Friend's whatsapp policing

[woowoowoo98]

name change

my friend is constantly on WhatsApp. if she sends a message and she sees you are/have been on line but not read her message then she gets the arse. If the message is not read for some time she will check your last seen several times during the day and then get arsey that you have been online more than once but not read and/or replied. She wont admit she has the arse, instead she will purposely delay replying back to you, like you did to her (in her mind).

She will make comments like 'you were up late' even when you have not spoken to her that eve on whatsapp. She is clearly checking everyone's last seen.

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would. She is obsessed with whatsapp, checking last seen and receiving a reply as soon as you have read her message - which in doing so, prompts a further reply from her and before you know it you are back and forth on a conversation while trying to have a family night at home, for example. If I were to say something like ''sorry, can't chat now as watching a film with DC'' she would be ok with it, but then if you accidentally checked your whatsapp after saying that, or you got a call/message you needed to read she would be checking last seen and get pissed off

the whole thing is draining

Turn off 'last seen' and the message receipt notifications and let her fume. If she asks you about it just say "some people seem to think I should be welded to my phone, so it's easier this way".

Just turn off last seen, what can she say?

I didn't think anyone used 'Last Seen' any more. I haven't in years, and neither has anyone I know...

But in general, so what if she's pissed off? Do what suits you. Her huffing is her own business, and the fact that she might really want to get a life rather than be the online equivalent of a curtain-twitcher is also her own affair.

But if she's not going to admit to having a problem with it then the only person it's going to cause problems for is her - turn off last seen, if she asks say it seems to cause more problems than it solves, and leave it at that. Ignore the silent fuming and if there's a delay in her replying assume she's doing something else like a normal person.

Do this, then she doesn't know some people are really weird about who has seen what!

I couldn't be friends with someone like that. How suffocating.

I would not be friends with someone like that, sorry.

I’ve turned off my last seen.
Just do it. She sounds unnecessarily demanding and quite hard work and my tolerance for this kind of bullshit is very low.

I have literally just changed my privacy settings for the same reason.

Very demanding and high maintenance friend who sends chippy messages like this one from yesterday-
"I tried to call. You are online. But not with me, hmmmm"

I feel like she is stalking me.
So I have just changed privacy setting to exclude her from online and last seen.

Feel better already!!

You don't have to keep your 'last seen' on just to placate this woman. Why on earth would you?! Turn it off!

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would.

And? 🤷‍♂️

Just do it, otherwise you're being a bit dramatic too.

Jeez just turn off last seen. She might be stroppy with you but she gets stroppy with you regularly by the sounds of things.

I have a friend like this. I refuse to change my behaviour or habits (or my last seen!) to accommodate her weirdness and neediness about it. When she has questioned me about it, after initially being nice and explaining I was busy, I eventually told her I found her stalking quite weird. She has backed off, or at least she no longer questions me about it, she may be fuming silently for all I know.

Are you purposely ignoring her? Perhaps she is picking up on issues not spoken?

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me,
Shes already fuming at you.

Turn off your settings and she’ll eventually get over it.
Or
Keep them on and she’ll continue checking up on you, working herself (and you) up each time, over and over, forever.

I know what I’d choose to do.

My friendship with this person would be over swiftly

Why are you letting this loon control the way you use WhatsApp? Just turn off your Last Seen and if she moans, tell her she’s being weird and that you like your privacy.

Does your friend not have a job/a family/other friends/a life? How does she have so much time to spend on WhatsApp?

Sort your privacy settings and ignore her messages.

But doing that is allowing her control the way the op uses wgatsapp, in a way. I like having my last seen on and like people to be able to see if I’ve read their message (apart from the ones who react weirdly). Op changing her use panders to the weird friend.

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would.

And?

The fact that she would be fuming if you only turned off your "last seen" tells you all you need to know. She is trying to control you and I would be cutting that off asap. It's verging on stalking.

@sammylady37 you can turn off "last seen" and "online" just for specific people - you go to settings > privacy > last seen & online > and then the option "contacts except for StalkerFrenemy"

You can set your last seen status to be on but off for certain people - my contacts except...

I have mine off after a few people getting prickly over not replying if you've been online.

No time for that nonsense

Why is her “getting the arse” so troublesome and worrying for you? You won’t be harmed by someone’s mood, you can’t police or control her mood. Choices we all have them , let her get on with it, you are giving it too much headspace and getting wrapped up in the drama. Walk away!

If your last seen is turned off, then you won’t be able to see anyone else’s. So you won’t know if anyone you know is using it.