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Original poster

Friend's whatsapp policing

95 replies

woowoowoo98 · 21/03/2025 12:27

name change

my friend is constantly on WhatsApp. if she sends a message and she sees you are/have been on line but not read her message then she gets the arse. If the message is not read for some time she will check your last seen several times during the day and then get arsey that you have been online more than once but not read and/or replied. She wont admit she has the arse, instead she will purposely delay replying back to you, like you did to her (in her mind).

She will make comments like 'you were up late' even when you have not spoken to her that eve on whatsapp. She is clearly checking everyone's last seen.

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would. She is obsessed with whatsapp, checking last seen and receiving a reply as soon as you have read her message - which in doing so, prompts a further reply from her and before you know it you are back and forth on a conversation while trying to have a family night at home, for example. If I were to say something like ''sorry, can't chat now as watching a film with DC'' she would be ok with it, but then if you accidentally checked your whatsapp after saying that, or you got a call/message you needed to read she would be checking last seen and get pissed off

the whole thing is draining

OP posts:
AllTheTreesOfTheField · 21/03/2025 14:12

You shouldn't have friends you are afraid of, OP.

carrotycrumble · 21/03/2025 14:17

Why on earth are you friends with this massively insecure person?

CoraPirbright · 21/03/2025 14:18

Switch off your last seen etc. Then when she gets the arse, make her explain “but why do I need to reply to you immediately?” “But why do you need to monitor my movements?” Just very mildly expressed. Maybe in the explanation, it might make her come to her senses a bit? Or possibly not in which you can then explain that she is not in charge of your life and you will not be dancing to her tune. Then block totally. As Allthetreesofthefield wisely points out, friend s should be a positive in your life and not a negative.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/03/2025 14:21

MidnightMillie · 21/03/2025 12:38

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would.

And? 🤷‍♂️

Just do it, otherwise you're being a bit dramatic too.

yes. She's fuming with you anyway, unless you jump to her tune.

If she's fuming or offended.. that is a result.. She's less likely to interrupt your evenings.

Also you find her checking your Whats App stats to see if you could have replied and when quite intrusive, which is offensive in its own way.

So what's it to be? She gets the hump or you allow her to keep stressing you out? Life is too short to have someone artificially upping your anxiety in this way.

Candlebook · 21/03/2025 14:29

woowoowoo98 · 21/03/2025 13:56

@Daisyvodka she once said to me "I thought you were at the cinema, I've just seen you on line"
She insisted her DH have his last seen on, it was previously off

She’s basically stalking you by tracking your usage on WhatsApp. I’d be seriously considering whether I’d want to stay friends with someone like that…
But, in the meantime do turn off your ‘last seen’ so she can’t keep tabs on you. Don’t worry about the fall out, it doesn’t sound like a huge loss tbh!

Cardinalita90 · 21/03/2025 14:29

Yeah you need to stop being a wet lettuce and turn off your read receipts and last seen status. Let her fume! She clearly doesn't have enough to do coupled with a serious control issue. You wouldn't let your kids put up with this I'm sure so role model to them what setting boundaries looks like.

CheekySnake · 21/03/2025 14:41

Do you know what, @woowoowoo98 ?

Let her fume. Let her feel irritated and cross. It won't kill her.

Her feelings aren't your problem to solve.

friendlycat · 21/03/2025 14:41

If I were to turn off my last seen, she would be fuming at me, I just know she would. She is obsessed with whatsapp,

So what just turn it off. She doesn't run your life, you do.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 21/03/2025 14:47

Err, why do you care what she thinks about you turning your ‘last seen’ off?

TooTrue2005 · 21/03/2025 14:51

HappiestSleeping · 21/03/2025 12:29

Turn off 'last seen' and the message receipt notifications and let her fume. If she asks you about it just say "some people seem to think I should be welded to my phone, so it's easier this way".

Edited

This

Endofyear · 21/03/2025 14:51

Just turn off last seen and let her fume. Does it matter? You aren't responsible for her moods - she is. Just let her. It's not your problem.

If she asks you why you've done it, tell her the truth - that you find her policing your WhatsApp usage irritating and draining.

TooTrue2005 · 21/03/2025 14:51

Isthiswhatmenthink · 21/03/2025 14:47

Err, why do you care what she thinks about you turning your ‘last seen’ off?

Also this - I’m a What’s App virgin!

