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Original poster

Would you ask your teen to collect your Y5-aged child from school

100 replies

TBTG · 17/03/2025 19:39

Or is that part of the "don't have your older kids have to raise the younger ones" thing?! I'd be willing to pay him, like I would a child-minder.

DD is in Y5, but is super petite, and I just don't feel great about the idea of her walking home from school on her own yet. Up til now, I have been WFH, but I am looking at a better job, which likely means I won't be able to get her from school. DS (15) finishes school half an hour before DD (9) does, and could walk to her school in time to get her. I actually think it would be quite nice bonding for them, and a chivalrous, caring thing for him to do, too.
DS always comes straight home from school, and goes on his computer - he'd only be missing half an hour of that!

It would be three out of the five days, as DD does after-school clubs on two of the days (actual clubs, like sports, rather than wraparound care).

However, I have always had this notion in my head not to make children be responsible for their siblings. But maybe I am wrong about that.

I am a single mum and could really do with improving our finances. I could wait one more year til she's at secondary, but in the meantime, we aren't doing great financially.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 17/03/2025 23:29

I would sit the 15 year old down and ask him.
Talk to him about your prospects and vaguely about the family having more money if you could make this work.

It's quite a commitment 3x a week, for a year and a term.

Are there other options (Out of School Club / Childminder) if he either doesn't want to, or if he starts but then either gets fed up / gets a better offer / lets you down ? You'd have to impress upon him that if he agrees to it, it isn't something he can then change his mind about later, if there aren't the other options.

Differentstarts · 17/03/2025 23:48

I think its unfair on your son. What if he wants to do something with mates or gets a girlfriend or detention. If it was just every so often to cover childminder sickness or something then absolutely but asking him to commit to this for a year and a half I personally wouldn't put that on anyone who wasn't a paid professional

SallyDraperGetInHere · 17/03/2025 23:51

I think it’s a big ask three days a week, at an age where the 15yo should have a degree of independence to make his own way home with his mates, and not have a younger sib dependent on him. Could you agree three days for the first two weeks, and scale it back - and pay him £5 a day? I’d make it clear it is a temporary arrangement, and with pay comes responsibility.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

15 year olds 9 year olds Families Primary education
TickingAlongNicely · 17/03/2025 23:54

Is it just walking her home, or will he be looking after her once she is home?

MakeOrBake · 17/03/2025 23:56

Of course. I expect all the dc to contribute to the running of the family. For the older teens that might mean cooking dinner, vaccuming, doing laundry or looking after younger siblings. Picking a sibling up from school a few days a week seems like a very simple ask

PickledElectricity · 17/03/2025 23:56

I think it's absolutely fine and I wouldn't be paying him extra for that.

TaupeMember · 18/03/2025 00:02

Totally fine!

It'll only be for a year, why couldn't he do it? Not much of an ask to keep the household ticking is it?

ShriekingTrespasser · 18/03/2025 00:03

It’s absolutely fine. Families pull together when they have to and it’s only 3 days a week and not for ever.
If you think it’s good bonding time, then I assume they get on fine and neither would mind this too much.

SAHMutiny · 18/03/2025 05:14

Absolutely fine. Have a chat with him first though. And have a plan for if he's ill. I've just done this as I'm starting a new job soon and the Dc are going to have to do more and be more independent. I've asked DS (also 15) to change how he gets home from an activity so he can collect DD as I don't want her walking around town in the evenings alone. I don't even offer to pay him!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/03/2025 05:36

Omg I LOVED it when my sister took me to Brownies! Don't know how she felt about it.

Families are teams, everyone has to contribute what they can. I see no difference between collecting a younger sibling and being expected to empty the dishwasher at a certain time.

Firenzeflower · 18/03/2025 05:47

I work in one of the poorest parts of London. Older siblings collect their younger siblings. Because parents are at work or they are a single parent family. In families everyone helps out. You aren't asking him to get a job or do a bank job. Middle class mumsnetters simply don't get how life works for ordinary families.

