kitchen roll at all, buying books and magazines, using the internet (extremely wasteful of resources and energy, even if not directly wasteful of paper), wrapping presents, buying things or ordering things on line that come in wasteful packaging, etc.

There must be some more emotional reason behind people's discomfort with Mother's Day

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 12:15

I’m not sure how it could mean something to my DC. It’s not something we have ever made a fuss of.

I could interpret The fact that I ask them to ignore it every year and still the cards turn up means my feelings aren’t valid?

I don’t think that’s the case as they are good people.

However what everyone hasn’t noticed is that when it comes down to it my wishes are being ignored

OP posts:
cramptramp · 27/03/2025 12:17

Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean they feel the same. Accept anything they give you with good grace.

Cynic17 · 27/03/2025 12:18

I'm not a parent, OP, but I get it. When I see the amount of stress and angst on here - especially re mature mothers insisting that their adult children fuss over them - I do wonder whether the world has gone completely mad 😂

SociableAtWork · 27/03/2025 12:19

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 11:45

I just think it’s a waste of money. It’s a waste of paper. It’s a totally meaningless day. I have no religion but I suspect it’s a made up day invented by card manufacturers. It’s just a bit pointless and feels forced.

A birthday card means something to me. I’m not grumpy about it. I love birthdays and Christmas

The origin of Mother’s Day goes back to when many people were employed in service for ‘the big houses’ ie the very wealthy. It was usually a live-in role pretty much 7 days a week, and often far from ‘home’. At this time the UK was predominately a church going, Christian country - churches were packed every week. People mostly lived in the same small area they’d always been, with generations of the same family all being close by.

Once a year, (and I think something to do with the Christian church calendar, and X weeks from Easter or something) people got the day off from ‘service’ to go home to attend their ‘mother church’ - hence, Mother’s Day - the church they attended as a family in the area where they’d lived/been brought up and would be baptised, married, buried. Each woman was given a little bunch of flowers at this service (usually local daffodils) and this tradition continues at come churches now. As they were ‘home’ they’d spend time with their family, including the mum and might even have said ‘happy mother’s day’ meaning ‘happy day of getting back to your mother church’

But that’s all it started out as. A cherished and welcome, rare, day off to go home and attend your ‘mother’ church.

Originally it was nothing at all to do with actual mothers - card manufacturers took over many decades ago and pushed it, and now shops/retailers/restaurants are pushing it even further to encourage people to spend and make lots of people feel guilty if they don’t do anything for their own mother. Or cause huge family arguments if they don’t want to see the MiL, or want to have the day with their children and not their mum etc etc. Or feel down and despondent because they’re not a mother, can’t have children, are NC etc.

It’s essentially now another big marketing ploy and will get bigger and bigger as the years go on, but started as something quite nice and simple.

DennisRoundThePost · 27/03/2025 12:19

I know I am being pedantic but it was to travel home to your Mother church usually because that is where your actual Mother was living too. It was a time that allowed you to visit your family especially important if you had moved away. It was started in the middle ages where children as young as 10 would move away for employment.

It is clearly important to your children who want to send you a card. Yes you might not have celebrated at home but come on, it is everywhere. Supermarket, high street, lots of online shops.

I also have adult children, both of whom live at home at the minute but they also like to celebrate it. It is a £2 card and a day where I choose my favourite meal for Dh to cook; this happens on lots of other days so there is nothing remotely special about it in that sense. But the children enjoy the tradition of it. To tell me what they like about me as a person and I like that.

Oneearringlost · 27/03/2025 12:28

OP, I hate it too. My mother is nearly 95, never wanted it celebrated, and I've done the same with my now adult children. Of course, I always graciously accepted cards they'd made at school etc..but never encouraged it.
A PP upthread described herself as, along the lines of " I'm an every day love" kind of person, and that's what I agree with. I have a lovely relationship with my mother and with my children. As I see it, I have set my children free from the shackles of Mother's Day duty and I see so many threads on here full of angst, divided loyalty, obligation, guilt and resentment, and feel very happy that I and my children are free of that.

Having said that, if your children, as adults, want to mark it, it seems a bit curmudgeonly to not be gracious enough to happily accept their gestures? For some it is really important and if the worst that they are doing is showing their love to you by sending a card or wanting to spend some time with you, then your moral standpoint could come across as a bit harsh?

But I am totally with you, otherwise.

Coffeeishot · 27/03/2025 12:30

I just don't think it's as deep as you think it is, the children thought about you, for a minute or two bought a card and will send it.

I honestly without sarcasm don't understand why that upsets you so much, I mean Christmas is just as much made up nonsense as MD but you are happy to go along with that tradition.

TheProvincialLady · 27/03/2025 12:35

The “waste of money” argument is a bit bizarre when you’re talking about other people’s money. And £2.50 or so. Performative don’t-pay-me-any-attention is very tedious and controlling.

NinjaFurtive · 27/03/2025 12:46

I'm not hugely into it. I send my mum and mil a small gift and card each and depending on plans we might see one of them (they both live far away). They're quite relaxed about it too.

I think it's nice for my little boy to make me something at pre school and he'll love helping daddy to bring me a present and drink in bed on Sunday. For me, seeing him excited is the main thing!

I don't need a whole day dedicated to me or a big meal out etc though.

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 12:50

I can see that Ninja. It’s great when children do this!

OP posts:
JoyousEagle · 27/03/2025 12:54

Yeah we don’t bother. We never did it as children (as per my mum’s request), and don’t do it now as adults. My mum is very anti anything she perceives as commercialised crap, or forced sentimentality (eg she also doesn’t do Valentine’s Day or anniversaries).

Unpaidviewer · 27/03/2025 12:57

It's not just about you though. Maybe your children want to give you a card or small gift to acknowledge how much they appreciate you.

ginnitonic · 27/03/2025 12:57

The present form of Mother's Day was established by an American called Anna Jarvis. The history is here...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day_(United_States)

Thistooshallpsss · 27/03/2025 13:01

I’m with you Op . But I stopped my children from ever starting it - and I agree its origins are about the mother church not mothers. Actually I think it’s bad news as a feminist - stop making women’s worth all about being a mother. My own mother felt the same - as she said you can buy me a bunch of flowers if you want to - any day of the year. And she’s been gone a few years now!

Lurkingandlearning · 27/03/2025 13:01

I wonder if they would stop if you said it would make you much happier if they were to make the cards the way they did when they were small. Can you imagine 🤣

Thistooshallpsss · 27/03/2025 13:02

@JoyousEagle are you one of my children?! Snap!

verycloakanddaggers · 27/03/2025 13:03

I’m not sure how it could mean something to my DC. Oof, cold!

You're thumbing your nose at an opportunity to receive an expression of affection from your kids.

Your attitude is so hardline on this, surely there's something going on underneath this for you.

Outofthepan · 27/03/2025 13:07

You sound an absolute misery, honestly. The angst about a card “ wishes ignored” so dramatic