Page 4 | I’m not interested in Mothers Day. Anyone else? Explaining to my adult DC.

Glitterbiscuits · 2025-03-27T11:36:01+00:00

I am blessed with adult children. My mum died a long time ago but we had a good relationship so no trauma. I tell my children every year I don’t want to celebrate Mothers Day. I don’t want them to spend money on Moonpig or Hallmark etc. They still send cards. I am not ungrateful although it probably reads this way. I love my birthday cards from them! I didn’t mind when they were at school and making things. I just don’t think they believe me when I say please ignore Mothers Day. Do any other families just not bother?

Ddakji · 27/03/2025 15:36

Glitterbiscuits · 27/03/2025 13:50

I’m not a misery, you will have to take my word for it and I’m no martyr. I’m not here wringing my hands over the cards.
No issues with my own mum and Mother’s Day.

When my little children brought Mother’s Day stuff back from school or cubs etc I was delighted but we never went out to eat or anything. So it’s not as if I suddenly cancelled a big event.

I will say thank you for the card, of course, but it puts me in a bit of a position to thank them for something I explicitly said for many years that I don’t want.

I hope it’s not “performative ignore me” as a previous poster said.

As I don’t do the same for Xmas and birthdays. Love them!
and I love random gifts from them, even like a silly meme they know I would like.

However DH and I don’t celebrate Valentines Day ( also made up!) or make much of a thing on our anniversary but that’s probably because we have been happily married for a billion years.

Why are you fine with Christmas then, if you don’t like made up celebrations?

Coffeeishot · 27/03/2025 16:43

Nobody here Is going to change your mind Op but you are just coming over as miserable and maybe a bit of a martyr about it all, You liked it when the children were small because it made them happy to bring you a card from school ,but not now they don't deserve to feel a bit of happiness sending you a card?

JockTamsonsBairns · 27/03/2025 19:05

I understand what you mean. I'm not keen on MD, but I know that's down to having a fractious relationship with my own mother.

When the DCs were younger, I entered into the spirit of the occasion - I enjoyed their homemade gifts, breakfast in bed etc.

Now that they're older, I happily receive their cards, as clearly they still want to give them.

DS1 is 27, and always sends a funny card with a short thank you message.
DS2 (17) always writes a very long heartfelt message.
DD(15) just writes something like "To Mum, love dd".

I genuinely enjoy receiving them, but we don't celebrate further than that.

terracelane23 · 27/03/2025 19:14

We don’t bother with it or Fathers Day. Feels forced and a waste of money so we don’t do anything. Never been an issue.

Lavenderflower · 27/03/2025 19:18

I understand why you feel this way. However, I can understand why your children want to celebrate. For me I like to celebrate it as way of honouring and appreciating my mum. As, I have gotten older, the day hold more importance as I am aware that she is not going to be here forever, so I try and make memories.

Jamclag · 27/03/2025 19:29

I quite like it - not all the commercialized crap (my adult kids just make their own daft cards anyway) but as a day where all the family have a moment to think about how great I am 😄
More seriously I see it as an acknowledgement of women's labour - both reproductive and social (regardless of the day's original meaning.) That's what I tell my kids anyway.

Normallynumb · 27/03/2025 22:39

I’m exactly the same. I always say “ I’m your Mun every day, and I don’t need thanks”
id rather they saved their money
i always get a text, sometimes a card
I know I’m Loved.

henlake7 · 27/03/2025 22:53

Not a mum but I'd rather not bother with it.
It is a silly made up holiday (meaning the modern day version, regardless of how it started).
My mum likes her cards though so I do get her one and whatever random present she wants. TBH though she usually asks me to get her things like books or DVDs off Amazon (which she can't work) throughout the year.
I'd rather just do that, it's something she wants when she wants it....not random tat on a specific day.

ForSprySquid · 30/03/2025 17:30

I always get quite upset on Mother's day. My two adult boys have always been abroad living and working for the past ten years so it's rarely even acknowledged (unless they happen to have been with a Brit the day before). I have one daughter who lives about 2.5hrs away from me - but at least in UK. But even when we were geographically closer, she never asked me over or out or sent flowers or even a card.
I have had a couple of Happy Mother's day WhatsApps plus flower emoji. That's it.
If I'd been a bad Mum I could understand the lack of acknowledgement of my role in their life.
However, anyone who knows me and knows our three children would say that I have (along with their wonderful Dad) done so, so much for them over the years and made extraordinary sacrifices which continue to this day. They are truly remarkable human beings as a result. We talk on WhatsApp, they still ask for advice, they tell me they love me. The few times I do see them they bear hug me to death.
But...I miss them all soooo much. On this day, I see all my friends get taken out, or receive a lovely card or flowers from their children but I get nothing on the one day mums are meant to be celebrated and taken care of. The fact that last couple of years have been so stressful for me that I lost all my hair, just adds to my sadness. All three children know how dreadful it's been.
Today, I've just done what I do every other Sunday. At least I got a bunch of daffs given to me at church!
I can't help feeling this way. I suppose I just feel so taken for granted 😞
(While I was writing that last sentence, my eldest son just video called me from USA to wish me Happy Mother's day, so that's cheered me up!)

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2025 18:45

ForSprySquid · 30/03/2025 17:30

I always get quite upset on Mother's day. My two adult boys have always been abroad living and working for the past ten years so it's rarely even acknowledged (unless they happen to have been with a Brit the day before). I have one daughter who lives about 2.5hrs away from me - but at least in UK. But even when we were geographically closer, she never asked me over or out or sent flowers or even a card.
I have had a couple of Happy Mother's day WhatsApps plus flower emoji. That's it.
If I'd been a bad Mum I could understand the lack of acknowledgement of my role in their life.
However, anyone who knows me and knows our three children would say that I have (along with their wonderful Dad) done so, so much for them over the years and made extraordinary sacrifices which continue to this day. They are truly remarkable human beings as a result. We talk on WhatsApp, they still ask for advice, they tell me they love me. The few times I do see them they bear hug me to death.
But...I miss them all soooo much. On this day, I see all my friends get taken out, or receive a lovely card or flowers from their children but I get nothing on the one day mums are meant to be celebrated and taken care of. The fact that last couple of years have been so stressful for me that I lost all my hair, just adds to my sadness. All three children know how dreadful it's been.
Today, I've just done what I do every other Sunday. At least I got a bunch of daffs given to me at church!
I can't help feeling this way. I suppose I just feel so taken for granted 😞
(While I was writing that last sentence, my eldest son just video called me from USA to wish me Happy Mother's day, so that's cheered me up!)

What happened on mother's day when they were at home? Did they help pick cards and presents / use their own money to get stuff or was it all done by Dad? What about for Fathers Day?

Sorry you feel taken for granted, it's good they show you in their own way when they see you x

I’m not interested in Mothers Day. Anyone else? Explaining to my adult DC.

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