TooTrue2005 · 21/03/2025 14:53

Sarah2891 · 21/03/2025 12:31

I couldn't be friends with someone like that. How suffocating.

THIS

pictoosh · 21/03/2025 14:57

"She will make comments like 'you were up late' even when you have not spoken to her that eve on whatsapp. She is clearly checking everyone's last seen."

Ugh ugh and triple ugh. How intrusive, inappropriate and annoying. This is the thing with social media and messaging...we're all regarded as available and open to scrutiny 24/7. There are no boundaries any more...some people (like your friend) have no respect for others' private lives and choice whether to participate in contact or not. They really think it's a free for all in which there is nothing better to do than respond to drivel day and night.

Fgs turn off the last seen feature. Just be honest and say that you don't like other people being able to track your movements online as it makes you feel encroached on. It's true and isn't personal to her.

Miaowzabella · 21/03/2025 15:07

This is your mum isn't it OP? It's ok, you are still allowed to change your settings and not reply to her until it's convenient for you.

Fuuuuuckit · 21/03/2025 15:09

I turned off my notifications because an ex would stalk me like that. If I was awake in the night he'd spend the next day quizzing me about who I was messaging overnight.

You need boundaries. You have ZERO obligation to answer in her timeframe.

Iloveyoubut · 21/03/2025 15:10

Please don’t let anyone do this to you! No matter who it is. Turn off your last seen. I’m a total wuss, I find it so, so hard to stick up for myself and even I would do it! Whoever is doing this to you, it’s not normal and it’s not ok. I couldn’t live like this, my chest is getting tight just thinking about it! Please remember … this person only cares about having their own needs met. They do not care at all about what that costs you.

Lyannaa · 21/03/2025 15:11

You can turn off almost everything, even the blue ticks.

Bababear987 · 21/03/2025 15:15

MrsMitford3 · 21/03/2025 12:33

I have literally just changed my privacy settings for the same reason.

Very demanding and high maintenance friend who sends chippy messages like this one from yesterday-
"I tried to call. You are online. But not with me, hmmmm"

I feel like she is stalking me.
So I have just changed privacy setting to exclude her from online and last seen.

Feel better already!!

Wow that's so crazy that anyone would think that's an ok msg to send

Rhaidimiddim · 21/03/2025 15:18

HappiestSleeping · 21/03/2025 12:29

Turn off 'last seen' and the message receipt notifications and let her fume. If she asks you about it just say "some people seem to think I should be welded to my phone, so it's easier this way".

Edited

I was about to advise a similar thing - turn it off and tell her exactly why i.e. her excessively needy behaviour for attention via WhatsApp when you are doing other things. Pitch it to her as not wanting to upset her unnecessarily, rather than you being fed up with her behaviour.

Cattery · 21/03/2025 15:31

Sarah2891 · 21/03/2025 12:31

I couldn't be friends with someone like that. How suffocating.

Agree. I had to go NC with someone like this. The freedom!

StepawayfromtheLindors · 21/03/2025 15:33

What do you get out of this friendship?

Lludmilla · 21/03/2025 15:34

How much do you value the friendship, OP? Some drama llamas people on MN are very quick to scream 'block' if a friend is doing anything annoying, but you're the one who knows her - is she the sort of person who would be open to a conversation about this and simply being asked to stop?

Tbf, this would drive me crackers, and if she's been giving you the arse about something like this then I can see her flying off the handle if it's brought up, but generally speaking imo it's ludicrous how many people these days go from friendship to blocking without any actual conversations being had.

ItGhoul · 21/03/2025 15:37

sammylady37 · 21/03/2025 13:13

But doing that is allowing her control the way the op uses wgatsapp, in a way. I like having my last seen on and like people to be able to see if I’ve read their message (apart from the ones who react weirdly). Op changing her use panders to the weird friend.

Show quote history

As PPs have said, you can turn it off for some contacts and leave it on for others.

In any case, the reason the OP gave for not turning it off was that her friend 'would be fuming', not that she wanted to leave it on for other people. Being scared to change a setting on a social media account because it might make a friend cross with you is absolutely fucking nuts. That's not a normal friendship.

madaffodil · 21/03/2025 15:37

The woman is crackers.

Turn off last seen and if she asks why, tell her that you are cutting back on social media for a while to concentrate on people you actually like your family.