I’m not interested in Mothers Day. Anyone else? Explaining to my adult DC.

[Glitterbiscuits]

I am blessed with adult children. My mum died a long time ago but we had a good relationship so no trauma.
I tell my children every year I don’t want to celebrate Mothers Day. I don’t want them to spend money on Moonpig or Hallmark etc.
They still send cards. I am not ungrateful although it probably reads this way. I love my birthday cards from them!
I didn’t mind when they were at school and making things. I just don’t think they believe me when I say please ignore Mothers Day.
Do any other families just not bother?

Do they have partners? I'd feel odd if we senta card to MIL and not my mum.

Lots of things are objectively a waste of money but we do them anyway. I'd put Christmas cards in the same category - do you do those OP?

We don't do Mothers day. Am from a different culture so it's not important to me.

My mum died over twenty years ago. I have two adult sons. I’m happy with just a card. No fuss. Not that interested. There are more important things to celebrate x

Sometimes, it's not actually about you.

What was the approach to mothers day when they were kids?

I think, rational or not, if you celebrated it when they were young and then one day you've just declared "I don't want to celebrate md anymore, don't send me anything!!" it can either feel like a rejection (, I don't want nice sentiments off you), like you're a martyr ("oh no, please don't think of me but once on my birthday for 3 minutes) or like you never really valued their younger efforts (" bloody hell, do I still have to put up with your crap efforts).

If it's a couple of cards that say nice things about you, does it really netter when they write them? If it was a random card in September would you object and fel oppressed by their refusal to respect your choices? Or would you think awe that's sweet? Is it the fact they only do it once a year? That they have to be reminded to be nice?

Mother's Day is nothing particularly special to me either but I am not as "anti" as you sound.

I take the view that if my now adult "children" still want to give me cards then that is fine, and it is nice. I appreciate it. If they don't then that's also fine. I'm happy with phone calls, texts or WhatsApp messages too. I've left a Mother's Day card at my own mother's house following a recent visit for her to open next Sunday. She's almost 90 now and I can never be sure that any particular occasion won't be her last.

I would say leave your children to do their own thing for you, just as long as they don't go way over the top.

Yep I'm not really fussed. I have a 1 and 3 year old so will be excited for them and whatever they get me. Also dislike valentine's day but love Easter, Christmas and birthdays purely for my kids 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

But why are your feelings about it more valid than theirs? They obviously want to buy you a card and acknowledge the day which is nice. It's not a hill I'd die on its a couple of quid and a bit if recycling.

I would just accept the cards with good grace. It's not much

I agree.

The history of mother's day is really interesting. Needless to say, nowadays it's nothing like it was intended. Its a hallmark celebration and lots of people do it because they have to.

It's important to my mum so I take her some flowers (she always wants flowers so that's easy) but since my son got too old to make cards, I've told him not to bother. I'm not interested in a generic card with a standard verse that is given to thousands of other women. Or an obligation gift.

He randomly bought home a bar of chocolate for me last week because I've been unwell. THAT was meaningful because he wanted to do and wasn't told to.

Are you sure you had a good relationship with your mother, OP? Maybe you did but she was the one who had some issues with mother's day and inadvertently you picked them up?
It feels like a "look at the moon, and not the finger" kind of situation, as other pps have observed.

I am of a similar opinion, even when small all I ever asked of my kids was a homemade card, tea in bed and a takeaway for dinner.

Now they are teens and beginning to be off doing their own thing I'm happy to let it go.

Might still have the takeaway though...

Mothering Sunday has long been a part of the church calendar, so you’re wrong there.

Why are you trying to control what your adult children spend their money on?

It's upto you. It does all sound a bit unnecessarily Bah Humbug though.

I'm quite happy to accept a card from my children and a nice bunch of flowers. DH will cook a nice lunch.

I don't see that as over the top consumerism. Mothering Sunday has been around a long time.

My DDs invite me for lunch on Mother's Day. I am widowed so am very happy they do this.

I’m not a misery, you will have to take my word for it and I’m no martyr. I’m not here wringing my hands over the cards.
No issues with my own mum and Mother’s Day.

When my little children brought Mother’s Day stuff back from school or cubs etc I was delighted but we never went out to eat or anything. So it’s not as if I suddenly cancelled a big event.

I will say thank you for the card, of course, but it puts me in a bit of a position to thank them for something I explicitly said for many years that I don’t want.

I hope it’s not “performative ignore me” as a previous poster said.

As I don’t do the same for Xmas and birthdays. Love them!
and I love random gifts from them, even like a silly meme they know I would like.

However DH and I don’t celebrate Valentines Day ( also made up!) or make much of a thing on our anniversary but that’s probably because we have been happily married for a billion years.

Never heard that before. What does it mean?

I am not bothered about Mother's Day at all. The DC sometimes send me cards anyway, and DS did ask me this week if I was around and wanted to get together on Sunday, but actually I am going to be away. It's all just a bit 'meh' to me - performative, commercialised, surround by sexist stereotypes, not meaningful to me personally in any way. I don't bother with Valentines either.

That. It's such a tiny gesture that they clearly want to make. Why does it wind you up so much? I know you say that you've told them that you don't want them making a fuss about Mother's day, but they clearly don't see sending a card as a big deal. They're not deliberately trying to defy you. Just accept it with grace, for goodness' sake @Glitterbiscuits

Sometimes, it's not actually about you

Yep. They want to acknowledge you. Let them. They're hardly laying it on with a trowel.

TOTALLY agree.

You mean the moon/finger part? Or my whole post? 😂

If you ask about the moon and the finger, it's a saying (apparently from The Buddha, you made me llok for it!): "don't mistake the finger for the moon". We use the finger to point to the moon. But the moon is what we should be looking at, not the finger that points at it. We miss the big and important thing because we focus on that which is a mere indicator of it.

Apologies if that was not your question: I have a small baby and my brain is fried.

Yes that was what I wondered. Thank you!

I'm sort of with you, OP. No fuss, but I don't mind getting a card - even though I agree they are a waste of money.

My own mother makes an absolute drama over Mothers' Day, if her card doesn't arrive on time or she doesn't get flowers she acts like she's been utterly slighted.

So I go the opposite way. As I said, I don't object to a card but I much prefer a phone call from my boys or even just a quick text acknowledging the day.

Youngest DS who's still living at home picks me a bunch of daffodils from the garden and I absolutely love that. Sometimes I get a homemade card still, and he's in his 20s

I like Mother’s Day. We always take
my mum out for afternoon tea, I make her a Moonpig card with lots of photos from the last year. We get her flowers and my son will make her something. Usually go halves with my sister on something nice like a cashmere jumper or something she’s had her eye on. Life is short, celebrate the good days. I wish I could still do the same with my dad but he has passed. Like you say the handmade gifts from little ones are the best. But it’s also nice to treat your mum, mine has certainly helped me in life and I don’t know what I’d do without her. Do you celebrate Christmas from a religious perspective or just a commercial one?

Yet again, not everything is about you. Just because you’ve never made a fuss about it as your children were growing up doesn’t mean they haven’t decided they want to celebrate it. They are entitled to their own opinions. You sound like hard work OP.