Tourmalines · 18/03/2025 05:50

He’s family . Your small family . I think he should do it . It’s called caring and blending in to help each other . No payment needed either .

farmlife2 · 18/03/2025 05:59

Families work together. It's perfectly fine for an older sibling to occasionally pick up a younger one. I had two teens and they each had a day assigned to pick up the younger one from school (they had to walk past on their way home anyway). I was out earning money to pay for their needs and wants (and one of the teens had a lot of wants, so perfectly reasonable they helped towards some of them!).

pinotnow · 18/03/2025 06:19

This is standard practice both where I live and at the schooI teach at, which are in very different areas. I couldn't believe the first few replies. As a teacher, if a child tells me they can't do a detention due to picking up a sibling I liaise with home and reschedule it. Ds made friends with a girl in his primary class he'd never really spoken much to once they were in secondary as they both had to pick young. siblings up - he bonded with her more than his db though but it was fine!

Clearinguptheclutter · 18/03/2025 06:33

I don’t see an issue with this ok it’s common at our primary

Ineffable23 · 18/03/2025 06:38

I think it's okay but that ideally it would be time limited.

So thinking about what you can do to make her more independent so that by year 6 she's happy to walk home alone. Thinking about some back up options for e.g. if he's ill or there's a school trip or something.

I think that's it really. If it's necessary financially for the household then it's necessary and he'll have to help out.

BendingSpoons · 18/03/2025 06:40

Ask him and see what he thinks. I would have willingly done this at that age. What is the likelihood of him getting a spontaneous invitation to go out with his mates after school, especially as the weather improves? Will he be frustrated at having to say he has to get his sister? Will this be the plan until she goes to secondary, or will she be working up to walking home alone after a while?

sunshineandshowers40 · 18/03/2025 06:41

I tried to do this as a one off but the primary said that secondary school children couldn't collect primary siblings (I think a lot of parents were starting to do it). Three times a week is quite a lot, I'd be worried they would forget? What if they want to go out after school? It is a big responsibility?

Yoheresthestory · 18/03/2025 06:41

First few posters are shocking. This is why we have incompetent young people with no self esteem everywhere.

Totally reasonable OP but if you’ve treated him like a little prince to now expect him to whinge and kick off at being given a simple task as a member of a family. Hopefully he does it happily.

HelenWheels · 18/03/2025 06:42

would the school allow it?
and yes it would be nice

gerispringer · 18/03/2025 06:44

I used to do this at 15 and cook the dinner for everyone before mum got home. I’m surprised it’s even a question.

Teanandtoast · 18/03/2025 06:47

I think it's be a good idea to double check with the school, a lot of schools won't release at home time to an under 16 or under 18

Yoheresthestory · 18/03/2025 06:50

Teanandtoast · 18/03/2025 06:47

I think it's be a good idea to double check with the school, a lot of schools won't release at home time to an under 16 or under 18

This is a 9 yr old who the OP indicated is allowed to walk home alone just OP feels uncomfortable with that.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 18/03/2025 06:51

I think it’s fine. It’s like part of his trip home. I agree it will be bonding time and he will feel helpful.

Simplelobsterhat · 18/03/2025 06:52

My kids are the same ages, albeit timing wise this wouldn't be an option for us so it hasn't arisen.

I wouldn't want to rely on it as the default arrangement. Yes fair enough to ask him to help out occasionally, as contributing to family life, but to be the main after school care 3 times a week is quite restrictive I think. Ok he comes straight home now, but I don't like the fact that he'd be stuck with that arrangement. At that age there are often after school revision sessions at any school I've worked with, and also their friends and social life are rightly important to them and he may get an opportunity to do something after school.

And how long would this go on for? I've had young people I've worked with base their post 16 choices on needing to be local to help with siblings, and it makes me sad for them

It's difficult. My year 5 now walks home alone, as do most of his year, but we live in a village,and also my DH is always home so he's not coming to an empty house, so I can see might not be as happy with it in other circumstances.

I think you could do it if he is really happy to, and you are clear he can be honest about that, and he is clear what commitment it would be. Because it would be hard to reverse once you've taken a job. And id probably offer him a pocket money raise as he's doing more chores and you are earning more. But I'd also want other people I could call on if there was something that came up for him he really didn't want to miss, or if he was ill etc.